DEMOCRATS REQUEST HUSSEIN CADAVER FOR DISPLAY AT HARLEM'S APOLLO THEATER

HUSSEIN OFFERED LAST MEAL

FORMER DICTATOR REQUESTS 'CAKE WITH KEY IN IT'

EDWARDS TO ANNOUNCE SURPRISE CANDIDACY FOR VICE PRESIDENT AT 4 PM PRESS CONFERENCE

 

RED STATE XIANS CELEBRATE DEC. 25 HOLIDAY

BERGER: 'I ACCIDENTALLY HID THE DOCUMENTS I MISTAKENLY STOLE UNDER THE CONSTRUCTION TRAILER'

CINDY SHEEHAN ACCEPTS ROLE ON 'THE SURREAL LIFE'

FRENCH MILITARY REMOVES TROOP FROM IRAQ

 

ALL KINDS OF VIOLENT BEHAVIOR, GUNFIRE, AND KILLINGS REPORTED IN WEST BANK, GAZA, AND THOSE KIND OF PLACES TODAY

 

SENATE VOTES TO INCREASE TROOP PRESENCE IN ORLANDO

 

DEMOCRATS WARN SEN. JOHNSON'S DEATH COULD LEAD TO MORE TERRORIST ATTACKS

 

TACO BELL FOOD SUSPECTED IN OUTBREAK OF E. COLI AT 90 TACO BELL LOCATIONS

INCOMING AL-AQSA MARTYRS BRIGADE LEADER TAKES OATH OF OFFICE ON NEW JIMMY CARTER BOOK

 

ROCKERFELLER CENTER'S KWAANZA TREE INFURIATES RABBI

SECOND SET OF SURI CRUISE PHOTOS PUBLISHED BY VANITY FAIR'S BETHLEHEM BUREAU

 

DEMOCRATS OFFER DAVID DUKE LEADERSHIP ROLE AT DNC AFTER APPEARANCE AT HOLOCAUST DENIAL SYMPOSIUM

 

LINDSEY LOHAN SENT TO COUNSELING FOR 'UNCHARACTERISTIC SOBRIETY'

HILLARY THROWS YANKEES HAT INTO '08 PRESIDENTIAL RACE, SAYS SHE'S 'ALWAYS BEEN A FAN OF AMERICA'

ROCKERFELLER CENTER TO LIGHT KWAANZA TREE TONIGHT

 

IRAQ STUDY GROUP MEMBER VERNON JORDAN SUGGESTS SENDING HUSSEIN TO REVLON FOR JOB

RUSH LIMBAUGH OUTS MR. SNERDLEY AS 'BLACK AFRICAN AMERICAN'

MICHAEL RICHARDS: 'I'M SORRY YOU MISUNDERSTOOD MY JOKE, IT WAS INTENDED FOR BUSH, BUT I BOTCHED IT'

 

LEVEL 7 SCIENTOLOGY WARLOCK TO MARRY TOMKAT AT STONEHENGE TODAY

 

O.J. SIMPSON DENIES ADMISSION TO DOUBLE MURDER IN NEW BOOK 'I DID IT'

 

O.J. SIMPSON: 'IF I DID IT, I WOULD HAVE DONE IT EXACTLY HOW IT WAS DONE. I SHOULD KNOW - I DID IT'

CNN HEADLINE NEWS TO BALANCE GLENN BECK SPECIAL WITH 'ISLAM: IT MEANS PEACE' BROADCAST

PRADA TO ADD CAMBODIAN ORPHANS TO FALL ACCESSORY LINE

ASHTON KUTCHNER ALERTS DEMI OF DIVORCE DESIRES BY BLOG POST

 

NED LAMONT FORMS JANITORIAL EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE

GOP PLANS TO COUNTER-SUE IN RACES DEMS LOSE

VA SEN. GEORGE ALLEN ATTEMPTS TO SUCK WIND OUT OF WEBB CAMPAIGN SAILS AT 11TH HR, ANNOUNCES CANDIDACY FOR WHITE HOUSE

 

FIRST SET OF SUBPOENAS ARRIVES AT WHITE HOUSE BY TRACTOR TRAILER

VA SENATE RACE SHOCK: WEBB CONCEDES TO ALLEN EARLY, WANTS TO 'BEGIN LITIGATING THIS THING AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE'

 

