WHITE HOUSE URGES AMERICANS TO LIMIT TRAVEL TO BIDEN'S PUBLIC EVENTS

LEAK: OBAMA ORIGINALLY PUSHED CHRYSLER TO PARTNER WITH SECTOR 9 SKATEBOARDS

BANK LEAVES TARP MONEY AT GEITHNER FRONT DOOR, KNOCKS, RUNS AWAY

CDC: NEW 109,000,001 'SUSPECTED SWINE FLU CASES' INCLUDE ENTIRE MEXICAN POPULATION, GUY FROM PHOENIX

MASSACHUSETTS TO OFFER ADJUSTABLE RATE MONTH-TO-MONTH MARRIAGE CONTRACTS

MEXICO CITY RESIDENT FLEES TO SAFER REFUGE IN THE GAZA STRIP

SPECTER ADMITS PARTY SWITCH MOTIVATED BY DESIRE TO STAY EMPLOYED IN CRUMBLING ECONOMY

OBAMA: 'THERE'S NO REASON TO PANIC YET OVER THIS SWINE FLU I INHERITED'

DEMOCRATS ISSUE KNEE-JERK SWINE FLU BUSH BLAME

DIAL LAUNCHES ANTIBACTERIAL IN NEW 55 GALLON DRUM SIZED CONTAINERS

ARLEN SPECTER FINALLY OUTS SELF AS A DEMOCRAT, WILL REMAIN IN DEMOCRATIC PARTY

OBAMA SCRAMBLES TO FIND INCOME TAX-PAYING HHS SECRETARY AS SWINE FLU SPREADS

SUSPECTED SWINE FLU CASE TURNS OUT TO ONLY BE NEWLY-MUTATED AVIAN BIRD FLU

SPRAWLING ADDITION TO OVAL OFFICE TO PROVIDE ROOM FOR NEW 'CRISIS INBOX'

VEGETARIANS USE SWINE FLU PANDEMIC AS ANOTHER EXCUSE TO NOT EAT TASTY PIGS

OBAMA PROPOSES IRONIC PORK-FILLED ANTI-SWINE FLU SPENDING BILL

NY TIMES: TOP-SECRET ISRAELI STEALTH ATTACK ON IRAN PLANNED FOR JULY 14, 5:35 P.M. TEHRAN TIME

SWINE FLU OUTBREAK PROMPTS OBAMA WHITE HOUSE TO REITERATE NEED FOR ADDITIONAL GUN CONTROL MEASURES

SWINE FLU OUTBREAK HAMPERS PREVIOUSLY-THRIVING MEXICO CITY PIG STY TOURS

FORD FINISHES BURNING THROUGH REST OF CASH, COLLAPSES ON CFO'S $24.36 LUNCH TAB

MICHAEL MOORE INFLUENZA MUTATES INTO SWINE FLU, PROMPTS PANDEMIC FEARS

McCAIN '08 CAMPAIGN FINALLY LAUNCHES FACEBOOK PRESENCE

HILLARY CLINTON OVERHEARD ON D.C. PAYPHONE CONFERENCING WITH HER 2012 EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE

CHRYSLER BOARD ACCEPTS BUYOUT OFFER FROM MIKE'S WINGS-N-THINGS

HACKERS CRACK 'SECURE' OBAMA BLACKBERRY, FIND 'THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO FOR DUMMIES' eBOOK

JUSTICE DEPT DENIES OBAMA REQUEST TO LABEL FOX NEWS CRITICISM AS 'TORTURE'

OBAMA UP TO THREE PACKS A DAY

NY TIMES' RENT CHECK BOUNCES, SISTER PAPER COVERS $32 OVERDRAFT FEE

CRAIGSLIST MOVES TO PURGE SITE OF FRAUDULENT LISTINGS, SERIAL KILLERS

OBAMA ASKS CABINET TO HELP OFFSET $11 TRILLION DEFICIT BY USING 'ONE, OR LESS, SQUARE OF TOILET PAPER'

BARNEY FRANK FLIES WEST TO ANSWER SCREECHING PEREZ HILTON MATING CALL

MEGHAN McCAIN MISPRONOUNCES 'MEGHAN' DURING EXCORIATION OF GOP

KEITH OLBERMANN CHALLENGES MSNBC IN RACE TO 100 FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER

OBAMA DECLARES END TO WAR ON OVERSEAS MAN-MADE ACCIDENTAL CATASTROPHES

OBAMA ON CHAVEZ-GIFTED ANTI-U.S. BOOK: 'I LAUGHED, I CRIED, IT WAS LIKE I WROTE IT MYSELF'

WHITE HOUSE ASKS UNIVERSITY TO UNCOVER 'WE WORSHIP THIS MAN' ENGRAVING ON OBAMA LECTURN

NAPOLITANO ISSUES NEW WARNING AGAINST 'RIGHT-WING PIRATES TRYING TO HIJACK THE PRESIDENT'S AGENDA'

OBAMA BREAKS ANOTHER CAMPAIGN PROMISE, BE-FRIENDS HUGO CHAVEZ ON FACEBOOK

HOMELAND SECURITY ON ALERT AS RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST TERROR CELLS MEET, PLOT IN CHURCHES ACROSS COUNTRY

MADDEN: 'RETIREMENT IS ABOUT NOT WORKING ANYMORE, SO WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS NOT WORK'

NAPOLITANO APOLOGIZES FOR 'INAPPROPRIATE AND OUT OF LINE' RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST REPORT, AGREES TO LEFT-JUSTIFY SECTION HEADERS, CHANGE FONT

JENEANE GARAFOLO: RACIST 'HEROES' FANS HATE '24' FOR INCLUDING NON-VILLIAN BLACKS

TERRORIST 'PSYCHOLOGICALLY BATTERED' AFTER BABY BUTTERLY TORTURE HORROR

ANDERSON COOPER ON BEING BEAT IN RATINGS BY RACHEL MADDOW: 'I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M LOSING TO THIS GUY'

RECESSION REACHES GOOGLE; TECH GIANT TO MOW EMPLOYEE PUTTING GREEN ONLY TWICE A DAY

MATTEL SPOKESPERSON: TOYS ARE NOW 63% TOXIC CHEMICAL FREE

EMBARASSED TREASURY DEPT. RECALLS TAX EVASION INVESTIGATORS FROM MICHAEL SCOTT PAPER CO.

