MAN IN HORRIBLE ACCIDENT WHILE TYPING ON CELL PHONE; ACCIDENTALLY 'REPLIED ALL' TO BOSS WITH INAPPROPRIATE EMAIL

BUSH NIXES OBAMA'S REQUEST TO WORK FROM SECOND DESK IN THE OVAL OFFICE UNTIL JAN 20

SOMALI PIRATES MANAGE TO HIJACK LAST 'Wii FIT' IN COASTAL TARGET STORE

BLOODBATH OVER Wii AVAILABILITY AT TARGET MISTAKEN FOR EUROPEAN SOCCER MATCH

35 DEAD IN WAL-MART RIOT OVER 5 A.M. BUY-1-GET-1-HALF-OFF AAA BATTERY OFFER

ROGUE WAVE ERUPTS IN STANDS DURING THANKSGIVING DAY COWBOY'S GAME; 2 DEAD, 74 INJURED

 

OBAMA TO INHERIT WARS, ECONOMIC CHAOS, AND NEGLECTED WHITE HOUSE HEDGE ROW FROM BUSH

CRAPPY DRIVE-THRU SPEAKER BLAMED FOR CUSTOMER'S ORDER OF McDONALD'S EXIT SIGN AND MEDIUM AIRCRAFT CARRIER

FEDS SUGGEST CITIZENS TAKE ADVANTAGE OF NIGERIAN GET-RICH-QUICK EMAILS

STUDY: CONSUMERS STILL REFUSING TO USE STARBUCKS' STUPID CUP SIZE NAMES

INCOMING PRESIDENT OBAMA ASKS TO BE SHOWN THE MAGIC 'FIND BIN LADEN' WAND

CONFUSED LIBERALS WONDERING WHY BUSH IS WAITING SO LONG TO REVEAL SELF AS THE ANTI-CHRIST

CONSUMERS SEEK FEDERAL ASSISTANCE ON $600 BLACKBERRY STORM COST

BUSH REQUESTS VACATION TIME 'FROM NOW UNTIL JAN 20'

NY TIMES TO LAY OFF 10,000 OBAMA CAMPAIGN WORKERS

OBAMA TO MAKE ED McMAHON CABINET-LEVEL, DOOR-TO-DOOR 'BAILOUT DISTRIBUTOR'

ASHLEE SIMPSON GIVES BIRTH TO A SPOILED CELEBRITY KID

APPLE'S NEXT iPHONE RUMORED TO BE iPHONE KILLER

AUTOMAKER CEO ADDS PALM BEACH ESTATE MORTGAGE TO BAILOUT FUNDS REQUEST

SAUDI PRINCE EMPTIES POCKET, BUYS CITIGROUP WITH CASH, 2 MARBLES AND SOME LINT

FLORIDA GOV PETITIONS CONGRESS FOR BAILOUT AFTER TEMPS DIVE BELOW BEARABLE

OBAMA DISASSOCIATES SELF FROM AL-ZAWAHRI AFTER 'HOUSE NEGROE' COMMENT

BAILOUT PLAN CHANGES AGAIN; CONGRESS TO BUY $700 BILLION WORTH OF PENNY WHISTLES AND MOON PIES

SHUTTLE CREW DROPS, LOSES SHUTTLE IGNITION KEYS IN SPACE

D.C. REQUESTS BAILOUT FUNDS FOR INAUGURATION; CALLS EVENT 'TOO BIG TO FAIL'

OBAMA TOLD HE CAN'T SEE ROSWELL ALIEN UNTIL JAN 20

7-11 TO OFFER NEW 48-HOUR ENERGY SHOTS

McCAIN OFFERS TO HELP PALIN IN 2012 IF HE'S 'STILL UP AND AROUND'