DEM VOTERS IN WEST PALM BEACH FUMBLE WITH 'CONFUSING' FISHER PRICE VOTING MACHINES

CNN TAKES CONTROL OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, WILL LET DEMOCRATS RUN IT

 

CNN: DEMS LOSING 64% TO 36% IN KEY BATTLEGROUND STATE, BUT 'ONLY 96% OF PRECINCTS HAVE REPORTED'

 

DEM STRONHOLDS IN KEY BATTLEGROUNDS REPORT 110 - 130 PERCENT TURNOUT

DEMOCRATS GAINING GROUND, WEIGHT AS ELECTION APPROACHES

SEN. KERRY FORMS EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE FOR POSSIBLE FOURTH APOLOGY

KERRY THREATENS TO RUIN DEM ELECTORAL CHANCES THROUGH 2020 IF SHUNNED IN '08

JOHN KERRY ISSUES 4TH APOLOGY FOR COMMENTS, OFFERS TO FUND SPECIAL ED PROGRAM FOR SOLDIERS IN IRAQ

KERRY APOLOGIZES FOR COMMENTS, SAYS HE MEANT TO SAY 'STUCK AND SHOT IN IRAQ'

KERRY VOLUNTEERS SELF FOR IRAQ TO PROVE THAT FAILURES END UP THERE

 

SEN. CLINTON RESPONDS TO NY PLANE ACCIDENT: 'WHAT DID THE PRESIDENT KNOW AND WHEN DID HE KNOW IT?'

CHARGE: ROBERT BYRD BEGAN USING THE 'N WORD' 35 YEARS AGO

NEWS OF DOW RECORD LOST IN FRENZY OVER HASTERT'S RESIGNATION IN WAKE OF FOLEY GAY SEX IM SCANDAL

NOBEL-PRIZE WINNING BIG BANG THEORIST: 'I WANT TO THANK GOD, I MEAN NOTHING, FOR MY GREAT SUCCESS'

CONGRESS ENTERS THIRD SEX-SCANDAL-FREE DAY IN A ROW

REP. MARK FOLEY: ALCOHOL CAUSED ME TO LUST AFTER YOUNG MALE PAGES

REP CONGESSMAN FOLEY RESIGNS OVER 'PERFECTLY INNOCENT AND WHOLLY APPROPRIATE' EMAIL EXCHANGE WITH MALE PAGE

BUSH RECEIVES BRIEFING TITLED 'BILL CLINTON DETERMINED TO ATTACK INSIDE THE CHRIS WALLACE HOME'

TSA RELAXES AIRLINE SECURITY MEASURES, WILL ALLOW BOMBS ON PLANES

NEW YORKERS PROPOSE 'MOVING THE U.N. TO ANOTHER COUNTRY, LIKE HARLEM PERHAPS'

CNN TO AIR 2 HOUR SPECIAL ON IRANIAN PRESIDENT AHMADINEJAD'S 'DAZZLING TIE-FREE FASHION'

HUGO CHAVEZ WAIVES CHRIS MATTHEWS OP-ED AT U.N. NEWS CONFERENCE, ASKS WORLD LEADERS TO READ IT

AHMADINEJAD DEPARTS SLEEPOVER AT BRIAN WILLIAMS' HOUSE FOR TRIP BACK TO IRAN

BUSH FAULTED FOR HIGH, LOW GAS PRICES

FABIO DROPS 120 POUNDS, WILL RE-ENTER MODELING WORLD AS 90 LB WAIF

ROSIE O'DONNELL: 'HETEROSEXUALS ARE A BIGGER THREAT THAN RADICAL LESBIANS'

AL FRANKEN NEGOTIATES SALARY DEAL WITH AIR AMERICA, WILL ACCEPT ONE CASE OF BIC PENS PER MONTH

AIR AMERICA CHIEF TO EMPLOYEES: 'WE SHOULD ALL WEAR SWEATERS'

ANN RICHARDS' DEATH PROVIDES OPPORTUNITY FOR 'THE MOTHER OF ANTI-BUSH THEMED MEMORIALS'

WHITNEY HOUSTON FILES FOR DIVORCE FROM BOBBY BROWN AFTER 'ROMANTIC ENCOUNTER WITH OSAMA BIN LADEN'

BUSH DROWNS SELF IN BOWL OF BEN & JERRY'S AFTER AHMADINEJAD BEFRIENDS IRAQI PM

CNN CELEBRATES 5TH ANNIVERSARY OF ITS 9-11 COVERAGE

DEMS PICK DENNIS KUCINICH AS THEIR CHOICE FOR SECRETARY OF DEFENSE

 

