Daily conservative political satire news compiled with an innocent - and almost unrecognizable, anti-liberal bias. Basically, the funny side of horribly depressing news.
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REPORT: LEGALIZING POT WILL INCREASE TAX REVENUES, BEN & JERRY'S ICE CREAM SALES
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JOE JACKSON SETS UP WEBSITE, ASKS L.A. TAXPAYERS TO HELP WITH NEW RECORD COMPANY COSTS
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DEMS SLIP SOCIAL SECURITY, WELFARE, AND NATIONAL DEFENSE REFORM INTO HEALTHCARE BILL
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BIDEN DOWNPLAYS EXPECTATIONS FOR STIMULUS: SAYS 'WE'LL MOST LIKELY ALL BE DEAD SOON'
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AT CONFIRMATION HEARINGS, SEN. FRANKEN CIRCLING SOTOMAYOR ON MINI CLOWN BIKE
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DEMS GRILL SOTOMAYOR OVER ICE CREAM FLAVOR PREFERENCE, PERFUME CHOICE
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WHITE HOUSE: OBAMA WASN'T RUBBER-NECKING AT TEEN'S BACKSIDE; WAS BOWING TO NEARBY SAUDI KING
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BUSY JESSE JACKSON SENDS CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF SELF TO INCITE RACIAL UNREST IN PHILLY
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HEALTHCARE BILL INCLUDES BILLIONS FOR VINTAGE BIG WHEELS, RAINBOW-COLORED PROPELLER HATS
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NBC JOURNALIST: IT WAS 'BITTERSWEET' TO FINALLY WASH HAND OBAMA SHOOK LAST YEAR
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SHOCK: TALK OF 'NEW STIMULUS' IS THIRD; CONGRESS PASSED SECOND STIMULUS DURING MJ MEMORIAL
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CNN ATTACKS MICHELLE OBAMA FOR 'NOT SHOWING MORE OF THOSE HEAVENLY ARMS'
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JOE JACKSON ASKS TO COMBINE MICHAEL JACKSON EULOGY WITH NEW RECORD COMPANY IPO INFO
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MJ FUNERAL MOTORCADE PULLS OVER TO SPANK BICKERING AL SHARPTON AND JESSE JACKSON
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DAVID HASSELHOFF'S REQUEST TO PERFORM 'HIT SONG' AT JACKSON MEMORIAL DENIED
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OBAMA OFFERS PUTIN SCALPED TICKET TO JACKSON MEMORIAL IN EXCHANGE FOR FRIENDSHIP
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MSNBC: FBI FAILS TO FIND FBI CORRUPTION CHARGES LEVIED AGAINST SCANDALOUS SARAH PALIN
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STATESMAN AL FRANKEN MANAGES TO CONTAIN HILARIOUS BUSH-THE-IRAQI-BABY-KILLER JOKE HE WROTE
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LEAK: OBAMA MAY SEIZE MORE INDUSTRIES WHILE NATION DISTRACTED BY MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL
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NORTH KOREA: WITH JUST ONE MORE ROLL OF DUCT TAPE, SOME TWINE AND A BIC LIGHTER, WOODEN ROCKET WILL ANNIHILATE U.S.
