Daily conservative political satire news compiled with an innocent - and almost unrecognizable, anti-liberal bias. Basically, the funny side of horribly depressing news.
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CNN: 'ALLAHU AKBAR'-SCREAMING NIDAL MALIK HASSAN WAS MOST LIKELY MEMBER OF WHITE SUPREMECIST GROUP
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IRAN'S PEACEFUL NUCLEAR ENERGY PROJECT NOW IN 'ADVANCED WARHEAD DESIGN' PHASE
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EUPHORIA OVER GOP WINS GIVES WAY TO REALIZATION THAT OBAMA STILL PRESIDENT
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OBAMA VOTES 'PRESENT' DURING PHONE CONFERENCE WITH GENERAL ON AFGHAN TROOP LEVELS
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WAL-MART RESPONDS TO HEALTHCARE REFORM BY OFFERING CASKETS ON WEBSITE
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GIBBS: ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS SESSION FINALLY SCHEDULED TO DETERMINE AFGHAN STRATEGY DECISION
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ROCKETS RAIN ON NORTHERN ISRAEL; OBAMA CALLS HEZBOLLAH ROCKET CREW TO BEER SUMMIT
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REPORT: INADEQUATE PROVISIONS IN HEALTHCARE BILL FOR EXPLOSION OF .99 CENT BURGER DEALS
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MICROSOFT SCRAMBLES TO ROLL OUT WINDOWS 8 IN RESPONSE TO WINDOWS 7 BUGS
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FREAKED-OUT TEEN RELIEVED TO DISCOVER THAT SAW CHARACTER IN ROOM WAS ONLY RECENTLY-PURCHASED SAW CHARACTER MASK
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FLOUNDERING T-MOBILE CLAIMS 'NEED TO MAKE A PHONE CALL? THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT' IN NEW AD
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MIKE TYSON SCRAPS COMEBACK PLANS AFTER WATCHING REVEALING MIKE TYSON DOCUMENTARY
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SUSPENSION LIFTED OVER CUB SCOUT SPORK; STUBBORN SCHOOL BOARD SAYS 'FINE, WE'LL ALLOW GUNS IN THE SCHOOL'
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PALESTINIANS, ISRAELIS TO SETTLE DIFFERENCES IN WII TENNIS TOURNAMENT
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WITH TOILET PAPER FUNDING DRIED UP, CINDY SHEEHAN RETIRES FROM CRAWFORD PROTEST
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NASA'S ATTEMPT TO BLOW MOON UP FAILS TO DIVERT ATTENTION FROM UNDESERVED NOBEL PRIZE
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OBAMA LANDS NOBEL PRIZE FOR SUPPORT OF IRAN'S PEACEFUL NUCLEAR ENERGY EFFORTS
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BRAZIL CLEARS 10,000 ACRES OF RAIN FOREST FOR NEW GREEN OLYMPIC VENUE
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NETWORKS VYING FOR INEVITABLE JON GOSSELIN-JOEY BUTTAFUOCO PAY-PER-VIEW BOXING MATCH
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OLYMPIC COMMITTEE BEING FITTED FOR CONCRETE SHOES AFTER DISSING CHICAGO
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RAPPER'S BENTLEY SUCKS LAST BIT OF CASH OUT OF OVER-LEVERAGED EXISTENCE
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OBAMA ORDERS INVESTIGATIONS INTO KENNEDY ASSASSINATION, CHENEY SHOOTING AFTER GADHAFI SUGGESTION
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OSAMA BIN LADEN'S BOOK CLUB NOW FEATURES ONE MADDOW, TWO CARTER TOMES
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OBAMA CALLS FOR INVESTIGATION OF TAXPAYER-FUNDED ACORN CRITICS IN CONGRESS
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JOHN EDWARDS MEETS WITH ADVISERS TO PLOT BASTARD CHILD REVELATION STRATEGY
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OBAMA: RECESSION EBBING, BUT AMERICANS SHOULD STILL PREPARE FOR JOB LOSS, BANKRUPTCY, FORECLOSURE