OIL PRICES PLUMMET

NEW DISCOVERY OF OIL IN GULF ADDS TO PRESSURE ON DEMOCRATIC PARTY; PRICES OF GAS DROP TO 'UNCOMFORTABLY LOW LEVELS'

GOLF FANS 'STUNNED AND SHOCKED' AS TIGER COMES CLOSE TO NOT WINNING FIFTH STRAIGHT TOURNAMENT

 

SCANDAL BREWS OVER INCLUSION OF SAUDI OIL MOGUL IN BUSH'S TOP 8

STEVE CENTANI BURROWS UNDER GAZA SECURITY WALL, KIDNAPS ISRAELI SOLDIER

 

MEDIA: LOWER GAS PRICES WILL RESULT IN DANGEROUSLY HEAVIER WALLETS, INJURIES

BUSH RESCINDS YESTERDAY'S PRE-EMPTIVE APOLOGY HURRICANE ERNESTO'S PREDICTED DESTRUCTION

PLUMMETING GAS PRICES SNEAK INTO U.S. WHILE MEDIA OBSESSES OVER KARR AND ERNESTO

FOXNEWS HURRICANE REPORTER GETS SWEET GIG IN SOUTH BEACH TO REPORT ON LIGHT DRIZZLE ERNESTO

 

CNN TO SHOWCASE 'EXAGGERATED MEDIA COVERAGE OF JOHN KARR' IN 3 HOUR SPECIAL

MUSLIM BLAMES BURNED-DOWN EMBASSY ON OVERHEATED APPLE LAPTOP BATTERY

1 YEAR LATER, NEW ORLEANS STILL SUFFERING FROM HURRICANE DAMAGE, DAMAGED INFRASTRUCTURE, MAYOR NEGIN

MSNBC: LIGHT DRIZZLE ERNESTO MAY BATTER SOUTH FLORIDA TONIGHT, KILLING TENS OR POSSIBLY HUNDREDS

CNN RELEASES 2 FOXNEWS HOSTAGES

TSA IMPLEMENTS MANDATORY MID-FLIGHT 'TERRORISM ALERT' GROUNDINGS FOR ALL U.S. FLIGHTS

HOLLYWOOD MAKES FORMAL REQUEST FOR U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL VETO VOTE POWER

CELEBRITY SPOKESPERSON CITES DESIRE 'TO KEEP FOREIGN COUNTRIES LIKE THE U.S. IN CHECK'

CNN 2 HOUR TROPICAL STORM ERNESTO SPECIAL: STORM MAY BECOME HURRICANE, KILL MILLIONS

REPORT: DON IMUS STILL ALIVE, 'DESPITE APPEARANCES'

JOHN KARR: 'I KILLED JON BENET, I'M INNOCENT'

FRANCE SENDS ANOTHER TROOP TO LEBANON TO OVERSEE THE DISARMAMENT OF ISRAEL

 

VIACOM FIRES TOM CRUISE, INKS DEAL WITH 'MORE NORMAL' LITTLE RICHARD

IRAN RESCHEDULES END OF WORLD FOR 'SOMETIME IN 2007'

BUSH ADMITS TO ORCHESTRATING 9-11 OVER ROOT BEERS AT INAUGURAL BALL IN JAN 2001

MIKE WALLACE: 'JOHN MARK KARR IS NOT CRAZY, ANTI-SEMITIC, OR THAT BAD LOOKING'

HILLARY CLINTON DEMANDS RECOUNT IN TIME MAGAZINE COVER 'LOVE HER, HATE HER' VOTE

U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT SUGGESTS 'NATIONAL CONVERSION TO ISLAM' IN ATTEMPT TO AVOID AUG 22 APOCALYPSE

LIBERALS, HOLLYWOODERS WITHHOLD SUPPORT FROM JOHN KARR 'UNTIL HE'S PROVEN GUILTY'

FRANCE POSITIONS SECOND INFLATABLE OFF LEBANESE COAST AS TENSIONS MOUNT

FRANCE PREPARES TO SEND TROOP TO LEBANON

RICHARD SIMMONS TO ASSIST U.N. AND FRENCH PEACEKEEPING FORCE IN LEBANON

HEZBOLLAH: ISRAEL'S REFUSAL TO VIOLATE CEASEFIRE IS DESIGNED TO MAKE US LOOK BAD

MIKE WALLACE TO INTERVIEW 'MISUNDERSTOOD AND HANDSOME' OSAMA BIN LADEN

2 FOXNEWS EMPLOYEES BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY CNN IN GAZA

MUSLIM-LOOKING MAN BUYS 50,000 CELL PHONES BECAUSE 'BLUE LIGHT DEAL WAS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP'