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LIQUID NAILS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD WOODEN NORTH KOREAN ROCKET TOGETHER; LAUNCH SCRUBBED
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FOX NEWS' CARL CAMERON: SELFISH PALIN ATTEMPTING TO MONOPOLIZE NEWS CYCLE
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SARAH PALIN VACATING GOVERNOR'S POST TO ATTEND TO WHATEVER EVERYONE'S SPECULATING ABOUT
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COLIN POWELL EXPRESSES 'A CERTAIN DEGREE OF NUANCED CONCERN' OVER OBAMA AGENDA
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JOE JACKSON OFFERING MICHAEL JACKSON AUTOPSY PHOTOS IN EXCHANGE FOR INTEREST IN STUPID NEW RECORD COMPANY
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WHITE HOUSE SAYS OBAMA TOWN HALL QUESTION TO AUDIENCE MEMBER RAHM EMANUEL NOT STAGED
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JESSE JACKSON, AL SHARPTON MUD WRESTLE OVER MICHAEL JACKSON FUNERAL MOTORCADE POLE POSITION
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CONSTRUCTION CREWS GETTING MICHAEL JACKSON READY FOR PUBLIC VIEWING AT NEVERLAND
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APOLLO THEATER HOSTS AL SHARPTON'S MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL TRIBUTE STARRING AL SHARPTON
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INVESTIGATION REVEALS WHINING GOP HAD 'MORE THAN TEN MINUTES' TO READ SHORT 300 PAGE GREEN TAX BILL ON iPHONE KINDLE APPS
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HOLLYWOOD ASKS OBAMA TO APPOINT 'A CZAR OF SOME SORT' TO PREVENT MORE CELEB DEATHS
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ENERGY TAX BILL SLIPPED THROUGH HOUSE WHILE CONCERNED AMERICANS BREATHLESSLY AWAIT JACKO TOX RESULTS
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NORTH KOREA USES MICHAEL JACKSON DIVERSION AS OPPORTUNITY TO ANNIHILATE HAWAII
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MARK SANFORD PROMISES TO WEAR MONITORING BRACELET IF HE'S ALLOWED TO STILL BE GOVERNOR
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RACY 'THREESOME' EMAILS REVEALED BETWEEN CHRIS MATTHEWS, KEITH OLBERMANN, AND OBAMA
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OBAMA RESCINDS IRANIAN DIPLOMATS' INVITE TO SPECIAL OLYMPICS BOWL-A-THON AT WHITE HOUSE
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OBAMA MOVES JOURNALISTS FROM ROSE GARDEN TO 'MORE FAMILIAR' WHITE HOUSE JACUZZI FOR PRESSER
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'JON & KATE PLUS 8'-OBSESSED HAWAIIANS 'DON'T HAVE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT' PENDING NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION
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NORTH KOREA DELAYS NUKE ATTACK ON HAWAII; CITES NEED FOR SPOOL OF TWINE, BIC LIGHTER
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ARROGANT CHRIS BROWN REFUSES TO PLEAD 'NOT A MAN, GUILTY OF BEING A TOTAL ASS'
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HONOLULU LOCAL POLICE ASK WHITE HOUSE FOR PERMISSION TO ANNIHILATE NORTH KOREA
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TIGER WOODS BUYS COMPANIES EMPLOYING DRUNKEN U.S. OPEN HECKLERS, FIRES THEM
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MOON ROVER EXPECTED TO DELIVER PHOTOSHOPPED PROOF OF U.S. MOON LANDINGS
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OBAMA CAUTIONS U.S. NAVY AGAINST 'MEDDLING IN NORTH KOREA'S NUCLEAR EFFORTS'
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AYATOLLAH KHAMENEI CALLS IRANIAN ELECTION 'DEFINITIVE VICTORY', SAYS PERSONALLY COUNTED VOTES BEFORE SPEECH
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MICHAEL MOORE HIJACKED BY SOMALI PIRATES, SAILED TO DEEP WATER BERTH AFTER RANSOM DEMAND
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WAL-MART CREATING ITS OWN CIVILIAN DEFENSE FORCE ON NATIONALIZATION FEARS
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IRANIAN MULLAHS THREATEN TO 'UNPLUG EVERY ELECTRIC INTERNET MACHINE AND TWITTER BOX'
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SPRAWLING ADDITION TO ROBERT GIBBS' OFFICE TO HOUSE NY TIMES EDITORIAL STAFF
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CARTER NARROWLY ESCAPES ROADSIDE BEARHUG EMBRACE FROM HAMAS MILITANTS
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AMERICANS DISTRACTED FROM SLIDE INTO OBLIVION BY NEW MICHELLE OBAMA DRESS
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AHMADINEJAD AGREES TO PERSONALLY RECOUNT VOTES IN CONTESTED IRANIAN ELECTION
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WHITE HOUSE: IRAN, NORTH KOREA WILL JOIN U.S. IN 'AXIS OF EVOLVING CONCERNS'
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FANS CELEBRATE LAKERS' CHAMPIONSHIP BY BURNING DOWN, BOMBING, LOOTING L.A.
