NADER PLEDGES VESPA-MADE PRESIDENTIAL LIMO IF ELECTED

MAN LOSES HOUSE AND 401K WITH ACCIDENTAL MID-GRADE SELECTION AT PUMP

REPORT: CLIMATE CHANGE DEBATE CAUSING GLOBAL WARMING

FED-UP CARIBOU TO START OWN DRILLING OPERATION IN ALASKA

VOTERS SPLIT OVER OBAMA, McCAIN, SAY DIFFICULT CHOICE 'IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE'

MARS ROVER COLLIDES WITH UPPER EDGE OF OBAMA'S EGO

GAS PRICES HOLD STEADY AT A MEASLY 35 CENTS/DAY RISE

NEW McCAIN-DEAN BILL TO DEFINE NEGATIVE CAMPAIGNING AS 'TORTURE'

McCAIN AIMS TO PUT A MAN ON MERCURY BY 2065

CLINTON SUSPENDS CAMPAIGN TO 'SUPPORT OBAMA FOR THE TIME BEING'

 

HILLARY TO BELMONT LOSER BIG BROWN: I FEEL YOUR PAIN

BLACK PASTORS LINE UP TO EMBARRASS OBAMA WITH THEIR 'ENTHUSIASTIC' SUPPORT

CLINTON TO END 3 MONTH CAMPAIGN IMPLOSION

KENYAN-BASED OBAMAS CELEBRATE BARACK'S NOMINATION WIN WITH GRUESOME CHICKEN SLAUGHTER

PAPER: OBAMA MAY BE FORCED TO HAPPILY ACCEPT CLINTON'S VP DEMAND

OBAMA OFFERS CLINTON AMBASSADORSHIP TO TRANSYLVANIA

OBAMA DENIES URGE TO ERADICATE ISRAEL

OBAMA SENDS MESSAGE TO HILLARY CLINTON, TAPS MONICA LEWINSKY AS VP

MITT ROMNEY SET TO WIN FIRST WRITE-IN PRESIDENCY

CLINTON CONCEDES RACE, PROMISES SUPPORTERS THAT SHE'S 'IN IT TO WIN IT'

BO DIDDLEY DIES FROM APPARENT OLD AGE