KERRY BEATS REDSKINS 28-14, BUSH WILL CONTEST GAME RESULT FOR A MONTH OR SO

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VOTER FRAUD ALLEGED IN ELECTIONS 2004, 2008
 
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DEMOCRATS CONCERNED ABOUT 'POLL WORKERS MILLING AROUND', CLAIM 'INTIMIDATION'

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EXCITEMENT AS NADER JUMPS TO "-1%"

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'LACK OF SHOWERS WITH SOAP' BLAMED FOR ARAFAT 'ILLNESS'

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BIN LADEN SENT TO HAWAII FOR LAST MINUTE SCARE-OUT-THE-VOTE EFFORT

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JOHN MCENROE STILL ON CNBC FOR SOME REASON
 
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EMINEM CLAIMS HARASSMENT AT EARLY-VOTE POLL 'BECAUSE I'M BLACK'

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NY TIMES BREAKING: BUSH HAD DUI IN 1976

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NY TIMES: 'TONS OF CREDIBILITY VANISHED FROM OUR PAPER'
 
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JIMMY CARTER IN CRITICAL CONDITION OVER CONCERN ABOUT ARAFAT'S HEALTH
 
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OUNCES OF VIETNAM-ERA INJURY REPORTS 'VANISH' FROM KERRY CAMPAIGN BUNKER

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MICHAEL MOORE: ABC TERROR WARNING VIDEO PROVES THERE IS NO TERROR THREAT

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WAL-MART ADMITTED TO U.N., MAY PETITION FOR SEAT ON SECURITY COUNCIL
 
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BREAKING FROM NY TIMES: LIST OF FAILURES IN FIRST 100 DAYS OF 2ND BUSH TERM
 
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'OCTOBER SURPRISE': SEN. JOHN KERRY MAY POSSIBLY BE ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
 
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KERRY SHOWCASES FAITH, SLEIGHT-OF-HAND ILLUSIONS IN SOUTH FLORIDA
 
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CROWD OF SPECTATOR APPLAUDS TESTOSTERONEY CHER/ROSIE SHOW
 
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KERRY LANDS COMMANDING STRAW POLL VICTORY IN DARK UNDERBELLY OF NEW YORK'S SEEDY NIGHT SCENE
 
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'REALLY TAN' WHITE GUY ACCIDENTALLY DENIED RIGHT TO VOTE IN FLORIDA
 
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KERRY IN BLACK CHURCH: DECRIES GOP 'POLL BOUNCERS' AND 'WHITE PEOPLE MUSIC'
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TED KENNEDY OFFER TO DONATE LIVER REJECTED BY LIVER DONATION ORG
 
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ENTREPENEUR MARY-KATE OLSEN RUMORED RELAPSE SHAKES WORLD FINANCIAL MARKETS
 
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10.22.04 :: KERRY/EDWARDS TRANSITION TEAM TO ANNOUNCE CABINET... DETAILS TO COME...
 
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THIRD TRIMESTER PREGNANT CHAD PROMPTS CONCERN IN FLORIDA EARLY VOTE
 
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BLACK PERSON ALLOWED TO VOTE IN REPUBLICAN STRONGHOLD OF ELMHURST
 
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KERRY DENIES BARE-HANDED BOAR HUNT TODAY IS ATTEMPT TO PROVE 'MANLINESS'
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CHARGE: JIMMY CARTER ATTEMPTING TO STIFLE WHITE VOTE
 
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WHITE HOUSE SERVANT STAFF ENDORSES BUSH - DEVELOPING...
 
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$1000 FINE FOR DANNY RAMIREZ DIME BAG DEAL IN DUGOUT

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TERESA HEINZ: 'IF MY YEARS EMPLOYED AS AN HEIRESS HAS TAUGHT ME ANYTHING, IT'S THAT BEING A TEACHER OR A LIBRARIAN IS NOT A REAL JOB'
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HIGH TIMES MAG PROMOTES 'SPAM-FOR-DATES' STRATEGY FOR EMAIL-ENABLED LOSERS
 
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KERRY: 'NUKE NUISANCE' DOES EXIST
 
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Putin, a Big Important World Leader, Endorses Bush

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Red Sox Fans Still Laughing About Kerry Pitch

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Man of Faith' Kerry Showcases 'Religious' Side by Appearing in 'Church' With 'Reverend' Jackson

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American League Playoffs: Hideki Matsui Leads Boston Red Sox 3-0