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WHITE HOUSE: IF U.S. LEVELS PYONYANG DURING SEC. CLINTON'S TRIP THERE, IT WILL BE AN INNOCENT ERROR
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TEHRAN SHOPS BURN AS FURIOUS IRANIANS PROTEST PRO-KOBE REF CONSPIRACY IN NBA FINALS
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FORMER U.S. PEANUT FARMER JIMMY CARTER CERTIFIES AHMADINEJAD 'WIN' IN IRANIAN ELECTION
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FIJI INSISTS ITS NUCLEAR RESEARCH EFFORTS ARE STRICTLY FOR WORLD DOMINATION
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WHO DECLARES PANDEMIC, SAYS NO REASON FOR CONCERN OVER 'DEATH AND DESTRUCTION THAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY FOLLOW'
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STRUGGLING BOSTON GLOBE TO PAY EMPLOYEES IN FREE BOSTON GLOBE SUBSCRIPTIONS
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LACKLUSTER OPENING EXPECTED FOR DOW ON FEARS THAT DOW MAY HAVE DOWN DAY
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EXPERT: PARACHUTE PANTS COMEBACK MAY REINVIGORATE ECONOMY, PULL U.S. OUT OF RECESSION
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WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY GIBBS REPLACED BY 'MORE COMPETENT' RANDY FROM 'MY NAME IS EARL'
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ALL TIES, BELTS, ROPES REMOVED FROM 'DEPRESSED' ORLANDO AFTER GAME 2 LOSS IN NBA FINALS
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NEW QUICK-WEIGHT-LOSS DIET ALLOWS CELEBS TO GAIN HUNDREDS, MAKE QUICKER COMEBACKS
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LOTTERY WINNER DESTITUTE AFTER $10 MILLION JACKPOT, 'CRAZY' NIGHT AT STRIP CLUB
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WHITE HOUSE BUTLERS RELIEVED ARAB WORLD DECLINES OBAMA'S INVITATION TO WATCH NBA FINALS AT WHITE HOUSE
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OBAMA APOLOGIZES TO ARABS FOR 'THOSE REDNECKS WHO WHINED' ABOUT SAUDI BOW
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OBAMA TO CHAVEZ: PLEASE STOP 'LIKE'-ING EVERY ONE OF MY FACEBOOK STATUSES
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SURI CRUISE ABANDONS SCIENTOLOGY AFTER LEARNING OF FREAKY ALIEN WARLORD GOD
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ASHTON KUTCHER TAKES TOP SPOT IN PEOPLE'S '25 MOST ELIGIBLE MARRIED MEN'
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GIBBS: ADDRESSING WHITE HOUSE PRESS POOL AS 'FRIENDS, ALLIES AND CO-WORKERS' WAS 'A POOR CHOICE OF WORDS'
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PHIL SPECTOR STILL SURPRISED 'I COULDN'T HAVE KILLED HER - I WAS GOING TO GET MY GUN' DEFENSE DIDN'T WORK
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WITH NATION DISTRACTED BY NBA PLAYOFFS, OBAMA SWAPS OUT VICE PRESIDENTS
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SUSAN BOYLE MAINTAINS THANKFULNESS FOR FAME IN INTERVIEW FROM INSANE ASYLUM
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CASH-STRAPPED JAPAN ERECTS CHAIN LINK FENCE TO PROTECT AGAINST NORTH KOREAN MISSILE ATTACK
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BANKRUPTCY LOOMS FOR LOCAL AUTO DEALERSHIP DESPITE STD RESEARCH FUNDING IN STIMULUS PACKAGE
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MILLIONS OF IDIOTS NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF '$10K A MONTH FROM YOUR COUCH' OFFERS
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U.N. THREATENS NORTH KOREA WITH 'A CERTAIN DEGREE OF FRIENDLY CONCERN' IF NUKE EFFORTS CONTINUE
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ANTI-HISPANIC REPUBLICAN QUESTIONS SOTOMAYOR'S REVERSE DISCRIMINATION OPINION
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OBAMA NOMINATES SONIA SOTOMAYOR'S HISPANIC ETHNICITY TO U.S. SUPREME COURT
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U.N. ISSUES STERN CONDEMNATION OF ISRAEL IN WAKE OF SECOND NORTH KOREAN ROCKET LAUNCH
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PRESIDENT OBAMA CELEBRATES MEMORIAL DAY WITH BEST-OF-ROUND QUADRUPLE BOGIE ON 16
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OBAMA PRAISES 'THOSE FIGHTING IN THE MIDDLE EAST', THANKS U.S. TROOPS TOO
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PELOSI: 'THIS SILLY CIA STUFF' IS DISTRACTING AMERICANS FROM BRISTOL PALIN, RUSH LIMBAUGH'S DESIRE FOR OBAMA TO FAIL
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ADVISORS TALK OBAMA OUT OF NATIONALIZING THE NATION'S LEMONADE STANDS
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LAWMAKERS GIVEN 600-PAGE CLIFF NOTES FOR CLIMATE BILL, 15 MINUTES TO READ
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CHENEY-OBAMA 'BATTLE OF THE SPEECHES' PAY-PER-VIEW NUMBERS SET RECORD
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IDIOTS STILL GETTING INTEREST-ONLY MORTGAGES CONTRIBUTING TO 2021 DEPRESSION
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NIGERIAN EMAIL SCAMMERS LEAPFROG OVER NANCY PELOSI ON PEOPLE'S '1,000 PEOPLE WE LIKE' LIST
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RACHEL MADDOW NIXED FROM TOP COURT VACANCY SHORT LIST; OBAMA SAYS 'THAT GUY IS TOO CONSERVATIVE'
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#tcot ... Thank you for following the best in Conservative-flavored satire on the web!
