RACHEL MADDOW: 'KAGAN IS PRETTY. I MEAN PRETTY EFFECTIVE WITH HER ANSWERS AND ALL.'

GOV TURNS AWAY ARMADA OF NEW OIL VACS OVER EXPIRED LICENSE PLATE ON BARGE

OPRAH ON THE COVER OF HER STUPID MAGAZINE AGAIN

SECRETARY OF STATE CLINTON CALLS HILLARY CLINTON 2012 PRESIDENTIAL EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE 'ONLY A FORMALITY'

REFLEX BOW TO G8 LEADER REVEALS, RIPS OBAMA'S ANTI-BOW CORSET

G8 LEADERS MARVEL AS OBAMA'S PORTABLE GOLF COURSE ASSEMBLED IN TORONTO

BILL CLINTON 'DISGUSTED' BY 'MORALLY BANKRUPT' GORE

GORE: 'HOT, STEAMY POLICE REPORTS ABOUT ME CONTRIBUTE TO GLOBAL WARMING'

GUY FINDS IPHONE 5 PROTOTYPE AT LOS ANGELES BAR

OBAMA DIRECTS HOLDER TO FIND LAWSUIT TARGET IN McCRYSTAL DISASTER

OBAMA DUBS AL QUEDA, NORTH KOREA, IRAN 'AXIS OF POTENTIAL ALLIES'

SECRET SERVICE STOPS McCHRYSTAL'S M1 ABRAMS TANK AT OVAL OFFICE DOOR

OBAMA ON BP DISASTER: I'LL WORK TIRELESSLY UNTIL THIS COMMUNITY IS ORGANIZED

SERBIA ANNIHILATES GERMANY IN BRUTAL 1-0 WORLD CUP BLOODBATH

BP CEO HAYWARD'S COOL BRITISH ACCENT FAILS TO SOOTHE RABID LAWMAKERS

RASMUSSEN LATEST: SOME GUY STRONGLY APPROVES OF OBAMA

LURID DETAILS OF GORE'S STEAMY RELATIONSHIP WITH MOTHER EARTH EMERGE

BP DETAILS PLAN TO 'PUT SOME KIND OF THING ON OR IN THE OCEAN TO TRY TO MAKE THE OIL FLOW NOT AS BAD WE HOPE'

OBAMA SUGGESTS BEER SUMMIT WITH MILLIONS OF WORLD CUP HORN-BLOWERS

NEWS ORGS KEEP MISTAKENLY RUNNING LARRY KING OBITS

FORMER PRESIDENT BUSH EXCITED TO NOW BE ON 'THE GOOGLE'S NEW SOFTWARE SYSTEM, FACEBOOKS'

JONATHAN EDWARDS LOSES BID TO BECOME ASSISTANT TO CITY COUNCILMAN'S ASSISTANT

NEW HELEN THOMAS MSNBC SHOW ECLIPSES RACHEL MADDOW WITH 173 VIEWERS ON FIRST NIGHT

AMERICANS FRAZZLED BY OBAMA'S 'YOU'RE GOING DOWN - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE' FACEBOOK STATUS

APPLE'S CHIEF OF WWDC WI-FI CONNECTIVITY FOUND IN SILICON VALLEY LANDFILL

VISCIOUS ANTI-SEMITE HELEN THOMAS TO START REHABBING HER REPUTATION AS A REGULAR ANTI-SEMITE

IRAN OFFERS TO NUKE U.S. IN EFFORT TO PLUG GOLF OIL LEAK

BP LAUNCHES FL AD CAMPAIGN PROMOTING HAWAIIAN BEACHES

OBAMA LAUNCHES 'FIRST PERSON TO PLUG THE PIPE GETS BP' CONTEST

ARMANDO GALARRAGA UMP GETS SECRET SERVICE PROTECTION

BP EXEC SORRY HE OPTED FOR COOL 'IMA BP EXEC' VANITY PLATE

EXPERT: TODAY'S HELEN THOMAS TV APPEARANCE PROVES SHE'S STILL ALIVE

POTHEAD WHISTLEBLOWER FINALLY TELLS FEDS DEEPWATER HORIZON PLATFORM UNSAFE

BP HIRES JAMES CAMERON TO STOP OIL LEAK, MAKE DISASTER MOVIE