CHAUFFEUR ARRESTED FOR DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF TED KENNEDY'S BREATH

 

ALEC BALDWIN FAXES 'SINCERE APOLOGY' MEMORANDUM TO DAUGHTER'S PUBLICIST

 

RICHARD GERE DETAINED IN BANGLADESH FOR KISSING GERBIL

SENS. DODD AND BIDEN INTERRUPT DEMOCRATIC DEBATE WITH COMMENTS, OPINIONS

 

DEMOCRAT'S DEBATE PITS DENNIS KUCINICH AGAINST 'MORE MANLY' HILLARY CLINTON

RANDOM DRAWING FOR STAGE POSITIONS LANDS HILLARY IN OBAMA'S LAP FOR TONIGHT'S DEBATE

'SEVERANCE PACKAGE' FOR DEFECTORS FROM CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN INCLUDES BRAND-NEW PAIR OF CONCRETE SHOES

JOHN McCAIN ATTEMPTS TO BOOST POLL NUMBERS BY ANNOUNCING CANDIDACY AGAIN

CLINTON STRATEGIST TO HILLARY: PLEASE DON'T USE 'BLACK VOICE' IN DEBATE WITH OBAMA

KAZAKHSTAN'S MAYDAY DISPLAY OF TANK FAILS TO CONVINCE WORLD OF ITS SUPERPOWER STATUS

CLINTON CAMPAIGN: SENATOR PLEASED WITH RESPONSE TO 'BLACK VOICE', MAY RELEASE RAP ALBUM

GORE PLANTS RAINFOREST IN SOUTH AMERICA TO OFFSET APRIL'S ENERGY CONSUMPTION AT VACATION COTTAGE

SEN. BIDEN: BUSH'S 'STUBBORN ANTI-TERRORISM STANCE HAS EMBOLDENED THE ENEMY'

IRANIAN PRESIDENT OFFERS BUSH CHANCE TO DISCUSS ANNIHILATION OF ISRAEL 'ONE ON ONE'

HILLARY CLINTON TO YOUNG VOTERS: 'I ENJOY MY PERSONAL CHATS WITH YOU ALL BY GOOGLING TEXT MESSAGES BACK AND FORTH ON YOURTUBE.COM'

 

BARAK OBAMA: 'WE MUST BAN GUNS FROM THE HANDS OF POTENTIAL MASS MURDERERS'

SEN. REID: BUSH'S WAR AGAINST IRAN HAS BEEN LOST

SEN. OBAMA RUBS SHOULDERS WITH REV. SHARPTON, TACKS TO THE BLACK TO WOO MINORITY VOTE

MICHAEL MOORE TO SHERYL CROW: 'IS USING JUST ONE SQUARE OF MY CUSTOM TABLE CLOTH SIZED TOILET PAPER OK?'

SHERYL CROW ASKS ROVE TO PONDER GOV AGENCY TO REGULATE TOILET PAPER USE

SEN. CLINTON: LONG-LOST AFRICAN UNCLE IS REASON FOR '

ALEC BALDWIN TO DAUGHTER: 'I DON'T GIVE A DAMN THAT YOU'RE 12 YEARS OLD OR 5 YEARS OLD OR WHATEVER, I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON'

BREAKING: CHO'S GUN PURCHASE DID NOT INCLUDE PLEDGE TO NOT USE WEAPON IN MASS MURDERS

ALEC BALDWIN'S DAUGHTER ASKS WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM OFFICER TO 'DOUBLE UP ON SECURITY'

HILLARY TURNS TO HUMAN PERSONALITY HORMONE TREATMENTS TO BOLSTER POLL NUMBERS

CLINTONS RECORD FOURTH CONSECUTIVE SCANDAL-FREE MONTH

SANJAYA'S RULE OF TERROR ENDS ON AMERICAN IDOL

 

FOX'S AMERICAN IDOL DEBUTS NEW, FATTER PAULA

 

