REPORT: SEN. CLINTON WALKS FINE LINE BETWEEN OPPOSING AMERICA AND WANTING TO BE ITS PRESIDENTRESS

NEW IPOD TO HOLD UP TO ONE TRILLION SONGS, DEPENDING ON FILE SIZE

BUSH: 'VICTORY WILL COME WHEN IRAQ IS NO LONGER A SAFE HAVEN FOR IBERAL DEMOCRATS PLOTTING ATTACKS ON OUR NATION'

HOLIDAY RETAIL REPORT: POPULAR G.I. JOE DOLLS LOSING GROUND TO XBOX'S SOFT PORN VIDEO 'GAME' TITLES

AL FRANKEN COMEDY GIG CANCELED DESPITE HILARIOUS 'BUSH THE BABY LLER' BIT

SCIENTIST CONFIRMS: LARRY KING STILL ALIVE

LIBERALS ARMOR-UP FOR BATTLES OVER 'OFFENSIVE CHRISTMAS SLANT' ON HOLIDAY SEASON

FLAVOR FLAV FAN CLUB RETRACTS BANKRUPTCY APPLICATION IN WAKE OF W MILLER BEER COMMERCIAL GIG

REPORT: CHANUKWANZAMAS HOLIDAY SEASON NEARING 'OFFENSELESS POLITICAL PERFECTION'

TED TURNER: KIM JONG IL IS 'NO DIFFERENT THAN YOU, ME, OR DR. PHIL'

KERRY-EDWARDS BUMPER STICKERS REACH MONDALE-FERRARO STATUS

RAMSEY CLARK: I CHOSE TO DEFEND SADDAM BECAUSE I MISSED OUT ON DEFENDING O.J., BUNDY, AND DAHMER

NEW YORK TIMES: LITTLE-KNOWN BROADCASTER RUSH LIMBAUGH MAKING BIG WAVES

LAWYER IN SADDAM CASE DIES OF 'NATURAL GUN WOUNDS'

QUAGMIRES REPORTED AT 18 MALLS NATIONWIDE

REPORT: ALAN COLMES TO RENOUNCE LIBERALISM ON HIS DEATH BED

POLL: SHAPE OF CRANBERRY SAUCE STILL TRUMPS POLITICS AS PREFERRED THANKSGIVING DINNER DISCUSSION TOPIC

BUSH MAKES THANKSGIVING CALL TO CINDY SHEEHAN 'TO THANK HER FOR HER SERVICE'

HAPPY HOLIDAYS: WAL-MART ASSAULTS, LOOTING WIDESPREAD

EXPERT ON CHANCE OF BIRD FLU OCCURRING IN ANY OF 45 MILLION THANKSGIVING TURKEYS: 'WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE NOW, WON'T WE?'

DNC CHAIR DEAN: SEN. KERRY'S 'UNBELIEVABLE' PERFORMANCE AS JURY FOREMAN PROVES HE WAS FIT FOR DUTY

SYMPATHY VOTE CATAPULTS JOHN KERRY TO JURY FOREMAN SPOT

VEGETARIANS REJECT NEW TURKEY-BASED TOFU-FLAVORED TURKEY

SHERYL CROW WINS FOR 'BEST ANTI-BUSH DIATRIBE' AT AMERICAN MUSIC WARDS

'REAL LIFE CHER' MAKES CAMEO APPEARANCE IN NEW XBOX 360 GAME

U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL TO ADDRESS THREAT FROM INTERNET POP-UP ADS

CHRIS MATTHEWS: I'M NOT EVIL, YOU JUST HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

CHENEY CALLS FOR 'IMMEDIATE WITHDRAWAL' OF DEMOCRATS FROM U.S. CONGRESS

LARRY FLYNT TAPPED TO SPEARHEAD DEMOCRAT'S FAMILY VALUES INITIATIVE

IRAN REITERATES NUKES ARE FOR 'OIL ENERGY PURPOSES ONLY'

DEMOCRTATS DEMAND BUSH SET IRAQ SURRENDER DATE

FRENCH RUNNING OUT OF WHITE FLAGS

PUBLIC ED CZAR: FAILURE RATIOS WITHIN 'ACCEPTABLE LEVELS'

CHIRAC 'REACHES OUT' TO RIOTERS; OFFERS APOLOGIES, WEAPONS, LIGHTER FLUID IN EXCHANGE FOR PEACE

SEN. KENNEDY PRESSED FOR EXIT STRATEGY FROM PALM BEACH BAR SCENE

SUCCESSFUL CHEMO TREATMENT RIDS PHILADELPHIA EAGLES OF 'ALL TRACES OF T.O.'

BUSH IN CHINA, CRITICIZED FOR 'HIDING' DURING WESTERN HEMISPHERE'S NEWS CYCLES

JEW IN SAUDI ARABIA RIOTS, CITES 'INADEQUATE ASSIMILATION INTO HARDLINE ISLAMIC SOCIETY'

HUGO CHAVEZ ANNOUNCES BID FOR MASSACHUSETTS CONGRESSIONAL SEAT

CNN MULLS RELEASING U.S. VERSION OF ITS CABLE NETWORK

SEN. DURBIN DENIES RESPONSIBILITY FOR JORDAN HOTEL ATTACKS

G.O.P. MAY 'SIT OUT' '08 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION AFTER CRIPPLING LOSS OF TWO GOVERNORSHIPS

FOX NEWS' BREAKING NEWS JINGLE REACHES BILLBOARD TOP 10

HISTORY CHANNEL TO DOCUMENT LIVES OF PIRATES THAT ATTACKED TWIN TOWERS ON 9-11

FRANCE FALLS TO RIOTERS; SEN. KERRY CALLS FOR 'PEACE IN OUR TIME'

PROFIT-MOTIVATED STORES ALREADY DISPLAYING CHRISTMAS '06 MERCHANDISE

EXPERT: REAL ESTATE BUBBLE MAY HAVE BURST, FREE HOUSES STAYING ON MARKET LONGER

SEGA'S 'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 2K6' FOR XBOX HITS SHELVES

ABERCROMBIE & FITCH CALLS FOR BOYCOTT OF 'MORAL PRUDES'

FRENCH POLICE CONTINUE TO FROWN AT MUSLIM-LOOKING RIOTERS

 

FRENCH POLICE CRITICIZED FOR PUNISHING RIOTERS WITH 'DIRTY LOOKS'

BUSH ON ARGENTINE SUMMIT: 'I'D RATHER BE HAVING LUNCH WITH THE CONGRESSIONAL BLACK CAUCUS'

FANS AT MTV AWARDS: 'MADONNA IS STILL A TWENTY-SOMETHING IN OUR EYES'

BUSH MAKES 542nd VISIT TO CRAWFORD RANCH SINCE BUYING PROPERTY

PBS DOCUMENTARY EXPLORES JUDGE ALITO'S 'SUNNY-SIDE UP' EGG PREFERENCE

JOHN KERRY URGES U.S. SURRENDER TO 'MUSLIM-LOOKING' FRENCH RIOTERS

REQUESTS TO 'SHOWER WITH SOAP' SEND PARISIANS INTO 8TH DAY OF RIOTING

STAMP PRICE INCREASE MAY CURB HOLIDAY SPENDING

SEN. KENNEDY: BUSH CONCOCTING ANOTHER HURRICANE TO DIVERT ATTENTION FROM ROVE TROUBLES

LIBERALS: ISLAMIC RADICALS UNDERREPRESENTED ON SUPREME COURT