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CNN: FBI ARRESTS UNDOUBTEDEBLY INNOCENT ARAB-LOOKING GUY IN TERROR PROBE
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OBAMA SNUBS FOX NEWS INTERVIEW FOR TALK WITH PRAVDA, GRANMA, AND CHINA'S STATE 'NEWS'
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DICK GEPHARDT: BUSH 'EVEN MORE OF A MISERABLE FAILURE' FOR NOT REIGNING IN DISRESPECTFUL JOE WILSON
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OBAMA'S POLLS APPROACH KANYE WEST'S LIKEABILITY RATING AMONG TAYLOR SWIFT FANS
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CNN ESTIMATES D.C. PROTEST CROWD AT 'PROBABLY A THOUSAND TO MAYBE MILLIONS OR WHATEVER'
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OBAMA UNLEASHED: IF HEALTHCARE NOT PASSED, 'BILLIONS WILL DIE, WORLD WILL END'
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CNN: HYSTERICAL REPORT ON POTOMAC BOAT ATTACK WAS ONLY 'NEWS TRAINING INCIDENT'
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NANCY KERRIGAN IGNORES THIRD FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST FROM TONYA HARDING
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PRESIDENT OBAMA INTERRUPTS JOE WILSON'S 'YOU LIE' SPEECH WITH JOINT SESSION OF CONGRESS
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MICHELLE OBAMA EASILY WINS ARGUMENT AGAINST SPEECHLESS HUSBAND AS TELEPROMPTER PREPARES FOR TONIGHT'S SPEECH ON CAPITOL HILL
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'PANHANDLING TRAINING' IN THIRD STIMULUS BILL PROMPTS CONCERN, APPLAUSE
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SECURITY TIGHT AT MJ'S FORREST LAWN BURIAL; MEDIA PUSHED BACK TO ARIZONA
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REPORT: OBAMA POLL NUMBERS INDICATE CLIMATE CHANGE MORE WIDESPREAD THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
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INDIA ENDS PLAN TO COLONIZE MARS AFTER WICK ON WOODEN ROCKET FAILS TO IGNITE
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BILL O'REILLY AND BARNEY FRANK CANCEL CAMPING TRIP TOGETHER DUE TO ASTRONOMICALLY HIGH LEVEL OF EXTREME MUTUAL HATRED
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POLITICIANS TO BE PROTECTED FROM NAZI PROTESTERS WITH NEW 'TOWN HALLS BY TEXT MESSAGING' FORMAT
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OBAMA ASKS CLINTON TO EXPLAIN 'HILLARY 2012' BUMPER STICKERS SPILLING FROM HER BRIEF CASE
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Y.E. YANG WINS KLCI 106.1 FM RADIO CONTEST FOR SPOT AT PGA CHAMPIONSHIP, BEATS TIGER
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WEATHER CHANNEL PLANS HOUR-LONG 'ANA: THE STORM THAT MAY OR MAY NOT ANNIHILATE FLORIDA AND KILL MANY'
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MICHAEL VICK APOLOGIZES FOR FREUDIAN 'I'LL KILL YOU DOG' SMACK-TALK TO OPPOSING TEAM MEMBER
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40 YEARS AFTER WOODSTOCK, ATTENDEES STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER MUSIC FESTIVAL
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REPORT: 7 OF 10 CARS CURRENTLY ON SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA HIGHWAYS ARE BEING CHASED BY COPS
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GOP PAYS RECORD SALARY, BENEFITS, AND 401K TO TOWN HALL RABBLE-ROUSER
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NAZI MOBSTERS BRUTALLY ATTACK CONGRESSMAN WITH VISCIOUS REQUEST TO RECONSIDER HEALTHCARE VOTE
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PELOSI: RADICAL UN-AMERICAN TERRORISTS ARE ATTEMPTING TO QUESTION CONGRESS IN TOWN HALLS
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WHITE HOUSE REVISES OUTLOOK: ECONOMY 'NOT NEARLY AS GOOD AS OUR WORST-CASE SCENARIOS'
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CELEBS STOCKPILE 'PICK-ME-UPS' AND 'TAKE-ME-DOWNS' IN ADVANCE OF MJ AUTOPSY RESULTS
