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LEAK: AFTER CANDID CAMERA REVELATION TO U.S., EARLY OBAMA VOTERS WILL BE ALLOWED TO RE-VOTE
 

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OBAMA CLARIFIES SLOGAN: 'GIVE ME YOUR CHECK AND I'LL GIVE YOU SOME CHANGE'

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SARAH PALIN WARDROBE EXPENSES APPROACH JOHN EDWARDS' HAIR CARE BUDGET NUMBERS

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REPORT: PRESUMPTIVE ELECTION WINNER OBAMA BORROWED FROM 2009 DEFENSE BUDGET FOR HALF-HOUR AD

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HARD TIMES: GOOGLE EMPLOYEES FORCED TO SUFFER WITH FEWER COTTON CANDY MACHINES

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SEN. OBAMA BUYS GUN, GETS CONCEALED WEAPONS PERMIT; CITES FEAR OF McCAIN ELECTION LOSS
 

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SECRET SERVICE ESCORTS MICHELLE OBAMA AND INTERIOR DESIGNER OUT OF WHITE HOUSE RESIDENCE

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L.A. TIMES TO COMPLY WITH AVALANCHE OF REQUESTS, WILL RELEASE OBAMA-KHALIDI TAPE IN MID-NOVEMBER

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OBAMA LAUNCHES 2012 RE-ELECTION BID

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REVISED OBAMA TAX PLAN TARGETS 'OBSCENELY WEALTHY' TAXPAYERS MAKING OVER $50K

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SOCIALIST IDEOLOGY REVEALED IN BACKMASKED OBAMA SPEECH

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REP. JOHN MURTHA: 'MY CONSTITUENCY, AS RECENT AS ONLY WEEKS AGO, WAS PRETTY MUCH ALL WHITE TRASH'

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WILLIAM AYERS: 'I HAVE NEVER HAD ASSOCIATIONS WITH THAT UNREPENTENT MARXIST BARACK OBAMA'

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MAN RELIEVED TO SEE DOW UP 12 POINTS UNTIL BROWSER REFRESH REVEALED MORE RECORD LOSSES

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RALPH NADER SPENDS $84 ON STAGE FOR ELECTION NIGHT CELEBRATION 'JUST IN CASE'

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AL GORE BRAVES RECORD FREEZE TO DELIVER GLOBAL WARMING SPEECH

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RECENT 'VOTERS' REGISTERED BY ACORN INCLUDE INANIMATE OBJECT AND PIECE OF BELLY BUTTON LINT

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McCAIN ROLLS OUT 'HOLD YOUR NOSE AND VOTE FOR ME' CAMPAIGN TO COURT RELUCTANT CONSERVATIVES

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EXPERT: DOW SET FOR RECORD HIGH OR CATASTROPHIC COLLAPSE

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MSNBC: INDEPENDENTS AND MODERATES 'LIKE CINDY SHEEHAN' SUPPORTING OBAMA

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NATIONAL DEBT CLOCK, BIDEN GAFFE COUNTER RUN OUT OF DIGITS

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SARAH PALIN TAKES BREAK FROM CAMPAIGNING TO VISIT AILING AND AGING JOHN McCAIN

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BERNANKE: ZILLION DOLLAR STIMULUS PACKAGE 'MIGHT WORK'
   

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FORMER SEN. JOHN EDWARDS (D-RIELLE HUNTER) PLANNING 2024 COMEBACK
 

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JOE THE PLUMBER AMASSING TROOPS AT OBAMAN BORDER

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FORWARD-THINKING OBAMA LAUNCHES 'DISENFRANCHISED VOTERS' AND 'STOLEN ELECTION' LAWSUITS

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WILLIAM AYERS' REQUEST FOR REUPHOLSTERY OF DEFENSE SECRETARY CABINET SEAT RAISES QUESTIONS

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McCAIN TO OBAMA: I WAS SWAPPING WAR STRATEGIES WITH CHURCHILL WHEN YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS PLAYING PENNY WHISTLES AND PLAYING MARBLES

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INSIDER: 'NEW, MORE ENERGETIC' JOHN McCAIN SPONSORED BY RED BULL
 

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KEITH OLBERMANN SET TO EXPOSE PLUMBER JOE FOR 1972 PEEK AT SCHOOLMATE'S TEST ANSWERS

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OBAMA TELLS AMERICAN FLAG REDESIGNER TO 'HANG TIGHT' ON NEWS OF TIGHTENING POLLS

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JOE THE PLUMBER FAILS INVOLUNTARY MSNBC ANAL EXAM

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McCAIN QUIETLY CELEBRATES 93RD BIRTHDAY DURING SLOW OVERNIGHT NEWS CYCLE
 

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OBAMA PLANS NOV 3 PARTY TO CELEBRATE ELECTORAL SUCCESS

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BIDEN TURNS CAMPAIGNING FOCUS TO 'FOUR LETTER WORD E-M-P-L-O-Y-M-E-N-T'

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McCAIN NOW WITHIN MARGIN OF ERROR IN INTERNAL McCAIN FAMILY POLL

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McCAIN CITES EVIDENCE OF 'A SLOWER-PACED SLIDE IN POLLS' AS PROOF HE WON DEBATE

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JOE THE PLUMBER RACES PAST RALPH NADER IN POLLS AS WRITE-IN FAVORITE

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OBAMA CITES LIE IN McCAIN ACCUSATION, SAYS CAREER WAS LAUNCHED IN AYERS' JACUZZI, NOT LIVING ROOM
 