HEZBOLLAH'S NASRALLA: 'WE THANK THE U.N. FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY TO RE-ARM, I MEAN CEASE FIRE'

CONCERNS ARISE THAT DEBUT OF SURI CRUISE PHOTOS MAY DISTRACT U.K. TERROR INVESTIGATION

NY TIMES CRITICIZES BUSH FOR U.K. DETENTION OF TERROR SUSPECTS

BBC DENIES ACCUSING U.K. TERROR SUSPECTS OF 'MUSLIMISH APPEARANCE'

TOM DASCHLE CAUGHT IN U.K. AIRLINE TERROR ROUNDUP

CYNTHIA McKINNEY'S TENURE IN CONGRESS REPLACES HANGING GARDENS OF BABYLON AS SEVENTH WONDER OF THE WORLD

REUTERS RETRACTS REPORT ON ISRAELI NUKE ATTACK ON HANDICAP CHILDRENS' NURSERY IN SWEDEN

LIEBERMAN LOSS ENCOURAGES DNC TO POSITION WARD CHURCHILL FOR A U.S. PRESIDENTIAL RUN

SEN. LIEBERMAN RENOUNCES SUPPORT FOR AMERICA IN ATTEMPT TO SAVE POLITICAL CAREER IN DEMOCRATIC PARTY

LIFELONG DEMOCRAT LIEBERMAN FIND SELF 'DROWNING IN A PARTY OF KOOKS AND NUTS'

FRANCE THREATENS HEZBOLLAH WITH ARMS EMBARGO

HEZBOLLAH LEADER VOWS TO ATTACK CITIZEN STRONGHOLDS IN TEL AVIV

U.N. BURIES MEL GIBSON UNDER JOB OFFERS

TOMKAT TO UNVEIL SURI CRUISE AT 2008 UFO CONVENTION

HAMAS EXTENDS 'LIQUIDATION OF JEWS FOR PEACE' DEAL TO ISRAEL

U.N. THREATENS HEZBOLLAH WITH 100 SECURITY COUNCIL RESOLUTIONS

MICHAEL MOORE: ISRAEL IS GOING TO WAR WITH HEZBOLLAH FOR ITS OIL

CONDI RICE TO VISIT MIDEAST, HOLD TALKS WITH MASKED HEZBOLLAH TERRORISTS

ARAB LEAGUE: ISRAEL MUST APOLOGIZE FOR HEZBOLLAH ATTACKS ON NORTHERN PALESTINE

 

U.N. URGES HEZBOLLAH TO SHOW RESTRAINT IN AIRING NEW PRO-AMERICAN COKE COMMERCIAL

BARBARO DOING 'MUCH BETTER' DESPITE APOCALYPSE IN MIDEAST

'LOOSE CHANGE 9-11' PINS HEZBOLLAH ROCKET ATTACKS ON BUSH, CHENEY

REPORT: NEW STYLES MAKING IT HARD TO DIFFERENTIATE CELEBRITIES FROM NORMAL UNIMPORTANT PEOPLE

MICHAEL MOORE REFUSES TO JOIN CINDY SHEEHAN'S PEACE FAST, CITES 'OBVIOUS REASONS'

BUSH SENDS F-16 WARPLANE OVER CINDY SHEEHAN'S HOUSE AS 'A WARNING AGAINST FURTHER ATTACKS'

