TODDLER CHE GUEVARA ADMIRERS SNAPPING UP 'FASHIONABLE' CHE BIBS

POPE'S RELATIVES ALREADY QUARRELLING OVER POPEMOBILE INHERITANCE

THREAT OF 'MUTUALLY ASSURED DISSATISFACTION' LOOMS FOR J-LO AND LATEST HUSBAND

POPE STILL CLINGING TO LEADERSHIP OF WORLDWIDE CATHOLIC CHURCH DESPITE INABILITY TO TALK, SEE, BREATHE, LEAD

 

WILLIE NELSON BLAMES POOR RECORD SALES ON POOR DENNIS KUCINICH

AL GORE LEAVES UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA PROFESSORSHIP TO MANAGE BLUTH'S FROZEN BANANA STAND

DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION SECURITY COUNCIL TO PONDER PUNISHMENT FOR RUBBER BAND WEAPON BOY

WARD CHURCHILL TO LEAD 'PEACE PARADE' CALLING FOR THERMONUCLEAR ANNIHILATION OF THE WORLD

IRAN, NORTH KOREA AGREE U.S., RUSSIA SHOULD NOT HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS

VATICAN ISSUES DECREE BANNING POPE JOKES 'UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE'

EXTRATERRESTRIALS RELISH 'MAINSTREAM MEDIA ATTENTION' AFTER PETER JENNINGS UFO SPECIAL

DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION SECURITY COUNCIL TO VOTE ON PUNISHMENT FOR RUBBER BAND WEAPON BOY

VATICAN ISSUES DECREE BANNING POPE JOKES 'UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE'

AMERICANS DISTRAUGHT, PANIC-STRICKEN OVER QUEEN'S DECISION TO NOT ATTEND CHARLES' WEDDING

IRAN, NORTH KOREA AGREE U.S., RUSSIA SHOULD NOT HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS

AMERICANS DISTRAUGHT, PANIC-STRICKENED OVER QUEEN'S DECISION TO NOT ATTEND PRINCE CHARLES' WEDDING

REMBRANDT'S LAZY EYE DISCOVERY THREATENS TO DEVALUE PREVIOUSLY PRICELESS ART

'AIR AMERICA' SOUNDBOARD GUY GETS RAISE: PACKET OF KETCHUP ADDED TO BI-WEEKLY REAM OF PRINTER PAPER

NASA ORGASMS AT DISCOVERY OF MOLECULAR-SIZED LIFEFORM IN FOOTPRINT ON MARS

TSUNAMI AID TOUR CLIMAXES IN CLINTON BOOK SIGNING EVENT

FIDEL CASTRO EMBARKS ON 'FENCE MENDING TRIP' TO U.S., CUBA

MISSILE DEFENSE SYSTEM CONSIDERED FOR FLORIDA COAST AS THREAT FROM BAHAMAS LOOMS

'TOM DASCHLE' REMOVED FROM OFFICIAL COMPILATION OF HOUSEHOLD NAMES

MOTEL 6 'NEAR' VEGAS STRIP LOSES BID TO HOST NEW CIRQUE DU SOLEIL SHOW

GORE, KERRY LAMENT LACK OF ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS ON THEIR LIVES

CANSECO FINGERS SEN. KENNEDY FOR INJECTING 'UNGODLY AMOUNTS OF NOURISHMENT'

RUSH LIMBAUGH KEEPS EGO IN CHECK DURING TROOP VISIT

MALE DEMOCRAT SENATORS HILLARY CLINTON AND JOHN MCCAIN TRAVEL TO IRAQ

BUSH SECRETLY TAPES CBS EVENING NEWS, THREATENS TO 'SHOW IT TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE'

'OBSCENE HOME MAKEOVER' BUILDS $20 MILLION MEGAMANSION FOR FORMER DOT-COM MILLIONAIRE

FOUL-MOUTHED COMEDIAN CHRIS ROCK BRACES FOR 'F-WORD' BARRAGE FROM OSCAR CROWD

JEFF GORDON WIN OVER DALE JR. AT DAYTONA 500 THREATENS TO RE-IGNITE TENSIONS BETWEEN HATFIELDS AND McCOYS

NHL HOCKEY SEASON REPORTEDLY 'UNDER WAY' BEFORE BEING CANCELED

EXPERT: IRAN 1 YEAR, 4 MONTHS, 13 DAYS, 4 HOURS AWAY FROM FIRST NUCLEAR BOMB

WHACKO JACKO TRIAL: BUBBLES THE CHIMP CALLED TO 'VOUCH FOR MICHAEL'S NORMALITY'

INTERNAL DNC PANEL ENDS ELECTION INVESTIGATION, BLAMES KERRY LOSS ON BUSH

REALITY RESEMBLES SATIRE: BILL CLINTON WINS GRAMMY FOR READING HIS OWN BOOK OUT LOUD

REALITY RESEMBLES SATIRE: BILL CLINTON WINS GRAMMY FOR READING HIS OWN BOOK OUT LOUD

PRINCE CHARLES' MARRIAGE TO LONG-TIME LIVE-IN FORNICATOR SET TO ROCK ENGLISH TABLOID INDUSTRY

PRINCE CHARLES WEDDING THREATENS TO SEND ENGLAND INTO 'FRENZIED STATE OF TABLOIDING'

INTERNAL DNC PANEL ENDS ELECTION INVESTIGATION, BLAMES KERRY LOSS ON BUSH

PRINCE CHARLES WEDDING THREATENS TO SEND ENGLAND INTO 'TABLOID EXPLOSION'

COREY FELDMAN CHARGED WITH MOLESTING MICHAEL JACKSON

PALESTINIAN SUICIDE BOMBERS REJECT ABBAS CEASE-FIRE OFFER

STATE OF UNION: DEMOCRATS SUPPRESS 'TRUE COLORS' BY FORCING SELVES TO STAND, APPLAUD

CAPTIVE TOY SOLDIER'S BROTHER TO SIT WITH LAURA BUSH AT STATE OF UNION

DEMOCRATS BLAME BUSH FOR STATE OF UNION SPEECH

PAT CADDELL: 'THE CAPTURE OF HOWARD DEAN WILL MAKE THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY SAFER'