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Kerry: "I Never Said Bush 'Lied', Just That He Has Mislead Us, Not Told the Truth, and Lied to Us"

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Procrastinating Undecideds Nervous About Forthcoming Global Test

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Kerry/O'Reilly Debate Plans Stymied by O'Reilly Phone Sex Habit

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Recovering Bill Clinton Reportedly 'Not Happy' With All Male Nurse Staff

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Presidential Debate Pre-empted for Yankee Coverage

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Bill O'Reilly is a Crazy Sex Fiend: Charge

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Some Rock & Roll Guy to Deliver Major Foreign Policy Speech from Stage Tonight

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Kerry: 'I'm Fascinated by Gansta Rap'

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Kerry Suggests 'Sin Tax' for Terrorism, Like Gambling and Prostitution

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Bush Opposition to Federal Funding for Stem Cell Research Blamed of Course

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People Mag Wins Debate With Entertainment Weekly Over Britney Spears Wedding Legitimacy

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Kerry Plans to Release New Plan

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Kerry Has Plans

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Bush/Laura Leading Kerry/Teresa in Polls by Wide Margin

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Peaceful Protesters Ransack GOP Headquarters in Orlando

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Kerry and Edwards Leave Many Republicans Missing 'More Tolerable' Democrats, Like Clinton and Gore

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Edwards' Debate Slip: Former Ambulance-Chaser Addresses Moderator as 'Your Honor'

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Bill O'Reilly Steps Out of 'No Spin Zone' Into BS Hallway, Says He Is Undecided Between Bush, Kerry

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Edwards Brushing Up on Haliburton Stuff for Debate With Cheney

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Kerry Calls Sean Hannity Radio Program, Says 'Nuh Uh'

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Debate Aftermath: Bush 'Looked Tired' After 12 Hours of Consoling Hurricane Victims; Kerry Surprisingly Refreshed, Energetic After Nap, Manicure

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Kerry Erupts as Mt. Saint Helens Blows Him Off Front Page of Newspapers

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Tan Technicians Reportedly Asked Kerry to 'Not Disrobe' at Orange Spray Painting Session

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Bush Complains About Orange Glow From Senator Kerry's Lectern Area

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Kerry 'In Seclusion' Prepping for Debate Makeup

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Kerry Ducks Gore Endorsement Offer by Letting Answering Machine Pick Up

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Too Close For Comfort: Asteroid to 'Brush Past' Earth With Only 50 Million Mile Buffer

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REPORT: ELECTION MAY HINGE ON SWING CANDIDATE KERRY
 
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KERRY SLIPS WITH CABINET PREVIEW: 'IT'S A BUNCH OF PEOPLE YOU'LL HATE'
 
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Bush: Kennedy Leaves Americans More Vulnerable to Obesity

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Bush: Kennedy Leaves Americans More Vulnerable to Obesity

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Leak: Hugo Chavez Thank You Basket to Jimmy Carter Included Fruit, Potpourri, Friendship Locket

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Bush Criticized for Anticipated Damage From Approaching Hurricane

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7-11 Clerk's Write-In Candidacy Gaining Ground on Kerry

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Poll: Women Concerned About Safety Lean Toward Bush, Away From Ugly Kerry

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John Kerry Stands by His Iraq Stances

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Cat Stevens Travels Back to His Lair

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Spybot and Adaware Run Successfully on IRS Computers; Defragmenting to Begin Tomorrow

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Teresa Heinz Says Her Husband is a 'Scumbag and a Loose Cannon'

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John Edwards Found Alive

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Heinz Endowment Hires Well-Endowed Heinz Spokeswoman

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Change Retrieved From Seat Cushions at Emmys to be Used to Pay Down National Debt

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CBS Loses Favored 'Single Digit Channel' Status, Moved to Channel 14

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Teachers' Lounge Used to Teach Children About Clouds

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FoxNews Memo Detailing CBS Bias Being Examined by Experts for Authenticity, Fairness

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Bobby Brown Not Arrested Today

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Democrats Answer Kerry Likeabillity Poll Numbers: 'We Do Love John Kerry For His Ability to Attack Bush'

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Democrats Answer Kerry Likeabillity Poll Numbers: 'We Do Love John Kerry For His Ability to Attack Bush'

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Kerry Invites Press Along for Solo Climb to Top of Some Mountain

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Kerry Says 'No' to Dukakis Offer of Joint Photo Op in Tank

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Mystery Bidder 'THEINZK' Continues to Win Pricey eBay Auctions for Kerry's 'The New Soldier'

