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JOHN EDWARDS' MARRIAGE COUNSELING COSTS FOUND EMBEDDED IN STIMULUS PACKAGE

 


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OBAMA INSISTS 'I WON' TO GOP LAWMAKERS OPPOSING OBAMA LOGO ON REDESIGNED AMERICAN FLAG

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SUBWAY RESPONDS TO DECREASED CONSUMER SPENDING WITH $1 FIVE-FOOT-LONGS

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BLAGO STATE SENATE PLEA INCLUDES WEIRD, BUT NOT SURPRISING DISAPPEARING HANDKERCHIEF TRICK

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'A BILLION OR SO' EARMARKED TO BAIL OUT FAILED 'TRILLION OR SO' BANK BAILOUT PROGRAM

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OBAMA REQUESTS SUMMARY OF RUSH LIMBAUGH RADIO PROGRAM BE INCLUDED IN DAILY THREAT ASSESSMENT

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OBAMA TO RESTORE 'THE ENTIRETY OF CIVIL LIBERTIES REMOVED BY BUSH', WILL NOW ALLOW NAIL CLIPPERS ON PLANES

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FROSTBITE SENDS AL GORE TO ARIZONA HOSPITAL, GLOBAL WARMING SPEECH CANCELLED

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BLAGO CONTINUES MEDIA BLITZ, WILL NEXT APPEAR ON JERRY SPRINGER AND AMERICA'S MOST WANTED

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AMERICANS TURN TO STEVEN KING NOVELS, HORROR MOVIES TO BUOY SPIRITS IN MIDST OF CRUMBLING ECONOMY

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RELEASED GITMO DETAINEE BECOMES AL QUEDA COMMANDER, ASPIRES TO U.S. PRESIDENCY
 

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OBAMA BRISTLES AT MEDIA 'PESTERING ME WITH QUESTIONS'

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OBAMA PARDONS CHIEF JUSTICE ROBERTS, TRASH-DROPPING ATTENDEES FOR INAUGURAL MISDEEDS

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OBAMA TO CLOSE GITMO, RELEASE DETAINEES INTO THE WILD

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CAROLINE KENNEDY DROPS SENATE BID; SAYS 'IT'S FOR, YOU KNOW...PERSONAL, YOU KNOW...REASONS'

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SECRET SERVICE: HILLARY CLINTON KEEPS ASKING ABOUT SECURITY DETAILS OF THOSE BEFORE HER IN PRESIDENTIAL LINE OF SUCCESSION

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FLORIDIANS REPORT ENCOUNTERING 'COLD GLASS THAT BREAKS EASILY AND MELTS WHEN WARMED'

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MICHAEL JACKSON LOSES TWO MORE BODY PARTS

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GEORGE BUSH AT NEW TEXAS HOME, GETTING CAUGHT UP ON SEASON 4 OF 'LOST'
 

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UNSUSPECTING OBAMA HALFWAY THROUGH TWELVE HOUR PARADE PRANK
 

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CNN: 'YOUNG, ENERGETIC AND ANGELIC' OBAMA CURRENTLY STANDING, WAVING
 

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SEN. HILLARY CLINTON FORMERLY CONCEDES DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION TO OBAMA, CLOSES REMAINING CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTER

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CNN VOWS TO 'AVOID SOILING THE SPIRIT OF THE DAY', REMOVES DOW TICKER FROM HOMEPAGE

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NATION APPARENTLY STILL TRYING TO GRASP CONCEPT OF MINORITY IN HIGH LEADERSHIP POSITION

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MILLIONS DISMAYED AFTER OBAMA PRESIDENCY FAILS TO BRING HOPE, ANY CHANGE

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BIDEN LIMITS GAFFES TO 7 DURING INAUGURATION CEREMONY

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BIDEN RUINS MOMENT BY LETTING 'THIS ALL SHOULD BE FOR ME' SLIP IN FRONT OF OBAMA

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MILLIONS IN D.C. TO WISH BUSH A PEACEFUL, HEALTHY, AND MUCH-DESERVED RETIREMENT

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D.C. BRACES FOR HISTORIC INAUGURATION OF 'ONE OF ONLY SEVERAL' HALF-WHITE PRESIDENTS

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COMMEMORATIVE COIN FEATUES OBAMA'S ALLEGED BIRTH STATE HAWAII
 

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D.C. CROWDS, CHRIS MATTHEWS APPROACHING ORGASMIC CLIMAX IN ANTICIPATION OF OBAMA INAUGURATION
 