CONDI RICE CANCELS SUBSCRIPTION TO NY TIMES ONLINE DATING SERVICE

DOZENS OF BILL CLINTON SPEECH ATTENDEES CONTRACT CRABS

AL GORE SELF-FULFILLS CRAZY GLOBAL WARMING PROPHECY

HOT AIR FROM FORMER VEEP MELTS POLAR ICE CAPS

SUPREME COURT REVERSES ABU MOSAB AL-ZARQAWI ASSASSINATION

MEDIA ORGASMS OVER RUSH LIMBAUGH VIAGRA STORY

JIMMY CARTER RUSHES TO NORTH KOREA TO ASSIST WITH NUKE TEST

COLD BOX OFFICE SALES FOR GORE MOVIE REVERSES GLOBAL WARMING

CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS FROM NATIONAL ARCHIVES FOUND IN ZARQAWI'S SOCKS

WHITNEY HOUSTON CELEBRATES 10TH BEATING -FREE DAY WITH CRACK PARTY

HIGHEST SOCCER SCORE EVER RECORDED IN ITALY'S 1-0 VICTORY OVER FRANCE IN WORLD CUP MATCH

ROVE GETS OFF ON 'LACK OF WRONGDOING' TECHNICALITY

POLL: MOST AMERICANS DON'T KNOW IF WORLD CUP INVOLVES SOCCER, HOCKEY, OR BOTH

BUSH CELEBRATES EARLY JULY 4 WITH TROOPS AND GIANT FAKE HAMBURGER PHOTO OP

NSA OVERWHELMED BY 'MINDLESS BANTER AND GOSSIPY CHATTER'

GORE: 'STRENGTHENING HURRICANE ALBERTO PROVES I'M NOT A TOTAL WHACKO'

U.S. MILITARY SUPPOSEDLY IDENTIFIES BODY OF AL-ZARQAWI AS 'NOT A LATEX BODY DOUBLE'

ZARQAWI REJECTED BY HEAVENLY VIRGINS DUE TO 'DISGUSTING FACIAL WOUNDS'

ZARQAWI DEATH LEAVES DEMOCRATIC PARTY WITH 'ONE LESS SUPPORTER'

BATWOMAN RETURNS AS A MALE

NEW ICE AGE GREETS BOX OFFICE NUMBERS FOR AL GORE MOVIE

JEFFERSON (DEMOCRAT-SOME U.S. STATE): MONEY WAS IN FREEZER BECAUSE BANK'S AIR CONDITIONING WAS BROKE

ELIZABETH TAYLOR KILLS DEATH RUMORS WITH LIVE APPEARANCE ON LARRY KING

NEW IMMIGRATION DEAL GRANTS DISNEY ANNUAL PASSES TO ILLEGALS

KERRY RESPONDS TO SWIFT BOAT VETERANS

SWAT TEAMS DISCOVER WHOOPEE CUSHION IN 18 HOUR D.C. LOCKDOWN MELEE

PITT, JOLIE HAVE SPOILED RICH BABY

KAT DROWNS IDOL LOSS IN WILD TURKEY BOTTLE, ENDLESS LOOP OF 'HAD A BAD DAY'

DAN BROWN INSISTS DA VINCI CODE IS 'UNDENIABLY TRUE FICTION'

DA VINCI CODE PULLING 'TENS OF FOLLOWERS' FROM CHRISTENDOM

CENTER FOR DISEASE PREVENTION: HUMAN-TO-HUMAN TRANSMISSION OF LIBERALISM SUSPECTED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DAN BROWN PLACES RIGHT HAND ON DA VINCI CODE, SWEARS HE DIDN'T PLAGIARIZE

BUSH VISITS BORDER, IS 'SHOCKED' TO FIND NO GIGANTIC PROTECTIVE BARRIER

MEXICO OUTRAGED AS U.S. THREATENS TO ENFORCE ITS SOUTHERN BORDER

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS MARCH, DEMAND MEMBERSHIPS TO CONGRESS

PAULA ABDUL'S COKE CUP INVESTIGATED FOR RUM

BUSH: NATIONAL GUARD TROOP POWERS WILL BE LIMITED TO 'HANGING OUT' AND 'LOOKING' AT BORDER

ENVIRONMENTALIST GROUPS URGE ALLIGATOR VICTIMS TO WEAR 'BIODEGRADEABLE CLOTHING'

BUSH VOWS TO SECURE AMERICA'S BORDERS WITH IRAN, NORTH KOREA, CUBA, SYRIA, AND MASSACHUSSETS

 

NASA NIXES PLANS TO EXPLORE MYSPACE DUE TO RISING FUEL COSTS

AMERICAN IDOL HOPEFUL DAUGHTRY: 'AMERICA DIDN'T EXPECT THIS AT ALL - IT CAME AS A COMPLETE SHOCK TO US'

Gov. Bush has 'no idea' whether presidential aspirations are in his future

KENNEDY: 'I DON'T REMEMBER GETTING OUT OF BED, GOING TO THAT BAR, AND DRINKING ALL NIGHT'