ANTICIPATION MOUNTS AS JOHN McCAIN ANNOUNCES DATE AND TIME HE'LL DECLARE WHITE HOUSE RUN

 

IRAN'S AMADINEJAD OFFERS CONDOLENCES TO VIRGINIA TECH, PLEGES ANNIHILATION OF ISRAEL

EXXON MOBIL CHAIRMAN RAISES EYEBROWS AFTER OFFER TO PERSONALLY FUND IRAQ WAR

NEW CAUTIOUS STANCE TOWARDS 'ODD-ACTING AND WEIRD' INDIVIDUALS LANDS HOWARD DEAN IN UNEMPLOYMENT LINE

NY TIMES: GUNS KILL 30+ PEOPLE AT VIRGINIA TECH

JOHN EDWARDS DEFENDS PRICEY HAIRCUT: SAYS $100 OF $400 TOTAL WAS 'A TIP FOR THE POOR STYLIST AT MY BOUTIQUE'

BUSH BURIED UNDER BLAME FOR HOUSING MARKET COLLAPSE, RISING GAS PRICES, AND VIRGINIA TECH SHOOTINGS

AL QAEDA HR SPOKESMAN: MONSTER.COM AD NETTED 200 TERROR RECRUITS

 

RAPPER EMINEM APOLOGIZES FOR 'VIOLENT, IMUSESQUE LYRICS'

PETA BLASTS CHENEY FOR AIRCRAFT ATTACK ON BIRD

AL SHARPTON: 'THE COUNTRY WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT A STREAM OF HATE SPEECH ON THE RUSH LIMBAUGH, I MEAN DON IMUS SHOW EACH DAY'

 

IMUS MEETS SECRETLY WITH RUTGERS HOS, REQUESTS JOB IN COLLEGE'S ATHLETICS DEPARTMENT

 

CBS RADIO TO IMPLEMENT 7 SECOND DELAY ON IMUS PROGRAM TO PREVENT 'MOUTH MALFUNCTIONS'

AL SHARPTON: RAP LYRICS ARE 'MISUNDERSTOOD BY YOU PEOPLE'

IMUS TO MEET RUTGERS GIRLS AT CHENEY'S UNDISCLOSED LOCATION FOR HIGH LEVEL GROVELING

HOWARD STERN TO 'TURN UP THE SMUT' TO COMPETE WITH IMUS' MEDIA COVERAGE

SEN. OBAMA OFFERS HILLARY CLINTON OPPORTUNITY TO SPEARHEAD 'OVAL OFFICE INTERN FIREWALL' FOR HIS ADMINISTRATION

 

AL SHARPTON CALLS DON IMUS 'AN OVERWEIGHT RACIST BLACK FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE'

HILLARY CLINTON 'CONCERNED' ABOUT CHELSEA CLINTON DONATION TO OBAMA CAMPAIGN

IRAQ GENERAL: DEMOCRATS' SURGE AGAINST VICTORY IS WORKING AS PLANNED

DENNIS KUCINICH FOR PRESIDENT WEBSITE GETS FIRST HIT

REUTERS REPORTER THINKS HIS ABILITY TO PRONOUCE COMPLEX MUSLIM NAMES MAKES HIM BETTER THAN VIEWERS

MADONNA PLEDGES TO HAVE GEM COLLECTION 'AT LEAST 50% BLOOD DIAMOND FREE BY 2012'

IRAN TO U.N. NUCLEAR COMMISSION: WE'LL HAVE NUKE BY NEXT WEDNESDAY OR THURSDAY

 

HILLARY FUNDRAISING RECORD RIVALS GORE'S BUDDHIST TEMPLE WINDFALL

SKELETAL REMAINS OF MODERN MAN FOUND IN TED KENNEDY'S CARBON FOOTPRINT

BRITS TO IRAN: 'FINE, WE WERE IN YOUR STUPID LITTLE WATERS'

SEN. KENNEDY CELEBRATES 4TH CONSECUTIVE DAY OF SOBRIETY