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SECRET NSA GADGET REVEALS: ROSWELL DETAILS AND EXISTENCE OF SECRET NSA GADGET TO BE OUTED IN FUTURE BIDEN GAFFE
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WORLD HEALTH ORG RAISES STRESS ALERT TO ALL-TIME HIGH FOR CELTICS FANS
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CONTROVERSY ESCALATES AFTER OBAMA SUGGESTS MOVING GUANTANAMO DETAINEES TO NOTRE DAME
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ASTRONAUTS IN SPACEWALK TO TACKLE SPACE SHUTTLE OIL AND TIMING BELT CHANGES
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WHITE HOUSE EMPLOYS OXYCLEAN GUY TO PEDDLE HEALTHCARE REFORM TO IDIOT MASSES
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BURGER KING SALES INCREASE DESPITE HORRIFYING PLASTIC-FACED BURGER KING
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POLL: 87% OF REMAINING NY TIMES READERS THINK 'THE MIDWEST' IS FOREIGN COUNTRY
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CRAZY PELOSI ACCUSES CIA OF LYING, CHALLENGES MIKE TYSON TO ALLEYWAY FIST FIGHT
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118 YR OLD McCAIN MOTHER REPLACES 16 YR OLD McCAIN DAUGHTER AS DE FACTO GOP HEAD
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KANYE WEST ENRAGED AT BEING SPOOFED ON TWITTER, SAYS 'HEADS OF TWITTER HATE BLACK PEOPLE'
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NO RELEASE OF DETAINEE PHOTOS; OBAMA SAYS 'IT'S ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THEY EXIST, AND THAT WE'RE HORRIBLE'
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SALE OF PICKETT COUNTY, TENNESSEE'S 16 ANDOVER DR. HINTS AT NATION-WIDE HOUSING BUBBLE COMEBACK
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OBAMA HANDLERS TO WEAN PRESIDENT FROM TELEPROMPTER, GIVE IT TO HIM 'ONLY AT NIGHTTIME'
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ROBERT GIBBS STUMBLES WHEN ASKED WHO THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY IS
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ARAB STREET ENRAGED AFTER MISS SAUDI ARABIA 'SEMI NUDE' REVEALS UPPER CHEEKBONE, 'WAY TOO MUCH FOREHEAD'
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OVAL OFFICE FIST BUMP CLAIMED TO BE WHITE HOUSE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER
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TREKKIES RISK EXTENDING BACHELORHOOD WITH FRENZIED PILGRIMAGE TO NEW STAR TREK FLICK
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INVESTORS RELIEVED THAT BANKS ONLY NEED 'BILLIONS AND BILLIONS MORE' TO SURVIVE; DOW SOARS
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OBAMA CLAIMS 'NOT PHOTOSHOPPED' STAMP PROVES LEGITIMACY OF HIS THREE BIRTH CERTIFICATES
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ELIZABETH EDWARDS: 'JOHN SAID THE MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY TO DETERMINE PATERNITY WILL BE AVAILABLE SOME DAY'
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TAXPAYERS SHOULDER OBAMA'S $650K AIRFORCE ONE FLIGHT TO LOCAL DC BURGER JOINT
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AMERICAN COUCH POTATOES SEEM SOMEWHAT EXCITED TO BE FINALLY GETTING 'THEIR FAIR SHARE'
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LESS HOT, MORE POLITICALLY-CORRECT CONTESTANT WINS ANOTHER BEAUTY PAGEANT
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REAM OF COPY PAPER RESERVED FOR OBAMA'S GITMO PLAN RECEIVES PARTY LINE VOTE IN SENATE
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FLU MASK SALES SURGE DESPITE SWINE FLU PANDEMIC FEARS; OBAMA ECONOMIC ADVISORS STUMPED
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DEMOCRATS SAY 'YES' TO SUPREME COURT NOMINEE, SAY THEY 'ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO FIND OUT WHO IT WILL BE'
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LEAK: OBAMA ORIGINALLY PUSHED CHRYSLER TO PARTNER WITH SECTOR 9 SKATEBOARDS
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CDC: NEW 109,000,001 'SUSPECTED SWINE FLU CASES' INCLUDE ENTIRE MEXICAN POPULATION, GUY FROM PHOENIX
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MASSACHUSETTS TO OFFER ADJUSTABLE RATE MONTH-TO-MONTH MARRIAGE CONTRACTS
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SPECTER ADMITS PARTY SWITCH MOTIVATED BY DESIRE TO STAY EMPLOYED IN CRUMBLING ECONOMY