CAPITOL POLICE SURRENDER TO PUBLIC PRESSURE, WILL MAKE KENNEDY TAKE SOBRIETY TEST

KENNEDY CHANGES STORY, SAYS 'SOMEONE SLIPPED A RUM AND COKE IN MY AMBIEN'

LOST PRODUCERS: 'ANA LUCIA WAS ARRESTED FOR DUI, SO WE SHOT HER'

DISNEY TO CLOSE RIDE THAT 'KEEPS KILLING PEOPLE'

WENDY'S APOLOGIZES FOR HUMAN HEAD FOUND IN CHILI

COUNTLESS AMERICAN CITIZENS MARCH TO WORK, BEGIN PRODUCTIVE WORK WEEK

MEXICANS MARCH AGAINST 'AMERICAN RULES AND LAWS'

JOHN KERRY JOINS CHORUS OF MILITARY FIGURES CALLING FOR RUMSFELD'S RESIGNATION

60 MILLION FEMALE MYSPACE USERS FIND NEW GUY 'STAND-OFFISH, BUT HOT'

NY TIMES POLL: 172 AMERICANS APPROVE OF BUSH

ANCIENT MANUSCRIPT EXONERATES JUDAS ISCARIOT, BRINGS EXISTENCE OF CHRISTIANITY INTO QUESTION

BILL FRIST AND REPUBLICANS ANNOUNCE 'IMMIGRATION BREAKTHROUGH' WITH JOHN MCCAIN AND DEMOCRATS

JOURNALIST GETS GONORREAH FROM SHARON STONE INTERVIEW

SENATE VOTES UNANIMOUSLY TO CENSURE SHARON STONE FOR 'BASIC INSTINCT II'

NORTH EASTERN CONGRESSMAN SUGGESTS FILLING THR RIO GRANDE 'WITH ARKS AND POISONOUS ALLIGATORS'

ABC DENIES BIAS IN IT'S COVERAGE OF 'CITIZENSHIP-CHALLENGED WORKERS'

CHRISTIAN CONVERT IN HOLLYWOOD FEARS FOR LIFE, SEEKS ASYLUM IN AMERICA

KATIE HOLMES READIES TO DELIVER ALIEN BABY

ABC NEWS: SADDAM APPROVED MEETINGS WITH GROUP CALLED 'AL QUEDA'

SECTARIAN VIOLENCE ERUPTS BETWEEN ANTI-BUSH PEACE PROTESTERS AND NTI-ISRAEL PEACE PROTESTERS

NPR FINDS SILVER LINING IN U.S. DEFEAT IN IRAQ WAR

 

BUCKY GETS KICKED OFF AMERICAN IDOL; VOTING TO TAKE PLACE TOMORROW

 

HELEN THOMAS QUESTIONS BUSH ON MURDERING IRAQI CHILDREN FOR THEIR OIL

TOM CRUISE BURNS DOWN U.S. EMBASSY IN HOLLYWOOD

DIANE FIENSTEIN FLOATS BILL TO PROTECT SCIENTOLOGY FROM ANIMATED TV SHOW

 

CIVIL WAR BREAKS OUT IN U.S. SENATE

POLICE HOPE AUTOPSY WILL REVEAL CAUSE OF DEATH IN DRIVE-BY SHOOTING

BUSH AND CHENEY DENY PLANNING A 'KILLER HURRICANE' DURING LAST TRIP TO TEXAS RANCH

BIRD FLU SCARE PROMPTS SEN. KENNEDY TO STORE 300 MONTHS OF FOOD UNDER BED

CONSUMER CONFIDENCE INDEX JUMPS ON RUMORS OF NEW 'LOST' EPISODE

PROSECUTOR'S MISTAKE LANDS MOUSSAOUI IN DISNEY WORLD

MIKE WALLACE LEAVES CBS TO 'SPEND MORE QUALITY TIME' WITH HIS PLASTIC SURGEON

MILOSOVIC TO LIE IN STATE AT NETHERLAND'S FRENCH EMBASSY

BUSH BACKS BERMUDAN BAKERY PURCHASE DEAL

PROFESSOR CLAIMS BUSH-JEFFREY DAHMER COMPARISON WAS MEANT TO 'ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENT THINKING'

NASA ALIEN ANNOUNCEMENT UNCOVERED AS PLOY TO BOOST 'WAR OF WORLDS' DVD SALES

DRUDGE REPORT CRASHES AS NASA PREPARES TO REPORT 'DISCOVERY OF MAN-EATING ALIENS, OR POSSIBILITY THEREOF'

