OBAMA DEFENDS LACK OF SENSE OF HUMOR, INSISTS ENTIRE CANDIDACY IS 'A MIND-NUMBINGLY HILARIOUS JOKE'

CONGRESSMAN BERNIE SANDERS EXTREME NEUROPATHY BLAMED ON WEEK-LONG STANDING OVATION AFTER AHMADINEJAD U.N. SPEECH

McCAIN'S CONSULTATION WITH WARREN BUFFETT ACCIDENTALLY SCHEDULED AT SAME HOTEL AS OBAMA-OPRAH ECONOMIC SUMMIT

CNN: OBAMA 'COULD NOT HAVE PERFORMED MORE SPECTACULARLY' IN DEBATE LATER TONIGHT

BUSH PUSHES $1 TRILLION RESCUE PLAN FOR STALLED BAILOUT BILL

SEN. OBAMA: DAVID KORESH MESSIAH CLAIMS 'ABOVE MY PAY GRADE'

OBAMA: DEBATE MUST GO ON DESPITE ENQUIRER'S WARNING OF EXTRATERRESTIAL ATTACK

GUY PICKS UP LEHMAN BROTHERS IN $2 BOX AT YARD SALE

OBAMA WILL SUSPEND CAMPAIGN, CALLS FOR DEBATE DELAY UNTIL RESCUE PLAN PUT IN PLACE FOR 'NO TELEPROMPTER' RULE

BILL CLINTON: 'HILLARY AND I COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE MORE DEVOTED TO GETTING OBAMA ELECTED EVEN IF McCAIN IS THE MUCH BETTER CANDIDATE'

LAST 'END TIMES' PROPHECY FULFILLED AS CNN.COM HOMEPAGE STORY PAINTS OBAMA IN LESS THAN 'TOTALLY POSITIVE' LIGHT

 

OBAMA BACKS OUT OF DEBATE OVER 'NO TELEPROMPTER' RULE

BARNEY FRANK TURNS ATTENTION FROM COLLAPSING FINANCIAL SYSTEM TO CLAY AIKEN OUTING

ATTACK ON McCAIN PROMPTS STANDING OVATION FROM MEDIA POOL AT OBAMA PRESS CONFERENCE

LARRY KING ASKS AHMADINEJAD IF HE 'WANTS TO HURT JEWS' (PTD EDITOR'S NOTE TO WEBSITE ADMIN: REMOVE THIS ITEM - ENDED UP NOT BEING SATIRE)

 

NY TIMES: SARAH PALIN'S FRIEND'S BROTHER CONSIDERED FANNIE MAE LOAN AS RECENT AS EIGHT YEARS AGO

 

LEAK: BIDEN-HILLARY 'VP SWAP OUT' SCHEDULED FOR THIS WEEKEND, DURING LULL IN NEWS CYCLE

 

IRAN'S AHMADINEJAD ADVISED TO BE 'ON BIRTH CONTROL' FOR LARRY KING INTERVIEW

PALIN AND BIDEN CAMPAIGN TUESDAY, RAISE RECORD DOLLARS FOR McCAIN

 

TEN DOLLAR DONATION BUMPS OBAMA'S HUT BROTHER INTO UNBEARABLE KENYAN TAX BRACKET

HAITI AND ETHIOPIA POOL FUNDS, EXTEND ECONOMIC STIMULUS PACKAGE TO U.S.

9-11 CONSPIRACY THEORISTS TURN INVESTIGATIVE SKEPTICISM TO EXISTENCE OF GRAVITY

HALF OF SNL'S 'DOZEN OR SO' VIEWERS OFFENDED AT PALIN INCEST SKIT

PALIN STUMPED WHEN ASKED TO NAME OBAMA'S RUNNING MATE

PILGRIMS FLOCK TO VIEW 'IMAGE OF MARY' MIRACLE IN CHURCH'S STAINED GLASS WINDOW

 

CAMPAIGNING 'COMEDIAN' TURNED 'POLITICIAN' AL FRANKEN TELLS 'HILARIOUS' JOKE ABOUT BUSH KILLING IRAQI BABIES

 

HILLARY PLEDGES TO 'RE-DOUBLE SUPPORT FOR OBAMA SOMETIME IN NOVEMBER'

OBAMA BLASTS McCAIN FOR 'NOT REACHING ACROSS PARTY LINES AND ENDORSING MY ECONOMIC PLAN'

HILLARY CLINTON DIRECTS POST-NOMINATION LOSS RAGE ON CAMPAIGN LOGO DESIGNER

 

MICHELLE OBAMA SAYS FIGHTS LESS WITH HUSBAND SINCE HE BEGAN USING TELEPROMPTER AT HOME, IN BEDROOM

WALL STREET EYES RECORD REBOUND ON POSSIBLE LIFE SENTENCE VERDICT FOR O.J.