SPACE SHUTTLE CREW REPORTS ABILITY TO SEE ENORMOUS U.S. ECONOMIC PROBLEM FROM SPACE

TOWN FULL OF MOM & POP SHOPS ON EDGE AS WAL-MART TROOPS EDGE CLOSER TO BORDER

'PREOCCUPIED' OBAMA FINDS NBC OUTSIDE WINDOW HOLDING BOOMBOX

HILLARY CLINTON ACCEPTS SECRETARY OF STATE OFFER; BACKGROUND CHECKS 'CLEAN' FOR HUSBAND, MISTRESSES

RACIAL TENSIONS BROIL IN REV. WRIGHT'S CONGREGATION OVER OBAMA'S WHITE HALF

OBAMA, McCAIN MEET FACE TO FACE TO SWAP 'LOST' THEORIES

FLORIDA TEMPS PLUMMET INTO SIXTIES, STATE OF EMERGENCY DECLARED

FL STATE GOV OFFICES, PUBLIC SCHOOLS CLOSE AS TEMPS PLUMMET INTO SIXTIES

NEWLY-FOUND BEATLES SOUNDTRACK INCLUDES 'LESS MIND-NUMBINGLY HORRIBLE' YOKO ONO CONTRIBUTION

 

EXPERT: WATER GUNS SAFE FROM OBAMA'S ANTI-GUN AMBITIONS

VENUS WILLIAMS SPRAINS WRIST IN WII TENNIS MATCH

OBAMA OFFERS HILLARY CLINTON OPPORTUNITY TO MANAGE STATE DEPARTMENT'S SECOND LIFE AVATARS

PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA TRADES BASKETBALL GYM FOR 'LESS TIME-CONSUMING AND MORE COMPACT' Wii FIT

REV. WRIGHT, FARRAKHAN, AYERS, AND OPRAH UNLEASHED IN WAKE OF OBAMA WIN

RAHM EMANUEL STABS REPUBLICAN IN STOMACH, OFFERS TO MAKE 'BIPARTISAN' CALL TO 911

OBAMA FACES 'FIRST TOUGH QUESTIONS' FROM MEDIA OVER WHITE HOUSE PUPPY PREFERENCES

VICTIMS OF 2004 ASIAN TSUNAMI OFFER FINANCIAL RELIEF TO EMBATTLED U.S.

'CONGRATULATIONS PRESIDENT McCAIN' SIGNMAKING INDUSTRY SEEKS $57 BAILOUT

MINNESOTA SENATE RACE GAP NARROWS; FRANKEN FINDS 'A DOZEN OR SO' MORE VOTES MIXED IN WITH LAUNDRY

JOHN McCAIN MULLS CUSTOMARY POST-ELECTION-LOSS PROFESSORSHIP, BEARD, AND WEIGHT GAIN

REPUBLICANS CALL FOR OBAMA IMPEACHMENT, CITE 'LEFTWINGAGENDAGATE'

GOP: NEXT CANDIDATE NEEDS TO 'HARNESS THE POWER OF SOCIAL FROLICKING SITES LIKE MYFACE AND SPACEBOOK'

ECONOMISTS QUESTION WHETHER NEW WORK-FREE 'OBAMA MONTH' HOLIDAY IS GOOD FOR ECONOMY

OBAMA SPOKESINDIVIDUAL: HONEYMOON WON'T LAST BEYOND 2012

HOMELESSNESS RATE PLUMMETS ON OBAMA PRESIDENCY-ELECT

OBAMA PLEDGES TO 'STOP PESTERING IRAN LIKE BUSH DID'

'TOO GOOD TO RETIRE' OBAMA LOGO TO REPLACE 'OLD SCHOOL' PRESIDENTIAL SEAL

CUBAN GOV: 72K PEOPLE EVACUATED IN FRONT OF U.S.-CREATED HURRICANE

OBAMA TO ALLOW BUSH TO SERVE OUT TERM

McCAIN TO GRANT SIT-DOWN MEDIA INTERVIEWS 'BY HOLOGRAM ONLY'

OBAMA MULLS MICHAEL MOORE FOR 'LIAISON TO THE GOP'