DEMOCRATS FIND ANGLE TO BLAME BUSH FOR BARRY BONDS STEROID ABUSE

NPR IN THREE-WAY TIE WITH KERRY, GORE TO LOSE '08 DEMOCRATIC PRIMARIES

SEN. KENNEDY BLASTS 'CONSERVATIVELY PRUDE' MARDI GRAS CELEBRATION ON BOURBON STREET

AIR AMERICA CELEBRATES 100TH LISTENER

MUSLIM OUTRAGE ESCALATES OVER PORT OWNERSHIP, JEWS, THE WESTERN WORLD, AND CARTOONS

BUSH OKS SALE OF HOMELAND SECURITY DEPT TO HEZBOLLAH

JIMMY CARTER OKS PORT SALES, SAYS 'HAMAS SHOULD GET ONE TOO'

$365 MILLION LOTTERY WINNER HIRES PR FIRM, LUXURY REAL ESTATE AGENT, BANKRUPTCY LAWYER

IRAN'S AHMADADINEJAB INSISTS HIS APOCALYPTIC ASPIRATIONS ARE 'FOR PEACEFUL PURPOSES ONLY'

CNN: CRITICAL NATURE OF CHENEY VICTIM'S CONDITION DETERIORATING T AN ALARMING RATE'

BRYANT GUMBEL DITCHES WHITE FRIENDS O.J. SIMPSON AND MICHAEL JACKSON, EXPOSES SELF AS 'BLACK'

BODE MILLER RACES TO LEAD IN SLALOM EVENT, PROVES THAT DRINKING AND SKIING IS A WINNING COMBINATION

LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS FIND GOLDMINE OF FUN IN CHENEY'S MURDEROUS RAMPAGE

VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY'S VICTIM IN 'EXTREMELY STABLE' CONDITION

SEN. HILLARY HAS STAFF SEND ANNUAL VALENTINE'S FAX TO FORMER PRESIDENT CLINTON

0 BR, 0 BA APARTMENTS IN NEW YORK BREAK $1 MILLION MARK

AL GORE ATTACKS U.S. EMBASSY IN WASHINGTON OVER CARTOON DEPICTING HIM AS LOSER OF 2000 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

FRANCE BANS ANTI-MICHAEL MOORE CARTOONS TO AVOID MUSLIM RAGE

NEWSWEEK: ISRAEL MAKING TOP-SECRET PLANS TO ATTACK IRAN'S NATANZ URANIUM PLANT ON MAR. 12

MUSLIMS BUILD MONUMENT TO U.S. DEMOCRATS AFTER CARTOON DEPICTING SENATE ARGUMENT AGAINST WIRETAPS IS PUBLISHED

CYNTHIA McKINNEY GRABS AISLE SEAT EARLY, IN TIME FOR NEXT YEAR'S STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

SUPERBOWL XL REF FINDS RIGHT TO ABORTION IN CONSTITUTION

MASTERMIND OF U.S. COLE ATTACK ESCAPES PRISON TO ATTEND HIS NOBEL PEACE PRIZE CEREMONY

NSA BUDGET STRETCHED TO STORE VOLUME OF MICHAEL MOORE PHONE CONVERSATIONS WITH AL QAEDA

SUPERBOWL XL REFS CLAIM TO HAVE SEEN 'A COUPLE MORE PITTSBURGH TOUCHDOWNS THAT WE ORIGINALLY MISSED'

GILLETTE'S NEW 15 BLADE RAZOR FAILS TO SLICE THROUGH SUPERBOWL COMMERCIAL EXPECTATIONS

THOUSANDS OF BUSH CRONIES RIOT, PLEDGE DEATH AND DESTRUCTION TO CANADA AFTER GARY TRUDEAU ANTI-BUSH CARTOON

HILLARY CLINTON FAILS TO GET DESIRED 'BOUNCE' FROM STATE OF THE UNION SMIRK

ALITO EXTENDS OLIVE BRANCH TO KENNEDY, INVITES SENATOR TO PRIVATE VIEWING OF '40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN'

REMOVAL OF KWANZA TREES, DECORATIONS FROM SEN. KERRY'S HOMES TO COMPLETED BY MID-FEBRUARY

LEAK: DEMS PLAN TO BLAME RAPTURE ON GLOBAL WARMING, 'IF IT HAPPENS'