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OBAMA: 'THERE'S NO REASON TO PANIC YET OVER THIS SWINE FLU I INHERITED'
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ARLEN SPECTER FINALLY OUTS SELF AS A DEMOCRAT, WILL REMAIN IN DEMOCRATIC PARTY
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OBAMA SCRAMBLES TO FIND INCOME TAX-PAYING HHS SECRETARY AS SWINE FLU SPREADS
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SUSPECTED SWINE FLU CASE TURNS OUT TO ONLY BE NEWLY-MUTATED AVIAN BIRD FLU
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SPRAWLING ADDITION TO OVAL OFFICE TO PROVIDE ROOM FOR NEW 'CRISIS INBOX'
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VEGETARIANS USE SWINE FLU PANDEMIC AS ANOTHER EXCUSE TO NOT EAT TASTY PIGS
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NY TIMES: TOP-SECRET ISRAELI STEALTH ATTACK ON IRAN PLANNED FOR JULY 14, 5:35 P.M. TEHRAN TIME
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SWINE FLU OUTBREAK PROMPTS OBAMA WHITE HOUSE TO REITERATE NEED FOR ADDITIONAL GUN CONTROL MEASURES
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SWINE FLU OUTBREAK HAMPERS PREVIOUSLY-THRIVING MEXICO CITY PIG STY TOURS
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FORD FINISHES BURNING THROUGH REST OF CASH, COLLAPSES ON CFO'S $24.36 LUNCH TAB
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MICHAEL MOORE INFLUENZA MUTATES INTO SWINE FLU, PROMPTS PANDEMIC FEARS
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HILLARY CLINTON OVERHEARD ON D.C. PAYPHONE CONFERENCING WITH HER 2012 EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE
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HACKERS CRACK 'SECURE' OBAMA BLACKBERRY, FIND 'THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO FOR DUMMIES' eBOOK
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JUSTICE DEPT DENIES OBAMA REQUEST TO LABEL FOX NEWS CRITICISM AS 'TORTURE'
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CRAIGSLIST MOVES TO PURGE SITE OF FRAUDULENT LISTINGS, SERIAL KILLERS
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OBAMA ASKS CABINET TO HELP OFFSET $11 TRILLION DEFICIT BY USING 'ONE, OR LESS, SQUARE OF TOILET PAPER'
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BARNEY FRANK FLIES WEST TO ANSWER SCREECHING PEREZ HILTON MATING CALL
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OBAMA DECLARES END TO WAR ON OVERSEAS MAN-MADE ACCIDENTAL CATASTROPHES
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OBAMA ON CHAVEZ-GIFTED ANTI-U.S. BOOK: 'I LAUGHED, I CRIED, IT WAS LIKE I WROTE IT MYSELF'
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WHITE HOUSE ASKS UNIVERSITY TO UNCOVER 'WE WORSHIP THIS MAN' ENGRAVING ON OBAMA LECTURN
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NAPOLITANO ISSUES NEW WARNING AGAINST 'RIGHT-WING PIRATES TRYING TO HIJACK THE PRESIDENT'S AGENDA'
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OBAMA BREAKS ANOTHER CAMPAIGN PROMISE, BE-FRIENDS HUGO CHAVEZ ON FACEBOOK
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HOMELAND SECURITY ON ALERT AS RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST TERROR CELLS MEET, PLOT IN CHURCHES ACROSS COUNTRY
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MADDEN: 'RETIREMENT IS ABOUT NOT WORKING ANYMORE, SO WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS NOT WORK'
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NAPOLITANO APOLOGIZES FOR 'INAPPROPRIATE AND OUT OF LINE' RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST REPORT, AGREES TO LEFT-JUSTIFY SECTION HEADERS, CHANGE FONT
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JENEANE GARAFOLO: RACIST 'HEROES' FANS HATE '24' FOR INCLUDING NON-VILLIAN BLACKS
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TERRORIST 'PSYCHOLOGICALLY BATTERED' AFTER BABY BUTTERLY TORTURE HORROR
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ANDERSON COOPER ON BEING BEAT IN RATINGS BY RACHEL MADDOW: 'I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M LOSING TO THIS GUY'
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RECESSION REACHES GOOGLE; TECH GIANT TO MOW EMPLOYEE PUTTING GREEN ONLY TWICE A DAY
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EMBARASSED TREASURY DEPT. RECALLS TAX EVASION INVESTIGATORS FROM MICHAEL SCOTT PAPER CO.
