NEW ROUND OF WHITE HOUSE RESIGNATIONS INCLUDES GIBBS, BIDEN, OBAMA

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEARBY SOCIALIST COUNTRY THAT MAY SUPPORT LIFE

FLOUNDERING OBAMA ENDORSES LONGER SCHOOL YEAR, NOW LOSES SUPPORT OF CHILDREN

TWITTER OUTAGE DURING GLEE PROMPTS RIOTING IN MAJOR CITIES

SEN. FEINGOLD 'TOO BUSY' IN GARAGE TO ATTEND OBAMA-HOSTED FUNDRAISER IN FEINGOLD LIVING ROOM

JEOPARDY WINNER RUBBING IT IN EVERYONE'S FACE

TELEPROMPTER TYPO HAS SASHA PASSING FATHER WRONG SALAD DRESSING

GOOGLE TO CUT COSTS BY ANNIHILATING CITIES IT HASN'T YET STREET-VIEWED

OIL PRICES SET TO SPIKE IF ISRAEL ATTACKS U.N.

BLACKBERRY MAKERS WORRIED THEIR NEW TABLET MIGHT BE CRAP COMPARED TO APPLE'S

BARNEY FRANK SPLITS WITH OBAMA ADMIN OVER PROPOSED BAN ON FATTY FOODS

CLINTON ARRESTED IN JERUSALEM AMID TEMPLE MOUNT CLASH WITH ISRAELIS

REPUBLICANS' 'PLEDGE TO AMERICA' INCLUDES FORCED RETIREMENT OF SEN. McCAIN

OBAMA INITIATES THIRD WAR AGAINST WOODWARD BOOK

OBAMA DISMISSES REPORT THAT MAJORITY OF DEMS WANT BUSH BACK

POLLSTER: NEW RATING SYSTEM NEEDED TO ACCOMMODATE SUB-ZERO OBAMA APPROVAL

RALLY TO END ALL MOCK RALLIES PLANNED FOR NATION'S CAPITAL

REPORT: OFFICERS SUCCESSFULLY WRAP UP LINDSEY LOHAN'S DAILY ARREST

U.S. MULLS RAISING RETIREMENT AGE TO 115

NEW '25 HOUR ENERGY' TO MAKE AMERICANS MORE PRODUCTIVE, REGAIN SUPERPOWER STATUS

RAHM EMANUEL TO 'DRAIN THE SWAMP' OF REMAINING HONEST CHICAGO POLITICOS

SCANDINAVIA'S CONFUSING HOMELAND SECURITY WARNING SYSTEM RAISED TO 'TURQOISE AND A HALF'

DEMOCRATS ALREADY PLANNING 'TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK' CAMPAIGN AGAINST OBAMA'S INEVITABLE REPUBLICAN SUCCESSOR

'CLINTON FOR CHANGE IN 2012' CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS DISCOVERED IN STATE DEPARTMENT CLOAKROOM

OBAMA ADVISED NOT TO WEAR PALESTINIAN KEFFIYEH DURING MIDEAST PEACE TALKS

GOD STANDS BY STEPHEN HAWKING DESPITE PERSONAL ATTACKS

NETANYAHU HOPES ISRAEL CAN MAKE PEACE WITH ABBAS, OBAMA

CARDBOARD CUTOUT AT OVAL OFFICE DESK FAILS TO MASK OBAMA'S VACATION ABSENCE