OBAMA PLEDGES TO 'NOT CONGRATULATE MYSELF FOR MY IRAQ VICTORY' IN OVAL OFFICE SPEECH

CNN ESTIMATES 'TENS OF PEOPLE' ATTENDED BECK RALLY

MSNBC: MAJORITY OF AMERICANS FAIL TO SHOW UP TO GLENN BECK EVENT

SEAN HANNITY LIES IN GREETING NOT-SO-GOOD AMERICAN

FED CHAIRMAN ADVISES NATION TO CALMLY LINE UP TO EXIT STOCK MARKET

WHITE HOUSE ADMITS INTENTION WAS TO COMMENT ON OBAMA'S 'OBLIVIOUS CHRISTIANITY'

TIGER SHOOTS 65 AT BARCLAYS, PLANS BI-WEEKLY DIVORCES IN BID TO IMPROVE SCORES

LINDSAY LOHAN DEPARTS REHAB FOR BAR ACROSS STREET

OBAMA LOBSTER AND CAVIAR OVERDOSE PROMPTS NEED FOR ANOTHER VACATION

WIKILEAKS TO PUBLISH OBAMA'S CHRISTIAN STREET CREDS

NORTH KOREA HOPES TO SECURE ITS RELEASE FROM CARTER VISIT

'MOTIVATED' OBAMA CHASES APPROVAL RATING ENJOYED BY MALWARE SPAMMERS

G.O.P. FAITHFUL PROPEL '100 PERCENT PRO-LIFE' CANDIDATE TO EASY WIN OVER 92.5 PERCENT PRO-LIFER

WEATHERMAN BLAMES WRONG PREDICTION ON CALCULATIONS NON-WEATHERPEOPLE CAN'T UNDERSTAND

OBAMA FEIGNS DISINTEREST AS MUSLIM CALL TO PRAYER RINGS OUT OVER GOLF COURSE

STUDY: AMERICAN DREAM TO OWN A JOB BECOMING ELUSIVE FOR MANY

WHITE HOUSE DENIES OBAMA BEING 'CONDESCENDING TO STUPID AMERICANS'

WHITE HOUSE QUIETLY CANCELS OBAMA'S THREE WEEK VACATION TO MECCA

CHRISTIAN OBAMA VOWS TO STOP SUPPORTING JIHADIST PROJECTS AT GROUND ZERO, PRAYING TO ALLAH

PELOSI CALLS FOR INVESTIGATION OF 9-11 VICTIMS IN MOSQUE FLAP

INTERNATIONAL LAW ENFORCEMENT EFFORTS BEING EXHAUSTED BY AROUND-THE-CLOCK GEORGE MICHAEL ARRESTS

OBAMA PLEDGES TO 'LAY OFF OF VACATIONS' FOR A FEW DAYS

OBAMA ENDORSES AL QUEDA TRAINING FACILITY FOR PENTAGON'S INTERIOR COURTYARD

DIAL MARKETS SUPER-EXPENSIVE BODY SOAP TO THE FILTHY RICH

TAXPAYER CURSES OUT PASSENGER, PULLS EMERGENCY CHUTE, SLIDES OFF AIR FORCE ONE

FEW FAMILY MEMBERS AND PAID 'FRIENDS' REMAIN ON SEN. RANGEL'S FACEBOOK FRIEND LIST

THREE TIGER MISTRESSES PASS HIM IN PGA RANKINGS

TIGER WOODS TO FIGHT MIKE TYSON IN PAY-PER-VIEW ATTEMPT TO REHAB SOILED IMAGE

MICHELLE OBAMA'S ENTOURAGE IN SPAIN FIND TAXPAYER-FUNDED BENTLEYS UNDER SEATS

PLUGGED WELL, LACK OF OIL IN GULF REPRESENTS THE 'WORST MISSED OPPORTUNITY FOR ENVIROMENTALISTS IN OUR HISTORY'

NEITHER OF COURIC'S VIEWER'S BOTHERED BY PALIN RIP

FAVRE RETIRING, CITES TIME NEEDED TO PONDER MOVE TO NEXT NFL TEAM

DESPERATE OBAMA HIGHLIGHTS ATTRACTIVE BOMB SHELTER MORTGAGE RATES