BARNEY FRANK CHASTISES MSNBC ANCHORS FOR 'TAKING TEABAGGING'S NAME IN VAIN'

GM DECRIES CHRYSLER'S 'AT LEAST WE'RE NOT GM' AD CAMPAIGN

OBAMA: 'I WAS HAPPY TO HEAR FROM MY HANDLERS THAT THERE'S BEEN TEA PARTY CELEBRATIONS ACROSS THE COUNTRY ON THIS GREAT DAY'

HOMELAND SECURITY: EXTREMIST RIGHT WING TERRORISTS HOST TEA PARTIES TO PROTEST 'INVESTING IN AMERICA'

KEITH OLBERMANN SAYS FIRST PRIVATE MEETING WITH OBAMA WAS 'INCREDIBLE'; WILL KEEP BABY

CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS FOR OCTOMOM'S CROWD OF KIDS MAY BANKRUPT TAXPAYERS WITH ANY MONEY LEFT

RIGHT WING EXTREMISTS STOCKING SHINGLE-ROOFED BUNKERS WITH BIBLES, AMERICAN FLAGS AND 'PALIN 2012' STICKERS

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY STUDENTS APPLAUD ERROR-FREE SPEECH READ BY OBAMA

OBAMA: IT MAKES SENSE TO LIFT CUBA RESTRICTIONS 'AS OUR TWO GOVERNMENTS ARE GROWING MORE SIMILAR EACH DAY'

SHIP CAPTAIN FREE AFTER PIRATE HEADS INTERRUPT FLIGHT OF SNIPER BULLETS

OBAMAS CUT DEAL WITH TMZ FOR FIRST PICS OF FIRST DOG

BIDEN CLAIMS CLEARING MORE TEXAS BRUSH THAN BUSH; ROVE DENIES

TWO BANKS, STD RESEARCH, AND OBAMA'S STIMULUS EFFORTS FAIL

OBAMA STICKS TO 'LET'S WAIT AND DO NOTHING' RESPONSE TO PIRATE CRISIS

MASSACHUSETTS THREATENS TO LAUNCH INTERSTATE BALLISTIC MISSLE THAT CAN REACH THE U.S.

OBAMA URGES DEFENSE CUTS TO FUND MORE PIRATE RANSOMS

KIM JONG IL CELEBRATES 120% OF VOTE IN PARLIAMENTARY ELECTION

WHITE HOUSE: NO BOW TO SAUDI KING; OBAMA WAS READING FLOOR-MOUNTED TELEPROMPTER

BENNY HINN ADJUSTS CASTRO DEATH PROPHECY, SAYS WILL BE 'SOMETIME IN THE NEXT FEW DECADES'

WHITE HOUSE DENIES BOW TO SAUDI KING WAS RESULT OF OBAMA MISTAKING HIM FOR BIN LADEN

OBAMA ACCEPTS FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST FROM AHMADINEJAD, IGNITES FIERY STATE DEPT STANDING OVATION

U.N. ISSUES STERN CONDEMNATION OF ISRAEL IN WAKE OF NORTH KOREAN ROCKET LAUNCH

STRUGGLING NY TIMES DOWN TO 'LAST DOZEN OR SO' READERS

TREASURY SECRETARY GEITHNER SETS SIGHTS ON 'OVER-COMPENSATED' QUICKIE MART MANAGERS

CZECH POLICE: 'FRENZIED CROWD OF FROTHING DEMONSTRATORS' TURNED OUT TO BE NBC JOURNALISTS WAITING TO GLIMPSE MICHELLE OBAMA

WORLD BACK AT EASE AS LAUNCH OF NORTH KOREAN ROCKET DEVESTATES LAUNCH PLATFORM, NEARBY FIELD

GUATEMALA PLANS MANNED SPACE TRAVEL BY 6016

NBC REPORTER CLAIMS 'UNBIASED JOURNALISM' DESPITE OBAMA LOGO NECK TATTOO

BRITISH PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN THROWS PANTIES ONTO STAGE DURING OBAMA SPEECH

PROPOSED BEER TAX HAS NATION'S DRINKERS ORGANIZING PROTESTS, RETURNING TO COUCH, PONG, OR FAVORITE DRINKING CHAIR

CHAOTIC LONDON STREETS BLOCKADED AS QUEEN ELIZABETH VISITS BEST BUY TO EXCHANGE IPOD FOR IPOD TOUCH

AS G20 SPEECH NEARS, OBAMA ORDERS TELEPROMPTER CARRIER INTO ENGLISH CHANNEL 'JUST IN CASE'

OBAMA AT G20 SUMMIT IN EUROPE, REFERS TO 'AMERICA'S ARROGANTLY PAVED STREETS'

TELEPROMPTER OUTAGE THREATENS U.S. PRESIDENT'S CONTINUED PARTICIPATION IN G20 SUMMIT

CONFLICKER APRIL FOOLS VIRUS DELETES ALL BUDGET FILES FROM WHITE HOUSE COMPUTERS, U.S. ECONOMY SAVED