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WHITE HOUSE: PROTESTS AGAINST HEALTHCARE BILL PROVES 'JUST HOW MANY SICK PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE'
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RUSSIAN SUBS LURKING IN NYC SEWER SYSTEM 'TOOK WRONG TURN' DURING ATLANTIC TRAINING EXCERCISE
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KIM JONG IL ADVISORS WARN OF PUBLIC BACKLASH AFTER 'ASSOCIATING WITH THE LIKES OF BILL CLINTON'
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OBAMA DEFENDS 'SPENDING MONEY TO SAVE MONEY', CITES PONZI, MADOFF, BOOKIE BEHIND 7-11 DUMPSTER
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JON & KATE BEER SUMMIT ENDS IN SCREAM CONTEST, BROKEN BOTTLES AND A BLACK EYE
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WHITE HOUSE DENIES THAT 'CASH FOR WORTLESS JALOPIES' PROGRAM IS DEFUNCT
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HILLARY CLINTON MAINTAINS PROSPECT OF RUNNING AGAINST OBAMA CONTINUES TO BE SOMETHING SHE'LL CACKLE ABOUT
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THOUSANDS OF RECORD LOW JULY TEMPS SPARK AL GORE'S GLOBAL WARMING FEARS AGAIN SOMEHOW
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IDI AMIN’S GENOCIDE RE-POSITIONED IN HISTORY AS ‘TEACHABLE MOMENT’
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GOV: 'PROJECT 666' NAME FOR NATIONAL ID CHIP PROGRAM A 'MERE COINCIDENCE'
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DEVALUED U.S. DOLLAR NOW ONLY WORTH SEVEN WHEELBARRELS OF IRAQI DINARS
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SLEEPLESS SPACE SHUTTLE CREW WISHES THEY HADN'T STAYED UP LATE WATCHING ALIEN
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ALEC BALDWIN, CARROT TOP, GALLAGHER CONSIDER FOLLOWING FRANKEN INTO SENATE
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SOTOMAYOR CORRECTS CRITICS: 'I KNOW YOU KNOW YOU BELIEVE AND UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU AND I BELIEVE I SAID'
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COMMITTEE THAT GAVE GORE CLIMATE CHANGE PRIZE GRANTS MADOFF NOBEL PRIZE FOR FINANCE
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CNN: JAKARTA TERROR ATTACK 'MOST LIKELY CARRIED OUT BY TIMOTHY McVEIGH TYPES'
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REPORT: LEGALIZING POT WILL INCREASE TAX REVENUES, BEN & JERRY'S ICE CREAM SALES
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JOE JACKSON SETS UP WEBSITE, ASKS L.A. TAXPAYERS TO HELP WITH NEW RECORD COMPANY COSTS
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DEMS SLIP SOCIAL SECURITY, WELFARE, AND NATIONAL DEFENSE REFORM INTO HEALTHCARE BILL
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BIDEN DOWNPLAYS EXPECTATIONS FOR STIMULUS: SAYS 'WE'LL MOST LIKELY ALL BE DEAD SOON'
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AT CONFIRMATION HEARINGS, SEN. FRANKEN CIRCLING SOTOMAYOR ON MINI CLOWN BIKE
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DEMS GRILL SOTOMAYOR OVER ICE CREAM FLAVOR PREFERENCE, PERFUME CHOICE
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WHITE HOUSE: OBAMA WASN'T RUBBER-NECKING AT TEEN'S BACKSIDE; WAS BOWING TO NEARBY SAUDI KING
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BUSY JESSE JACKSON SENDS CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF SELF TO INCITE RACIAL UNREST IN PHILLY
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HEALTHCARE BILL INCLUDES BILLIONS FOR VINTAGE BIG WHEELS, RAINBOW-COLORED PROPELLER HATS
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NBC JOURNALIST: IT WAS 'BITTERSWEET' TO FINALLY WASH HAND OBAMA SHOOK LAST YEAR
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SHOCK: TALK OF 'NEW STIMULUS' IS THIRD; CONGRESS PASSED SECOND STIMULUS DURING MJ MEMORIAL