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OBAMA NIXES PLAN TO ENTER INAUGURAL STAGE BY 'DESCENDING FROM HEAVEN WITH A SHOUT'

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ORLANDO PUMMELED BY 55 DEGREE WINDCHILL

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FEDS TOSS BANK OF AMERICA ANOTHER BAZILLION DOLLARS

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NBC RESCINDS HUDSON RIVER PILOT'S 'HERO' STATUS AFTER CRAZY PRO-BUSH COMMENT

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OBAMA TO REMOVE TROOPS FROM IRAQ, AFGHANISTAN, AND U.S. TRAINING CAMPS

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AL SHARPTON RUSHES TO HUDSON CRASH SITE, JUMPS IN WATER FOR TV COVERAGE OPPORTUNITY

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OBAMA CONSIDERS SWAPPING CIA DIRECTOR-SELECT PANETTA WITH 'TOUGHER, MORE MANLY' MICHAEL JACKSON

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APPLE FOUNDER STEVE WOZNIAK STEPPING DOWN FROM DAY-TO-DAY OPERATIONS OF SILICON VALLEY 7-11

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DOW JUMPS UP TO ONLY DOWN SEVERAL HUNDRED

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OBAMA LANDS 78TH TIME MAGAZINE COVER

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BACKGROUND NOISE ANALYSIS INDICATES BIN LADEN AUDIO WAS TAPED AT KABUL'S CHUCK E. CHEESE

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OBAMA TO CLOSE 'INHUMANE' GITMO, MOVE DETAINEES TO RIKERS ISLAND GENERAL POPULATION

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BAILOUT FUNDS OVERSIGHT AGENCY RUNS OUT OF MONEY

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OBAMA CITES NEED TO DELAY CAMPAIGN PROMISES 'HOPE', 'CHANGE', AND 'YES WE CAN'

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BERNIE MADOFF DENIED COMFORTS OF PRISON, WILL CONTINUE SUFFERING IN $7 MILLION NYC PENTHOUSE

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OBAMA: ECONOMY MAY 'GET SO BAD, THE END OF THE WORLD MAY OCCUR WITHOUT NOTICE'

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OBAMA ASKS FOR 'LOOSE CHANGE FROM UNDER ALL AMERICAN COUCH CUSHIONS' TO FUND $2 TRILLION STIMULUS PACKAGE

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CHRYSLER SELLS CAR
 

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TRAINING WHEELS BEING FITTED ON CIA FOR DIRECTOR-SELECT PANETTA

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COVERAGE OF OPRAH WEIGHT BATTLES ECLIPSING NEWS OF ISRAELI-HAMAS WAR

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HAMAS, U.S. MEDIA LAUNCH NEW ROUND OF ATTACKS ON ISRAEL

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SOFT DRINK MAKERS TO BEGIN USING FIRST NON-LETHAL SUGAR ALTERNATIVE

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OBAMA TAPS LEON PANETTA TO HEAD CIA, CARROT TOP TO RUN DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE
 

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LAWMAKERS CONSIDER PULLING TROOPS FROM IRAQ TO ASSIST WITH BLOCKING ROLAND BURRIS' ACCESS TO SENATE

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ISRAEL LAUNCHES DEFENSIVE ATTACK ON HAMAS; FRANCE CONDEMNS, QUESTIONS CONCEPT OF 'DEFENDING ONE'S HOMELAND'

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U.S. ECONOMY IN DANGER OF BEING OUTPACED BY NIGERIAN EMAIL SCAM INDUSTRY

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AL FRANKEN'S WIFE SAVES THREE MORE VOTES FOR HUSBAND BETWEEN HAMPERED KHAKIS AND WASH

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REPORT: CAROLINE KENNEDY IS FRONTRUNNER TO LOSE NY SENATE RACE IN 2010
 

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COMMUNIST CUBA CELEBRATES 50 YEARS OF DETERIORATION

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CIGARETTE SALES SUFFER AS AMERICANS RESOLVE TO TEMPORARILY QUIT SMOKING AGAIN

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GYM CROWDS THIN AS AMERICANS BEGIN FALLING OFF NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION BANDWAGONS

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OLMERT CONSIDERS CONVERTING GAZA STRIP INTO PARKING LOT FOR TOURISTS TO ISRAEL

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CARNIVAL PROMISES 10% FEWER CRUISE SHIP DISAPPEARANCES IN 2009

 


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U.S. SKIPS 2009 DUE TO 'GRIM OUTLOOK', RINGS IN 2010 WITH FIREWORKS, DUI ARRESTS
 

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