KARL ROVE CHECKS INTO REHAB AFTER WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER RAP PERFORMANCE

 

U.N. URGES CAUTION AND RESTRAINT IN CALLS FOR RELEASE OF BRITISH HOSTAGES

 

JOHN EDWARDS OVERDRAWS CAMPAIGN ACCOUNT WITH 7-11 SLURPEE PURCHASE

 

BARAK OBAMA: AMERICA'S REPUTATION BEING JEOPARDIZED BY BUSH, CURRENT CROP OF AMERICAN IDOL HOPEFULS

 

AMERICAN IDOL RATINGS DROP BELOW KEITH OLBERMANN'S MSNBC SHOW

 

FRANCE SURRENDERS TO IRAN OVER CAPTURE OF BRITISH SEAMEN

 

GOP'S SEARCH FOR 'REAGANESQUE CANDIDATE' INTENSIFIES WITH NEW IRANIAN HOSTAGE CRISIS

HILLARY CLINTON INSISTS SHE'LL 'REACH ACROSS THE AISLE' AT BUSH EFFIGY BURNING EVENT

CORONER: INNOCENT, BUT ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE OF ILLEGAL DRUGS KILLED ANNA NICOLE SMITH

MEDIA WARNS OBAMA EVENT ATTENDEES AGAINST SUNBURN FROM CANDIDATE'S CHARISMA

 

BRITISH CELEBS GWYNETH PALTROW AND MADONNA URGE ROYAL NAVY TO 'STOP MEDDLING IN IRANIAN WATERS'

GORE FINGERS N.A.S.A.'S MARS ROVER FOR APPARENT TOXICITY OF RED PLANET'S ATMOSPHERE

GORE GETS 2ND OSCAR FOR THEATRICAL PERFORMANCE AT CAPITOL HILL

 

GORE WARNS OF 'TRUE PLANETARY EMERGENCY' IF CONGRESS FAILS TO SHUT DOWN INDUSTRY

DON KING, WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION COLLABORATE TO AIR GLOBAL WARMING PAY-PER-VIEW DEBATE

SEN. McCAIN RECONSIDERS IRAQ WAR POSITION AFTER POLL

NORTH KOREA NUKE TALKS ON HOLD UNTIL PLUTONIUM ENRICHMENT COMPLETED

BUSH SUPPORTS GONZALES IN TRIMMING OF JUDICIAL BRANCH'S 'DEAD WOOD'

HILLARY CLINTON TO TOUR WITH RAPPER SNOOP DOG IN ATTEMPT TO COURT BLACK VOTE

KEITH OLBERMANN SPENDS FULL PROGRAM ON BUSH AUTOGRAPH SPELLING ERROR

AIR AMERICA BUYER LOSES RECEIPT, IS STUCK WITH PURCHASE

HAMAS AND FATAH AGREE TO UNITY GOV, PEACEFUL DESTRUCTION OF ISRAEL

FCC FINES ABC FOR LURID LOVEMAKING SCENE DURING BARBARA WALTERS INTERVIEW WITH HUGO CHAVEZ

VALERIE PLAME WOWS CONGRESSIONAL HEARING WITH 'HOT BLOND SECRET SPY LOOK'

BANK DECLINES JOHN McCAIN'S CAMPAIGN WARCHEST AS COLLATERAL FOR JETSKI LOAN

HILLARY'S PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN LEFT 'GULPING FOR AIR' AFTER NEW BILL CLINTON AFFAIR ALLEGATIONS SURFACE

SENATE REFUSES TO PASS U.S. FRENCHIFICATION BILL, TROOPS TO STAY IN IRAQ

SEN. CLINTON SIDESTEPS QUESTIONS ON IMMORALITY OF ASEXUALITY

GITMO MANAGEMENT DENIES KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMED'S CONFESSION FOLLOWED JACK BAUER VISIT

HAMAS SOFTENS IMAGE BY SWAPPING 'ANNIHILATION OF JEWS' WITH DESTRUCTION OF JEWS' IN CHARTER

GORE PLANTS DOZEN SEQUOIA TREES AS CARBON OFFSET FOR NEXT MONTH'S PRIVATE JET USAGE

OBAMA: NOBODY SUFFERS MORE THAN FREEDOM FIGHTING PALESTINIAN SUICIDE BOMBERS

GOOGLE STRIKES BACK AT VIACOM'S $1 BILLION LAWSUIT, SUES VIACOM FOR $1 GOOGLE

JOHN EDWARDS HOPES DISCOVERY OF BLACK AUNT IGNITES FLOUNDERING CAMPAIGN

SEN. CLINTON: 'I WILL BE THE FIRST BLACK-MINDED FEMALE PRESIDENT, JUST LIKE JFK'