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CNN ATTACKS MICHELLE OBAMA FOR 'NOT SHOWING MORE OF THOSE HEAVENLY ARMS'
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JOE JACKSON ASKS TO COMBINE MICHAEL JACKSON EULOGY WITH NEW RECORD COMPANY IPO INFO
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MJ FUNERAL MOTORCADE PULLS OVER TO SPANK BICKERING AL SHARPTON AND JESSE JACKSON
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DAVID HASSELHOFF'S REQUEST TO PERFORM 'HIT SONG' AT JACKSON MEMORIAL DENIED
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OBAMA OFFERS PUTIN SCALPED TICKET TO JACKSON MEMORIAL IN EXCHANGE FOR FRIENDSHIP
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MSNBC: FBI FAILS TO FIND FBI CORRUPTION CHARGES LEVIED AGAINST SCANDALOUS SARAH PALIN
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STATESMAN AL FRANKEN MANAGES TO CONTAIN HILARIOUS BUSH-THE-IRAQI-BABY-KILLER JOKE HE WROTE
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LEAK: OBAMA MAY SEIZE MORE INDUSTRIES WHILE NATION DISTRACTED BY MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL
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NORTH KOREA: WITH JUST ONE MORE ROLL OF DUCT TAPE, SOME TWINE AND A BIC LIGHTER, WOODEN ROCKET WILL ANNIHILATE U.S.
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LIQUID NAILS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD WOODEN NORTH KOREAN ROCKET TOGETHER; LAUNCH SCRUBBED
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FOX NEWS' CARL CAMERON: SELFISH PALIN ATTEMPTING TO MONOPOLIZE NEWS CYCLE
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SARAH PALIN VACATING GOVERNOR'S POST TO ATTEND TO WHATEVER EVERYONE'S SPECULATING ABOUT
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COLIN POWELL EXPRESSES 'A CERTAIN DEGREE OF NUANCED CONCERN' OVER OBAMA AGENDA
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JOE JACKSON OFFERING MICHAEL JACKSON AUTOPSY PHOTOS IN EXCHANGE FOR INTEREST IN STUPID NEW RECORD COMPANY
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WHITE HOUSE SAYS OBAMA TOWN HALL QUESTION TO AUDIENCE MEMBER RAHM EMANUEL NOT STAGED
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JESSE JACKSON, AL SHARPTON MUD WRESTLE OVER MICHAEL JACKSON FUNERAL MOTORCADE POLE POSITION
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CONSTRUCTION CREWS GETTING MICHAEL JACKSON READY FOR PUBLIC VIEWING AT NEVERLAND
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APOLLO THEATER HOSTS AL SHARPTON'S MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL TRIBUTE STARRING AL SHARPTON
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INVESTIGATION REVEALS WHINING GOP HAD 'MORE THAN TEN MINUTES' TO READ SHORT 300 PAGE GREEN TAX BILL ON iPHONE KINDLE APPS
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HOLLYWOOD ASKS OBAMA TO APPOINT 'A CZAR OF SOME SORT' TO PREVENT MORE CELEB DEATHS
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ENERGY TAX BILL SLIPPED THROUGH HOUSE WHILE CONCERNED AMERICANS BREATHLESSLY AWAIT JACKO TOX RESULTS
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NORTH KOREA USES MICHAEL JACKSON DIVERSION AS OPPORTUNITY TO ANNIHILATE HAWAII
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MARK SANFORD PROMISES TO WEAR MONITORING BRACELET IF HE'S ALLOWED TO STILL BE GOVERNOR
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RACY 'THREESOME' EMAILS REVEALED BETWEEN CHRIS MATTHEWS, KEITH OLBERMANN, AND OBAMA
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OBAMA RESCINDS IRANIAN DIPLOMATS' INVITE TO SPECIAL OLYMPICS BOWL-A-THON AT WHITE HOUSE
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OBAMA MOVES JOURNALISTS FROM ROSE GARDEN TO 'MORE FAMILIAR' WHITE HOUSE JACUZZI FOR PRESSER
