SUPREME COURT REVERSES ABU MOSAB AL-ZARQAWI ASSASSINATION

MEDIA ORGASMS OVER RUSH LIMBAUGH VIAGRA STORY

JIMMY CARTER RUSHES TO NORTH KOREA TO ASSIST WITH NUKE TEST

COLD BOX OFFICE SALES FOR GORE MOVIE REVERSES GLOBAL WARMING

CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS FROM NATIONAL ARCHIVES FOUND IN ZARQAWI'S SOCKS

WHITNEY HOUSTON CELEBRATES 10TH BEATING -FREE DAY WITH CRACK PARTY

HIGHEST SOCCER SCORE EVER RECORDED IN ITALY'S 1-0 VICTORY OVER FRANCE IN WORLD CUP MATCH

ROVE GETS OFF ON 'LACK OF WRONGDOING' TECHNICALITY

POLL: MOST AMERICANS DON'T KNOW IF WORLD CUP INVOLVES SOCCER, HOCKEY, OR BOTH

BUSH CELEBRATES EARLY JULY 4 WITH TROOPS AND GIANT FAKE HAMBURGER PHOTO OP

NSA OVERWHELMED BY 'MINDLESS BANTER AND GOSSIPY CHATTER'

GORE: 'STRENGTHENING HURRICANE ALBERTO PROVES I'M NOT A TOTAL WHACKO'

U.S. MILITARY SUPPOSEDLY IDENTIFIES BODY OF AL-ZARQAWI AS 'NOT A LATEX BODY DOUBLE'

ZARQAWI REJECTED BY HEAVENLY VIRGINS DUE TO 'DISGUSTING FACIAL WOUNDS'

ZARQAWI DEATH LEAVES DEMOCRATIC PARTY WITH 'ONE LESS SUPPORTER'

BATWOMAN RETURNS AS A MALE