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BARNEY FRANK CHASTISES MSNBC ANCHORS FOR 'TAKING TEABAGGING'S NAME IN VAIN'
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OBAMA: 'I WAS HAPPY TO HEAR FROM MY HANDLERS THAT THERE'S BEEN TEA PARTY CELEBRATIONS ACROSS THE COUNTRY ON THIS GREAT DAY'
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HOMELAND SECURITY: EXTREMIST RIGHT WING TERRORISTS HOST TEA PARTIES TO PROTEST 'INVESTING IN AMERICA'
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KEITH OLBERMANN SAYS FIRST PRIVATE MEETING WITH OBAMA WAS 'INCREDIBLE'; WILL KEEP BABY
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CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS FOR OCTOMOM'S CROWD OF KIDS MAY BANKRUPT TAXPAYERS WITH ANY MONEY LEFT
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RIGHT WING EXTREMISTS STOCKING SHINGLE-ROOFED BUNKERS WITH BIBLES, AMERICAN FLAGS AND 'PALIN 2012' STICKERS
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GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY STUDENTS APPLAUD ERROR-FREE SPEECH READ BY OBAMA
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OBAMA: IT MAKES SENSE TO LIFT CUBA RESTRICTIONS 'AS OUR TWO GOVERNMENTS ARE GROWING MORE SIMILAR EACH DAY'
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SHIP CAPTAIN FREE AFTER PIRATE HEADS INTERRUPT FLIGHT OF SNIPER BULLETS
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OBAMA STICKS TO 'LET'S WAIT AND DO NOTHING' RESPONSE TO PIRATE CRISIS
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MASSACHUSETTS THREATENS TO LAUNCH INTERSTATE BALLISTIC MISSLE THAT CAN REACH THE U.S.
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WHITE HOUSE: NO BOW TO SAUDI KING; OBAMA WAS READING FLOOR-MOUNTED TELEPROMPTER
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BENNY HINN ADJUSTS CASTRO DEATH PROPHECY, SAYS WILL BE 'SOMETIME IN THE NEXT FEW DECADES'
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WHITE HOUSE DENIES BOW TO SAUDI KING WAS RESULT OF OBAMA MISTAKING HIM FOR BIN LADEN
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OBAMA ACCEPTS FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST FROM AHMADINEJAD, IGNITES FIERY STATE DEPT STANDING OVATION
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U.N. ISSUES STERN CONDEMNATION OF ISRAEL IN WAKE OF NORTH KOREAN ROCKET LAUNCH
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TREASURY SECRETARY GEITHNER SETS SIGHTS ON 'OVER-COMPENSATED' QUICKIE MART MANAGERS
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CZECH POLICE: 'FRENZIED CROWD OF FROTHING DEMONSTRATORS' TURNED OUT TO BE NBC JOURNALISTS WAITING TO GLIMPSE MICHELLE OBAMA
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WORLD BACK AT EASE AS LAUNCH OF NORTH KOREAN ROCKET DEVESTATES LAUNCH PLATFORM, NEARBY FIELD
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NBC REPORTER CLAIMS 'UNBIASED JOURNALISM' DESPITE OBAMA LOGO NECK TATTOO
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BRITISH PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN THROWS PANTIES ONTO STAGE DURING OBAMA SPEECH
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PROPOSED BEER TAX HAS NATION'S DRINKERS ORGANIZING PROTESTS, RETURNING TO COUCH, PONG, OR FAVORITE DRINKING CHAIR
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CHAOTIC LONDON STREETS BLOCKADED AS QUEEN ELIZABETH VISITS BEST BUY TO EXCHANGE IPOD FOR IPOD TOUCH
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AS G20 SPEECH NEARS, OBAMA ORDERS TELEPROMPTER CARRIER INTO ENGLISH CHANNEL 'JUST IN CASE'