OBAMA OFFERS 'CONFETTI CLEANUP OVERSIGHT' POSITION TO HILLARY CLINTON

SEAN HANNITY PRE-COMPLIES WITH FAIRNESS DOCTRINE, ATTACKS RUSH LIMBAUGH

HILLARY CLINTON GAINS EDGE OVER PALIN AND RON PAUL IN 2012 'LIKELY VOTERS' GALLUP POLL

OBAMA OFFERS PRESIDENCY TO McCAIN AFTER NATIONAL SECURITY INTELLIGENCE BRIEFING

McCAIN HITS GYM, TRAINS WITH MEDICINE BALL FOR 2012 PRIMARY RUN AGAINST PALIN

CHICKEN SHORTAGE REPORTED IN KENYA AFTER OBAMA VICTORY SLAUGHTERFEST

DOW DROPS 500 POINTS ON FAILED ECONOMIC POLICIES OF BUSH AND OBAMA

McCAIN INSISTS: 'WE'RE RIGHT WHERE WE WANT TO BE'

MILLIONS GETTING IMPATIENT ON PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA'S HANDOUTS

XANAX SHORTAGE REPORTED IN WAKE OF OBAMA TAKEOVER

McCAIN RETAINS AL GORE TO ADVISE ON ELECTION LOSS LITIGATION PROCEEDINGS

OBAMA DENIES PLANS TO MOVE INAUGURATION FROM CAPITOL TO BETHLEHEM

IOWA CALLED FOR OBAMA WITH -3% REPORTING

 

ECONOMISTS WEIGH EFFECT AS McCAIN SIGN VANDALIZERS REJOIN WORKFORCE

HAMAS MONITORING CHICAGO POLLS, FEW PROBLEMS REPORTED

INEPT McCAIN CAMPAIGN SENDING CANDIDATE TO BERKELEY, CA FOR 11TH HOUR PUSH

BIDEN SPOOKED BY QUICK SLIDE INTO SOCIALISM, VOTES FOR McCAIN

LONG LINES REPORTED AT ARMY SURPLUS AND BUNKER SUPPLY OUTLETS

BEWILDERED MINNESOTANS WARNED THAT AL FRANKEN CANDIDACY IS NOT A PRANK

McCAIN ASKS FOR $50 BILLION ELECTION DAY BAILOUT

CONFIDENT OBAMA RIPS UP RECEIPT TO GRANT PARK VICTORY STAGE, STYROFOAM COLUMNS

THOUSANDS OF VOTES FOR PAT BUCHANAN IN PALM BEACH COUNTY INDICATE POSSIBLE ELECTION PROBLEMS

McCAIN CHANGES GEARS, SAYS 'VOTE FOR ME TO DAMPEN THAT ONE'S MASSIVE MANDATE'

McCAIN HEDGES ELECTION DAY OUTCOME WITH JANUARY 20 CLUB MED RESERVATION

BODY DOUBLES SUSPECTED IN McCAIN'S '50 STATES IN 50 HOURS' PRE-ELECTION BLITZ

CAR ROLLED OVER IN ANTICIPATION OF SOME KIND OF ELECTION OUTCOME

McCAIN'S 'MAC IS BACK' BATTEL CRY DISAPPOINTS CROWDS EXPECTING FREE BIG MACS

McCAIN AIDES STRUGGLE TO CARRY CANDIDATE AND RESPIRATOR ACROSS FINISH LINE

POLICE: RIOTS FEARED IF OBAMA FAILS TO WIN RECORD LANDSLIDE

OBAMA CLARIFIES DEFINITION OF RICH AS 'THOSE EARNING MONEY PER YEAR OR MORE'

POLLS SEE POSSIBLE McCAIN WIN, OR RECORD-SETTING OBAMA BLOWOUT

McCAIN FACES HISTORIC BLOWOUT, SAYS 'WE'RE EXACTLY WHERE WE WANT TO BE'

DER SPIEGEL ENDORSES 'CONSERVATIVE' OBAMA

OBAMA PROMISES TAX CUTS FOR 'INSANELY WEALTHY' MAKING $70K OR LESS

CONFIDENT OBAMA COMMISSIONS IRAN-TO-IRAQ ROAD 'WIDE ENOUGH FOR TANKS'

OBAMA ENLISTS RACHEL MADDOW AS WORKOUT PARTNER AFTER SCHWARZENEGGER COMMENT

EARLY VOTERS TURN OUT TO CAST VOTE FOR OBAMA SPEECHES

 

 

FLORIDA EXTENDS 'EARLY VOTE RECOUNT' INTO DECEMBER