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SNL SKIT WRITERS OVERWHELMED BY McCAIN FACIAL EXPRESSION PARODY CHOICES
 

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PALIN STRATEGIST SUGGESTS COMEBACK BY 'SWAPPING OUT THE TOP OF THE TICKET'
 

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CLOSE-PROXIMITY MIND CONTROL DEVICE CONFISCATED FROM HILLARY CLINTON IN ADVANCE OF DEBATE ATTENDANCE

 


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JOHN McCAIN OFFICIALLY ENDORSES SELF TO IMPROVE POLLING POSITION

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NON-FRAUDULENT ACORN VOTER REGISTRATION FOUND

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OBAMA CALLS FOR MID-NOVEMBER INVESTIGATION OF ACORN VOTE FRAUD ALLEGATIONS
 

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NADER TAKES WEEK OFF TO CELEBRATE CLOSING IN ON 1% MARK' IN NATIONAL HEAD-TO-HEAD-TO-HEAD POLL
 

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HAMAS TO SERVE AS POLL WATCHERS IN JIMMY CARTER'S DISTRICT
 

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BIDEN PULLS OUT HAIR PLUG OVER FRUSTRATING INTERVIEW
 

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CONGRESS REQUESTS $500 BAILOUT FROM BANK BUYOUT BILL

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McCAIN DENIES NEED TO PULL OUT OF McCAIN CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS, FOCUS RESOURCES ELSEWHERE
 

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CBS POLL: OBAMA TRUMPS McCAIN BY DOUBLE DIGITS ON ECONOMY, NATIONAL DEFENSE, AND POW EXPERIENCE
 

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G-7 LEADERS MEET, BRAINSTORM ON STRATEGIES TO DELAY END OF WORLD
 

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OBAMA HEALTHCARE PLAN TO OFFER ASSISTED SUICIDE FOR 'THOSE WHO CAN'T HANDLE THE NATIONAL CONVERSION TO SOCIALISM'
 

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PALIN GOES NEGATIVE ON OBAMA'S MAINSTREAM INFANTICIDE POSITION
 

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PEPTO BISMOL JUMPS $1.40 TO $124 A BARREL

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SHARES OF JACK DANIELS, HANGOVER MEDS SKYROCKET

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SILLY STOCK MARKET IN POSITIVE TERRITORY AFTER ROLLERCOASTERY DAY

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MARKETS CRASH ON ROCKS AFTER CLIFF DIVE

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WILLIAM AYERS DENIES RELATIONSHIP WITH UNREPENTENT TERRORIST BARACK OBAMA

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KEITH OLBERMANN: OBAMA 'NO' VOTE REPRESENTS ANTI-AMERICAN, RACIST, HOMOPHOBIC, AND CANNIBALISTIC TENDENCIES

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50 POINT DOW DIVE PRECIPITATED BY EARLIER 45 POINT DROP

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PALIN CHIDES BIDEN FOR HECKLING McCAIN SUPPORTERS AT OBAMA RALLY

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SHARES OF OBAMA, INC. PLUMMET ON SEN. BIDEN'S PROXIMITY TO OPEN MIC

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ENRAGED SEN. OBAMA 'BROADSIDED' BY NY TIMES WRITTEN PERMISSION REQUEST TO ASK ABOUT WILLIAM AYERS IN DECEMBER
 

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THREE REMAINING JOHN EDWARDS FAN CLUB MEMBERS DEMAND FORMER SENATOR BE ASKED TO COMMENT ON STUFF
 

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SEN. BIDEN RECOGNIZED BY PASSERBY

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WILLIAM AYERS LASHES OUT AT MEDIA FOR ALLEGING 'EMBARRASSING ASSOCIATION' WITH OBAMA

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WORLD BREATHES SIGH OF RELIEF AS DOW DROPS ONLY 370 POINTS

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BAILOUT BILL TO FUND DEVELOPMENT OF NEW 'HYPERSONIC INVISI-SHIELD MODE' IN NEW PS3 GAME [EDITOR'S NOTE: MAY NOT BE SATIRE]
 

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SHARES OF 'INTEREST IN GOLF' PLUMMET ON NEWS OF DELAYED TIGER WOODS' RECOVERY
 

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TINA FEY ASKS AIG TO INSURE 'PALIN-LIKE FACIAL APPEARANCE' FOR $50 MILLION, CONTINGENT ON McCAIN ELECTORAL SUCCESS
 

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HILLARY CLINTON ASKS 2012 DEBATE FITNESS TRAINER TO INCOPORATE 'WINKS AND ALASKAN BACKWOODS VERNACULAR' IN DEBATE PREP
 

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HOPES HUNG ON O.J. DEATH SENTENCE VERDICT TO BUOY AMERICAN SPIRITS

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ATTEMPT AT HUMOR LANDS SEN. OBAMA IN HOSPITAL FOR RUPTURED SPLEEN, BROKEN COLLAR BONE, INTERNAL HEMMORAGING

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WARREN BUFFETT TO INVEST $3 BILLION IN FAILING McCAIN CAMPAIGN

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BIDEN DEBATE TRAINER REPORTS PROGRESS IN DEBATE TRAINING, CITES 'THIRTY PERCENT FEWER F-BOMBS'

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SIX FLAGS EXPECTS THRILLS, SUICIDES ON NEW COASTER 'THE DOW'

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