ACORN BOASTS SHOVEL-READY PROJECT: CHICAGO CEMETARIES CULLED FOR VOTERS

EGYPTIAN VP PROMISES TO FIX NEW ELECTIONS

WHITE HOUSE: OBAMA PREPARED TO BOW TO 'WHOEVER EMERGES AS THE NEW OR EXISTING EGYPTIAN RULER'

GROUPON'S NEW 105% OFF DEAL A BIG HIT

PIANO ON SANDBAR IS WELCOME DISTRACTION TO EGYPTIAN UNREST, DEATH AND DESTRUCTION

AFTER SUPER-LAME PARTY IN HOSPITAL ROOM, CHARLIE SHEEN RUSHED TO HIS HOUSE

RAHM EMANUEL'S MOB PALS: 'LET US TAKE CARE OF THIS CHICAGO THING'

MAJORITY OF VIEWERS THOUGHT OF FUNNY PELOSI GAVEL VIDEO DURING BOEHNER INTRODUCTION

UNKNOWN CONGRESSMAN HOLD IMPORTANT 3 SECOND SUMMIT WITH OBAMA DURING STATE OF THE UNION WALK-IN

TACO BELL SETTLES, WILL CALL TACO FILLING 'MEATISH SUBSTANCE'

BARNEY FRANK DENIED REQUEST TO BRING 14 YR OLD CONGRESSIONAL PAGE TO STATE OF THE UNION DATE NIGHT

OBAMA PROMISES 2016 RELEASE OF UNPHOTOSHOPPED BIRTH CERTIFICATE

NORTH KOREAN STATE-RUN MEDIA: 24-HR LOOPS OF 'BEST OF OLBERMANN' BETTER THAN NO OLBERMANN AT ALL

SEXTING FAVRE FALLS INTO MALL FOUNTAIN, BECOMES YOUTUBE SENSATION

FBI HOPING TO SURPRISE MORE MOB MEMBERS WITH ARREST TOMORROW

HU ASKS TO SIT IN OBAMA THRONE AT STATE DINNER 'SINCE HE PAID FOR IT'

NFL HALTIME COMMENTS DROWNED OUT BY VOLUME OF JIMMIE JOHNSON'S TIE

BIN LADEN FOUND MANAGING MIAMI BEACH JUICE & JAVA

POLICE DETAIN FOX NEWS, TALK RADIO ON TIP THAT ANOTHER MASSACRE WAS IN WORKS

'KENNEDYS' MINISERIES THREATENS FAMILY'S PRISTINE IMAGE

JOHN HINCKLEY JR. STILL TRYING TO IMPRESS JODIE FOSTER WITH NUMBER OF PULLUPS, CRUNCHES

JOHN EDWARDS DENIES PROPOSING TO REILLE HUNTER AT ELIZABETH EDWARD'S FUNERAL

SOME CELEBRITY DID SOMETHING STUPID THAT EVERYONE WILL PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO, MEDIA REPORTS

HUNDREDS OF DEAD OBAMA AGENDA INITIATIVES FOUND ON SENATE FLOOR

ORANGE JOHN BOEHNER SWORN IN AS FIRST COLORED SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE

WHITE HOUSE STAFF SHAKEUP MIXUP ENDS WITH ACCIDENTAL REPLACEMENT OF OBAMA

OBAMA RECEIVES HUGE $1,000 CHECK FROM COUNTRY CLUB FOR 1000TH ROUND OF GOLF

DEATH OF THOUSANDS OF BIRDS GIVES ORNITHOLOGICAL ARMAGEDDONITES SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT

ILLUMINATED BALL DROPPING PROMPTS EVACUATION OF TIMES SQUARE, SCRAMBLE OF F-18 FIGHTER JETS