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OBAMA AT G20 SUMMIT IN EUROPE, REFERS TO 'AMERICA'S ARROGANTLY PAVED STREETS'
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TELEPROMPTER OUTAGE THREATENS U.S. PRESIDENT'S CONTINUED PARTICIPATION IN G20 SUMMIT
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CONFLICKER APRIL FOOLS VIRUS DELETES ALL BUDGET FILES FROM WHITE HOUSE COMPUTERS, U.S. ECONOMY SAVED
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JANET NAPOLITANO SWAPS 'WAR ON TERROR' WITH 'WAR ON OTHERWISE WELL-INTENTIONED FREEDOM FIGHTERS'
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FEDERAL GOV TO GUARANTEE AUTO WARRANTIES AND PROVIDE 720-HOUR 'WHILE-YOU-WAIT' OIL CHANGES
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HOSPITAL STAFF UNPLUG PATIENTS' LIFE SUPPORT MACHINERY FOR EARTH HOUR; 26 DEAD
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OBAMA DEMANDS GM CEO'S AND D.C. BURGER KING REGISTER GIRL'S RESIGNATIONS
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BARACK OBAMA MAKES SIXTH APPEARANCE ON COVER OF 'BETTER HOMES & GARDENS'
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PEACE PROTESTERS VOW TO 'RAIN HELLFIRE, DEATH AND DESTRUCTION' ON G20 SUMMIT
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CNN TANKS IN RATINGS, BEGS VIEWERSHIP LOYALTY FROM REMAINING FAMILY MEMBERS
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ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE ATTACK ON U.S. THREATENS CONTINUITY OF FUNNY SATIRE HEADLINES
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INCREASING VOLUMES OF SPAM CROWDING OUT LEGITIMATE NIGERIAN GET-RICH-QUICK OFFERS
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SURI CRUISE REACHES SCIENTOLOGY'S LEVEL 3, WILL LEARN ABOUT ALIEN WARLOCK XENU SOON
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FOX NEWS REPORTER: I DITCHED ASSIGNED QUESTION ABOUT OBAMA'S PUPPY CHOICE
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U.S. FOLLOWS GOOGLE, LAUNCHES 5 HR 'OOPS' BUTTON FOR CONGRESSIONAL LEGISLATION
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REPORTERS CAUGHT TRADING ASSIGNED QUESTIONS PRIOR TO OBAMA PRESS CONFERENCE
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LIBERAL GROUPS PUSH TO REVERSE WATERBOARDING BAN FOR AIG BONUS RECIPIENTS
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OBAMA DOWNLOADS TELEPROMPTER APP FOR MOBILE PHONE THAT'LL BE SITTING ON PRESSER PODIUM TONIGHT
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APPROXIMATELY 23.5 HOURS UNTIL THE LAUNCH OF THE NEW PREVENTTRUTHDECAY.COM. APPROXIMATELY I SAY.
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BANKS GROUP TOGETHER TO COUNTER-PROPOSE TOXIC GOVERNMENT BAILOUT PLAN
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GEITHNER SETS STAGE FOR STOCK MARKET DROP BY SCHEDULING SPEECH WITH LIVE MIC
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OBAMA SKIPS CABINET MEETING FOR BOWLING COACH'S PROMISE TO HELP IMPROVE SCORE
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ECONOMIC STRUGGLES FORCE U.S. POOR TO GIVE UP CELL PHONES, SECOND VEHICLES
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IRANIAN PRESIDENT REMAINS COMMITTED TO NUKE PLANS, SAYS OBAMA'S WORDS, GREETING CARDS, PHONE CALLS, AND GIFTS ARE 'INSUFFICIENT'
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TENS OF THOUSANDS FLOCK TO PAY HOMAGE TO IMAGE OF OBAMA ON OIL-SLICKED BRICK WALL IN PERU
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EMPLOYEES ASKED TO RETURN $50 BURGER KING BONUSES AS AIG OUTRAGE SPREADS
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