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'JON & KATE PLUS 8'-OBSESSED HAWAIIANS 'DON'T HAVE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT' PENDING NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION
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NORTH KOREA DELAYS NUKE ATTACK ON HAWAII; CITES NEED FOR SPOOL OF TWINE, BIC LIGHTER
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ARROGANT CHRIS BROWN REFUSES TO PLEAD 'NOT A MAN, GUILTY OF BEING A TOTAL ASS'
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HONOLULU LOCAL POLICE ASK WHITE HOUSE FOR PERMISSION TO ANNIHILATE NORTH KOREA
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TIGER WOODS BUYS COMPANIES EMPLOYING DRUNKEN U.S. OPEN HECKLERS, FIRES THEM
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MOON ROVER EXPECTED TO DELIVER PHOTOSHOPPED PROOF OF U.S. MOON LANDINGS
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OBAMA CAUTIONS U.S. NAVY AGAINST 'MEDDLING IN NORTH KOREA'S NUCLEAR EFFORTS'
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AYATOLLAH KHAMENEI CALLS IRANIAN ELECTION 'DEFINITIVE VICTORY', SAYS PERSONALLY COUNTED VOTES BEFORE SPEECH
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MICHAEL MOORE HIJACKED BY SOMALI PIRATES, SAILED TO DEEP WATER BERTH AFTER RANSOM DEMAND
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WAL-MART CREATING ITS OWN CIVILIAN DEFENSE FORCE ON NATIONALIZATION FEARS
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IRANIAN MULLAHS THREATEN TO 'UNPLUG EVERY ELECTRIC INTERNET MACHINE AND TWITTER BOX'
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SPRAWLING ADDITION TO ROBERT GIBBS' OFFICE TO HOUSE NY TIMES EDITORIAL STAFF
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CARTER NARROWLY ESCAPES ROADSIDE BEARHUG EMBRACE FROM HAMAS MILITANTS
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AMERICANS DISTRACTED FROM SLIDE INTO OBLIVION BY NEW MICHELLE OBAMA DRESS
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AHMADINEJAD AGREES TO PERSONALLY RECOUNT VOTES IN CONTESTED IRANIAN ELECTION
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WHITE HOUSE: IRAN, NORTH KOREA WILL JOIN U.S. IN 'AXIS OF EVOLVING CONCERNS'
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FANS CELEBRATE LAKERS' CHAMPIONSHIP BY BURNING DOWN, BOMBING, LOOTING L.A.
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WHITE HOUSE: IF U.S. LEVELS PYONYANG DURING SEC. CLINTON'S TRIP THERE, IT WILL BE AN INNOCENT ERROR
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TEHRAN SHOPS BURN AS FURIOUS IRANIANS PROTEST PRO-KOBE REF CONSPIRACY IN NBA FINALS
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FORMER U.S. PEANUT FARMER JIMMY CARTER CERTIFIES AHMADINEJAD 'WIN' IN IRANIAN ELECTION
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FIJI INSISTS ITS NUCLEAR RESEARCH EFFORTS ARE STRICTLY FOR WORLD DOMINATION
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WHO DECLARES PANDEMIC, SAYS NO REASON FOR CONCERN OVER 'DEATH AND DESTRUCTION THAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY FOLLOW'
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STRUGGLING BOSTON GLOBE TO PAY EMPLOYEES IN FREE BOSTON GLOBE SUBSCRIPTIONS
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LACKLUSTER OPENING EXPECTED FOR DOW ON FEARS THAT DOW MAY HAVE DOWN DAY
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EXPERT: PARACHUTE PANTS COMEBACK MAY REINVIGORATE ECONOMY, PULL U.S. OUT OF RECESSION
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WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY GIBBS REPLACED BY 'MORE COMPETENT' RANDY FROM 'MY NAME IS EARL'
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ALL TIES, BELTS, ROPES REMOVED FROM 'DEPRESSED' ORLANDO AFTER GAME 2 LOSS IN NBA FINALS
