OPRAH'S OBVIOUS WEIGHT GAIN WOWS OSCARS

OLBERMANN APPLIES TO MEDICAL MARIJUANA SCHOOL

NESCAFE SALES SURGE ON GADDAFI REVELATION THAT BIN LADED IS ADDING HALLUCINOGENS

MIAMI BANKS OFFER PHAT LIQUIDATION-PRICED CONDOS TO OUSTED MIDEAST DESPOTS

WHITE HOUSE: INCOHERENT LIBYA RESPONSE DUE TO FAULTY TELEPROMPTER APP

LINDSAY LOHAN HAVING DIFFICULTY ADAPTING TO LIFE OUTSIDE PRISON

OBAMA OFFERS GADDAFI TELEPROMPTER FOR RAMBLING MONOLOGUES

WHITE HOUSE EXPRESSES 'DEEP CONCERN' OVER MAKING STATEMENT ON LIBYAN BLOODBATH

WISCONSIN UNIONS CLAIM CONSTRUCTION OF MONEY-PRINTING PRESS IS FOR 'PEACEFUL PURPOSES ONLY'

GADDAFI GRANTED ASYLUM IN RAHM EMANUEL'S MAYORAL CABINET

INSPIRED BY MIDEAST, WEST VIRGINIAN HOUSEWIFE STARTS OWN REVOLUTION AGAINST FAMILY

CHIRPING CRICKETS HIRED TO GIVE WHITE HOUSE STATEMENT ON LIBYAN UNREST

CLINTON OKAYS IRANIAN WARSHIPS TO PASS THROUGH STATE OF ISRAEL

CHINA OFFERS TO FUND TANKS FOR WISCONSIN REVOLUTION

WISCONSIN UNIONS ENERGIZED BY MEDIA SUPERSTAR JESSE JACKSON

CONCERNS VOICED OVER GOOGLE LOGO ON WHITE HOUSE FACADE

REINCARNATED L. RON HUBBARD FOUND SINGING IN MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR

MIDEAST TENSIONS APPROACH 2026 LEVELS

ADVANCED LEVELS OF SCIENTOLOGY STILL NO MATCH FOR KIRSTIE ALLEY'S MASSIVE APPETITE

FACEBOOK UNVEILS 'AUTOMATIC ANNOYING FRIEND DE-FRIENDER'

TEHRAN UNVEILS CIA PLOT TO INSTALL OBAMA CLONE TO NEUTER IRAN

LADY ANTEBELLUM WINS VINYL RECORD OF THE YEAR

CHRISTINA AGUILERA ACCIDENTALLY SINGS MISTAKE-FREE GRAMMY SOLO

NEW SPACE-SAVING KEYBOARD DITCHES RARELY-USED LETTER 'Z'

OPRAH EXCLUSIVE: OBAMA CHANNELS RAMSES II FOR EGYPT POLICY

EGYPTIAN ARMY ORDERED TO STOP LAUGHING AT OBAMA, RESTORE ORDER

CIA DIRECTOR PANETTA CITES 'STRONG LIKELIHOOD THAT MUBARAK MAY STEP BACK UP THIS EVENING'

MUBARAK STEPS DOWN, HANDS PRESIDENTIAL POWER OVER TO CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF MUBARAK

LINDSAY LOHAN HELD ON DRUNKEN GRAND THEFT AUTO WRECKLESS DRIVING JEWELRY HEIST ASSAULT CHARGE

GUY IN JAR JAR BINKS COSTUME STILL WONDERING WHY AMERICAN IDOL JUDGES DIDN'T APPRECIATE HIS AWESOME VOICE

MUBARAKCARE PROMISED TO APPEASE ANGRY EGYPTIANS

REHABBED SHEEN PLANS RETURN TO MULTI-DAY BENDERING

INSTIGATOR JOHN BOEHNER CHAIN-SMOKING IN FRONT OF OBAMA

DETROIT REQUESTS FEDERAL AID: PLEAS FOR OBAMA VACATION

FDA TO INVESTIGATE OBAMA SMOKES FOR HALLUCINOGENS

CURRENT TV'S 93% NORTH KOREAN VIEWERSHIP APPLAUDS OLBERMANN ADDITION

L.A. LAKERS FANS WONDERING WHY GREEN BAY HASN'T BEEN BURNED DOWN YET

BRETT FAVRE: 'I'M BACK, PLEASE?'

RITZ CRACKERS' SUPER BOWL PIZZA HUT PREGAME SHOW SPONSORED BY NABISCO AND SOME OTHER CORPORATION FEATURES NON-STOP KEITH URBAN NOISE

OBAMA RELEASES FOREIGN AID PLA, PROMISES MORE OVERSEAS VACATIONS

WHITE HOUSE DEFENDS TAXPAYER-FUNDED 45 MINUTE OBAMACARE COMMERCIAL FOR SUPERBOWL

OBAMA DUMPS MUBARAK, BLAMES EGYPTIAN SAND TRAPS

WHITE HOUSE IGNORES AMERICANS' CALL FOR QUICK AND PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER IN WHITE HOUSE

MIDEAST UNREST INTERRUPTS OBAMA'S LASERLIKE FOCUS ON DECREASING EMPLOYMENT