POLL: MODERATE DEMOCRATS LIKE GIULIANI FOR ABORTION STANCE, AND CAN FORGIVE HIS 'POST 9-11 DETERMINATION TO FIGHT BACK'

NJ CONGRESSMAN (D - NJ) RESERVES CAPITOL BOARDROOM FOR BIN LADEN, MULLAH OMAR MEETING

ANTI-BUSH PROTESTER CHUCK HAGEL COURTS GOP PRIMARY VOTERS

JOHN EDWARDS AGREES TO DEBATE HOSTED BY DEMOCRATIC PARTY AND SUBSIDIARY CNN

 

FOX NEWS CHIEF AILES: 'EVEN FAT TEDDY CONFUSED OBAMA AND OSAMA, EVERYONE'S DOING IT'

 

ANGELINA JOLIE GIVES BIRTH TO NEWLY-ADOPTED AFRICAN KID

FARRAKHAN MOVES TOWARD NORMALIZING RELATIONS WITH REST OF WORLD

LESS-THAN-NORMALLY-GRIM NEWS BRIGHTENS FRONT PAGE OF NY TIMES

 

FREDERICK PRICE BASKS IN CAMERA'S GLOW DURING SON'S SERMON ABOUT FATHER'S HUMILITY

 

SECRET SERVICE QUESTIONS HUGO CHAVEZ ON 'ALL THE DEATH THREATS AND WHAT NOT'

 

NEWT GINGRICH BLAMES AFFAIR ON 'MY INNER CLINTON'

 

EU FOREIGN POLICY CHIEF JAVIER SOLANA NOT ANTICHRIST SAYS PUBLIC RELATIONS DEMON

 

PROGRESSIVE BLOG DAILY KOS: 'BITCH' ANN COULTER OWES APOLOGY TO JOHN EDWARDS

 

CNN: BUSH TOURS LATIN AMERICAN DESPITE INTIMIDATING ANTI-BUSH PROTESTS

 

FORMER PRESIDENT CARTER CRITICIZES ISRAEL FOR HAMAS ROCKET ATTACK ON TEL AVIV

DEMS PUSH FOR IRAQ PULLOUT 'AS SOON AS OUR DEFEAT CAN BE SECURED'

JAMES CAMERON CLAIMS TO HAVE FOUND CRIME COMMITTED BY LEWIS LIBBY

ROSIE O'DONNELL REARS ITS UGLY HEAD AGAIN, BLASTS FOX'S 'IDOL'

 

McCAIN ASKS FOR RECOUNT IN CPAC STRAW POLL

BARAK OBAMA DELIVERS SERMON FROM ALABAMA CHURCH DENOUNCING GOP CANDIDATES 'WHO USE THE PULPIT FOR POLITICAL PURPOSES'

 

DEFENSE ATTORNEY SEES 'QUITE A FEW HOLES' IN MAN'S ADMISSION OF DISMEMBERING WIFE

CLINTON, OBAMA REFUSE TO CLASH AT EVENT COMMEMORATING CIVIL RIGHTS CLASH

 

O.J. SIMPSON 'ALMOST NABBED' WIFE'S KILLER AT MIAMI NIGHTCLUB

 

DOW POISED FOR SOME KIND OF FLUCTUATION THIS WEEK: EXPERT

 

BARAK OBAMA: 'I DON'T CARE HOW BLACK YOU ARE, VOTE FOR ME ANYWAY'

REUTERS BREAKING: ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S COFFIN HOISTED, PALLBEARERS PREPARE TO TAKE STEP FORWARD

SCIENTIST: NEW SATURN PICS DEMONSTRATE THE 'BEAUTY OF AN INTELLIGENTLY DESIGNED BIG BANG'

REPORT: SEN. TED KENNEDY'S FLATUENCE FOOTPRINT EXCEEDS 20X AVERAGE

THOUSANDS OF 'PROGRESSIVES' VOLUNTEER TO GO HOMELESS, CARLESS, AND NUDE TO OFFSET GORE'S CARBON FOOTPRINT

BARAK OBAMA REJECTS SEN. CLINTON'S 'PEACE OFFER' OF CEMENT SHOES AND ALL-EXPENSE-PAID FISHING TRIP

SCIENTIST: FLORIDA TORNADOES WERE CAUSED BY GORE MANSION

SEN. McCAIN LULLS LETTERMAN AUDIENCE TO SLEEP WITH CANDIDACY ANNOUNCEMENT