DNC HIRES 'MILLION LITTLE PIECES' AUTHOR TO DISTRIBUTE OUR AGENDA TO THE PUBLIC THE WAY WE NEED IT TO BE REPRESENTED'

BUSH TO STOP TALKING TO DEMS, SAYS HE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE A PARTY DEDICATED TO THE ANNIHILATION OF AMERICA'

U.S. DEMOCRATIC PARTY CONSIDERS HAMAS-TYPE 'ARMED WING', WITHOUT RMS

'BROKEBACK II: THE FINAL BATTLE' TO FEATURE AFFAIR BETWEEN TWO MALE ANTI-GAY PROTESTORS

'FARENHYPE 911' WINS BEST PICTURE AT CANADIAN OSCARS

BUSH PREEMPTIVELY DENIES RESPONSIBILITY FOR DEATH OF SEAN PENN'S BROTHER

IRAN: DONATIONS TO HILLARY '08 ARE 'FOR PEACEFUL, NON-THREATENING PURPOSES ONLY'

G.O.P. CHEIF: "AMERICANS WILL NOT LET JUST SIT BACK IN '08 AND LET HILLARY MAN-HANDLE US'

EARLY ADOPTERS GIVE THUMBS DOWN TO NEW 'SPICY PEPSI'

U.S. REP BARNEY FRANK JOCKEYS FOR BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN II PART, CAMEO, OR FREE DVD

TED KENNEDY RE-ELECTION BID TIED TO FED'S PORN SEARCH REQUEST FROM GOOGLE

BIN LADEN TRUCE INCLUDES OFFER TO REBUILD IRAQ'S WMD PROGRAM

SEN. KENNEDY: 21-YR OLD OFFSPRING NEWS WAS 'GOOD TIMING', SAYS LOVE CHILD WAS 'USELESS TO ME BEFORE DRINKING AGE'

NASA ASSURES FLORIDA EAST COAST RESIDENTS THAT PLUTONIUN-LADEN ROCKET 'MIGHT NOT EXPLODE' ON LAUNCH

GROUP OF TWO VIEWS 'BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN' AT THEATER, INCREASES FILM'S CHANCE OF OSCAR LOCK

NEW ORLEAN BLACK COMMUNITY BLAMES BUSH FOR MAYOR NEGIN'S RACIST MARKS

IRANIAN NEWS AGENCY WILL ALLOW CNN TO CONTINUE BROADCASTING ANTI-AMERICAN PROPAGANDA

NASA SATELLITE CRASHES SAFELY INTO HOUSE in UTAH

JUDGE ALITO QUESTIONS SEN. KENNEDY'S STRIP SEARCHING OF 10 TWENTYSOMETHING YEAR OLDS

RIPLEY'S AND GUINESS BOOK BID FOR RIGHTS TO SHOWCASE JOE BIDEN'S 7 MINUTE 'QUESTION' TO JUDGE ALITO

SEN. SPECTER: 'MY FELLOW DEMOCRATS AND I WILL PROCEED WITH THE RESPECT THAT JUDGE ALITO DESERVES'

MAALOX SALES EXPLOSION BLAMED ON 'TOO MANY' TELEVISED IMAGES OF N. KENNEDY

HARRY BELAFONTE'S DEMENTIA REARS HIS UGLY HEAD AGAIN

HARRY BELAFONTE CRITICIZES BIN LADEN AS 'WORLD'S GREATEST HERO'

ALITO TRIAL JUDGE REJECTS DEFENDANT'S REQUEST TO ATTEND PROCEEDINGS IN MEDICALLY-INDUCED COMA

PRINCE HARRY WINS BROTHER'S RIGHT YO BRITISH THRONE IN 'ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS' CONTEST

CHARLIE SHEEN, DENISE RICHARDS DIVORCE SHOCKS HOLLYWOOD

CASTRO SAYS NEW IMPROVED RICE COOKER WILL BE AVAILABLE AS SOON AS 2011

NBA PLAYERS THREATEN STRIKE OVER SUIT-AND-TIE GAMEWEAR REQUIREMENT

NEW BIG MAC COMBO MEAL DEAL TO INCLUDE LARGER FRIES, $5 OFF MEDICAL BILLS

MSNBC: 'WE'RE NOT GOING TO SPECULATE HERE, BUT THE TRAPPED MINERS ARE DEAD, PROBABLY'

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