OBAMA OFFERS TRUCE TO McCAIN, REQUESTS ELECTION BASED ON LAST MONTH'S POLLS

OBAMA ADDS ROBUST MYSPACE FRIENDS LIST TO OTHER QUALIFICATION FOR PRESIDENCY

CAMPAIGNING OBAMA PULLS GROIN ON ATTEMPT AT HUMOR

 

OBAMA: McCAIN ISN'T FIT FOR PRESIDENCY BECAUSE HE'S NOT ON FACEBOOK

OBAMA RESORTS TO INFLATING CAMPAIGN EVENT CROWD COUNTS BY INCLUDING PRO-PALIN, ANTI-OBAMA PROTESTERS

SEN. OBAMA TO CARRY HAND-HELD TELEPROMPTER TODAY TO AVOID ANY 'INAPPROPRIATE REMARKS' ON 9-11 ANNIVERSARY

ABC NEWS JOURNALIST MAKES LATERAL MOVE TO WORK ON OBAMA CAMPAIGN

TELEPROMPTER-LESS OBAMA ACCIDENTALLY YELLS 'FIRE' IN CROWDED MOVIE THEATER

CAMPAIGNING McCAIN LEAVES PALIN FOR SHORT BATHROOM BREAK, SUFFERS 2 POINT DIP IN POLLS

BIG BANG MACHINE SUCCESSFULLY FAILS TO CREATE EARTH-SWALLOWING BLACK HOLE

INEPT OBAMA CAMPAIGN SAYS 'PIG LIPSTICK' COMMENT WAS DIRECTED AT PALIN'S DAUGHTER, NOT PALIN

SARAH PALIN ANSWERS OBAMA 'EXPERIENCE' QUESTION BY ORGANIZING SEVERAL COMMUNITIES DURING LUNCH BREAK

SEN. OBAMA ATTEMPTS TO BOLSTER THIN RESUME WITH PREVIOUSLY-FORGOTTEN '89 PING PONG MATCH WIN

NO SPACE TO CAMPAIGN: SWELLING PALIN CROWDS THREATEN TO FORCE OBAMA BACK TO EUROPE

OBAMA SUCCUMBS TO FAR-REACHING PALIN FEVER, FORGETS WHO HIS VICE PRESIDENT PICK WAS

OBAMA MOTORCADE DELAYED IN OHIO BY LINE OF PALIN-McCAIN EVENT ATTENDEES STRETCHING INTO INDIANA

EMBARRASSED CHINA INSISTS NEGOTIATIONS SINCE 2003 WITH KIM JONG IL CARDBOARD CUTOUT 'WERE STILL VERY PRODUCTIVE'

NY TIMES DIGS UP USE OF INCORRECT FORK AT DINNER FROM SARAH PALIN'S PAST

OBAMA CASTS 'NOT PRESENT' VOTE IN WAKE OF PALIN EXPLOSION

OBAMA CAMPAIGN STRUGGLES TO COMPETE WITH PIPER PALIN'S HAND SPIT AND HAIR PAT-DOWN MOMENT

DEMOCRATS BLAMED FOR ANTACID SHORTAGE IN WAKE OF PALIN SPEECH

McCAIN POISED TO ERASE POST-PALIN BOUNCE WITH SPEECH

FRANCE SURRENDERS TO SARAH PALIN

SEN. OBAMA: ABILITY TO RESPOND TO PALIN SPEECH ABOVE PAY GRADE

DEMOCRATS PICK UP PIECES, SET SIGHTS ON REBUILDING LIVES AFTER HURRICANE PALIN

REPORT: MILLIONS OF AMERICANS SUFFERED WITHOUT TiVO FOR PALIN SPEECH

BIASED LEFT-WING MEDIA BRISTLES AT GOP CHARGES OF LEFT-WING MEDIA BIAS

OBAMA-PALIN PRESIDENTIAL CONTEST REACHES FEVER PITCH

McCAIN CRITICIZED FOR NOT VETTING PALIN LIKE GOV CLINTON WAS IN '92

 

MEDIA'S OVERTIME SALARY BUDGETS STRETCH AS QUEST FOR UNFLATTERING PALIN PICS BECOMES DESPERATE