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NEW QUICK-WEIGHT-LOSS DIET ALLOWS CELEBS TO GAIN HUNDREDS, MAKE QUICKER COMEBACKS
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LOTTERY WINNER DESTITUTE AFTER $10 MILLION JACKPOT, 'CRAZY' NIGHT AT STRIP CLUB
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WHITE HOUSE BUTLERS RELIEVED ARAB WORLD DECLINES OBAMA'S INVITATION TO WATCH NBA FINALS AT WHITE HOUSE
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OBAMA APOLOGIZES TO ARABS FOR 'THOSE REDNECKS WHO WHINED' ABOUT SAUDI BOW
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OBAMA TO CHAVEZ: PLEASE STOP 'LIKE'-ING EVERY ONE OF MY FACEBOOK STATUSES
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SURI CRUISE ABANDONS SCIENTOLOGY AFTER LEARNING OF FREAKY ALIEN WARLORD GOD
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ASHTON KUTCHER TAKES TOP SPOT IN PEOPLE'S '25 MOST ELIGIBLE MARRIED MEN'
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GIBBS: ADDRESSING WHITE HOUSE PRESS POOL AS 'FRIENDS, ALLIES AND CO-WORKERS' WAS 'A POOR CHOICE OF WORDS'
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PHIL SPECTOR STILL SURPRISED 'I COULDN'T HAVE KILLED HER - I WAS GOING TO GET MY GUN' DEFENSE DIDN'T WORK
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WITH NATION DISTRACTED BY NBA PLAYOFFS, OBAMA SWAPS OUT VICE PRESIDENTS
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SUSAN BOYLE MAINTAINS THANKFULNESS FOR FAME IN INTERVIEW FROM INSANE ASYLUM
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CASH-STRAPPED JAPAN ERECTS CHAIN LINK FENCE TO PROTECT AGAINST NORTH KOREAN MISSILE ATTACK
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BANKRUPTCY LOOMS FOR LOCAL AUTO DEALERSHIP DESPITE STD RESEARCH FUNDING IN STIMULUS PACKAGE
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MILLIONS OF IDIOTS NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF '$10K A MONTH FROM YOUR COUCH' OFFERS
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U.N. THREATENS NORTH KOREA WITH 'A CERTAIN DEGREE OF FRIENDLY CONCERN' IF NUKE EFFORTS CONTINUE
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ANTI-HISPANIC REPUBLICAN QUESTIONS SOTOMAYOR'S REVERSE DISCRIMINATION OPINION
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OBAMA NOMINATES SONIA SOTOMAYOR'S HISPANIC ETHNICITY TO U.S. SUPREME COURT
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U.N. ISSUES STERN CONDEMNATION OF ISRAEL IN WAKE OF SECOND NORTH KOREAN ROCKET LAUNCH
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PRESIDENT OBAMA CELEBRATES MEMORIAL DAY WITH BEST-OF-ROUND QUADRUPLE BOGIE ON 16
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OBAMA PRAISES 'THOSE FIGHTING IN THE MIDDLE EAST', THANKS U.S. TROOPS TOO
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PELOSI: 'THIS SILLY CIA STUFF' IS DISTRACTING AMERICANS FROM BRISTOL PALIN, RUSH LIMBAUGH'S DESIRE FOR OBAMA TO FAIL
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ADVISORS TALK OBAMA OUT OF NATIONALIZING THE NATION'S LEMONADE STANDS
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LAWMAKERS GIVEN 600-PAGE CLIFF NOTES FOR CLIMATE BILL, 15 MINUTES TO READ
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CHENEY-OBAMA 'BATTLE OF THE SPEECHES' PAY-PER-VIEW NUMBERS SET RECORD
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IDIOTS STILL GETTING INTEREST-ONLY MORTGAGES CONTRIBUTING TO 2021 DEPRESSION
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NIGERIAN EMAIL SCAMMERS LEAPFROG OVER NANCY PELOSI ON PEOPLE'S '1,000 PEOPLE WE LIKE' LIST
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RACHEL MADDOW NIXED FROM TOP COURT VACANCY SHORT LIST; OBAMA SAYS 'THAT GUY IS TOO CONSERVATIVE'
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#tcot ... Thank you for following the best in Conservative-flavored satire on the web!
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SECRET NSA GADGET REVEALS: ROSWELL DETAILS AND EXISTENCE OF SECRET NSA GADGET TO BE OUTED IN FUTURE BIDEN GAFFE
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WORLD HEALTH ORG RAISES STRESS ALERT TO ALL-TIME HIGH FOR CELTICS FANS
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CONTROVERSY ESCALATES AFTER OBAMA SUGGESTS MOVING GUANTANAMO DETAINEES TO NOTRE DAME
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ASTRONAUTS IN SPACEWALK TO TACKLE SPACE SHUTTLE OIL AND TIMING BELT CHANGES
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WHITE HOUSE EMPLOYS OXYCLEAN GUY TO PEDDLE HEALTHCARE REFORM TO IDIOT MASSES
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BURGER KING SALES INCREASE DESPITE HORRIFYING PLASTIC-FACED BURGER KING
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POLL: 87% OF REMAINING NY TIMES READERS THINK 'THE MIDWEST' IS FOREIGN COUNTRY
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CRAZY PELOSI ACCUSES CIA OF LYING, CHALLENGES MIKE TYSON TO ALLEYWAY FIST FIGHT
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118 YR OLD McCAIN MOTHER REPLACES 16 YR OLD McCAIN DAUGHTER AS DE FACTO GOP HEAD
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KANYE WEST ENRAGED AT BEING SPOOFED ON TWITTER, SAYS 'HEADS OF TWITTER HATE BLACK PEOPLE'
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NO RELEASE OF DETAINEE PHOTOS; OBAMA SAYS 'IT'S ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THEY EXIST, AND THAT WE'RE HORRIBLE'
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SALE OF PICKETT COUNTY, TENNESSEE'S 16 ANDOVER DR. HINTS AT NATION-WIDE HOUSING BUBBLE COMEBACK
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OBAMA HANDLERS TO WEAN PRESIDENT FROM TELEPROMPTER, GIVE IT TO HIM 'ONLY AT NIGHTTIME'
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ROBERT GIBBS STUMBLES WHEN ASKED WHO THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY IS
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ARAB STREET ENRAGED AFTER MISS SAUDI ARABIA 'SEMI NUDE' REVEALS UPPER CHEEKBONE, 'WAY TOO MUCH FOREHEAD'
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OVAL OFFICE FIST BUMP CLAIMED TO BE WHITE HOUSE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER
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TREKKIES RISK EXTENDING BACHELORHOOD WITH FRENZIED PILGRIMAGE TO NEW STAR TREK FLICK
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INVESTORS RELIEVED THAT BANKS ONLY NEED 'BILLIONS AND BILLIONS MORE' TO SURVIVE; DOW SOARS
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OBAMA CLAIMS 'NOT PHOTOSHOPPED' STAMP PROVES LEGITIMACY OF HIS THREE BIRTH CERTIFICATES
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ELIZABETH EDWARDS: 'JOHN SAID THE MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY TO DETERMINE PATERNITY WILL BE AVAILABLE SOME DAY'
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TAXPAYERS SHOULDER OBAMA'S $650K AIRFORCE ONE FLIGHT TO LOCAL DC BURGER JOINT
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AMERICAN COUCH POTATOES SEEM SOMEWHAT EXCITED TO BE FINALLY GETTING 'THEIR FAIR SHARE'
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LESS HOT, MORE POLITICALLY-CORRECT CONTESTANT WINS ANOTHER BEAUTY PAGEANT
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