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Kucinich Supporters for Kerry Call for Peaceful End to Campaign In-fighting

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Conservative Republican Senator Zell Miller (D-GA) Gets It

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State Dept: Mushroom Cloud of Hot Air in North Korea May Be Result of Jimmy Carter Presence

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Palm Beach Democrats Wondering Why Some Floridians Are Installing 'Window Glass Made Out of Plywood'

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Kerry Delivers Major Policy Speech to Policy Speechmaking Majors

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New Energy Drink Reportedly Turns Consumers Into Their Choice of Pro Athlete or Rap Star

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After Hurricane Frances, Floridians Eager to Get Power Back For TV News About Hurricane Ivan, Next Swift Boat Ad

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Confusing Slowdown in Florida Mobile Homes Perplexes Palm Beach County Democrats

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Clintons Offer Gang of Their Henchmen to 'Help' Kerry Campaign

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Leak: Planned October Surprise May Include Nude Spread of Teresa Kerry-Heinz in National Publication

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Bush Combats Kerry's 'W Stands for Wrong' Line, Says 'JFK Stands for Just Friggin' Krazy'

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CNNGALLUP Poll: Bush Ticket Leads Liberal Media Attack Machine by 11 Points

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Sen. Edwards Mulling Run for Presidency in '04

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FL Weathermen Hope to Dissuade Destructive Path of Ivan, Declare Early End to Hurricane Season

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Panel: Bush Mislead Country When He Called Sen. Kennedy 'A Good Man'

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Delta Pilot Breaches Security: Reaches Cockpit With Nail Clippers in Pocket

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Florida GOP Fears Loss of FoxNews Cable Broadcasts in Wake of Hurricane Frances

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David Copperfield Saws Assistant in Half; Funeral to be Held Tuesday

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Bush Praises 'Honorable Service' of Swift Boat Veterans' Ad Company

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Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Not Dead Yet

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Kerry Asks GOP to Remove Ads That Attack Moveon.org Attack Ads

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Barney Frank Finds Knight in Shining Leisure Suit

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Shrill Early Warning Signal Screech Beats Al Franken's Air America Show in Ratings

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Bob Graham to Publish Encyclopedia Britannica - Sized 'Diary Memoirs'

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Shocker: Swift Boat Veterans for Truth Not Financed By Pro-Kerry Sources!

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Swift Boat Veterans for Nader Tied to Bush Through Anti-Kerry Group Financed by Org Opposing George Soros

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Republicans Asked Not to Gloat as American Economy Improving Again

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Voting Assistance to be Provided for Handicapped, Vision-Impaired, and Democrats

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Iraqi Prime Minister Still Alive

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CNN Claims 'Unfair & Unbalanced' Charge is 'Only Half Right'

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Kerry Denounces 'Right-Wing Attack Machine' for Calling Him 'a Democrat'

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Kerry Denounces 'Right-Wing Attack Machine' for Calling Him 'a Democrat'

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Florida Officials: Approaching Hurricanes May Overshadow Voting Problems

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Kerry Flip-Flops on Skull & Bones Pledge: Criticizes Fellow Bonesman Porter Goss for Stuff

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Donald Trump Files Chapter 11, Will Temporarily Move Into Mike Tyson's YMCA Locker to Save Money

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Kerry to Introduce Another Version of Self in Major Policy Speech Friday

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1968 Buick Electra Introduced to Cuba

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Kerry & Edwards on Waiting List for Newfangled Hybrid Electric-Powered Mansions

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Unsatisfied With Bounce From Kerry's Convention, Bush Issues New Terror Warning

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Unsatisfied With Bounce From Kerry's Convention, Bush Issues New Terror Warning

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Left-Wing Opinion Personality Bill O'Reilly to Release Memoirs About Right-Wing Past

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Howard Dean Questions 'Timing' of Bush Morning Workout

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Kerry's Butler in Hot Water for PB&J Mishap

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Teresa Heinz Tells Wealthy Heiress Near Husband to 'Shove It'

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Irresponsible Python Owner Found in Python

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Leak: Kerry's 'Top Secret Iraq Plan' Includes Carteresque Return to Normalcy

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Some Democrat Convention Delegates Caim 'Dis-enfranchisement' by Presence of American Flags

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Threat Level Raised at Taco Bell HQ on Elm St.

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Threat Level Raised at Taco Bell HQ on Elm St.

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Teresa Heinz Busy Working on Addition of English to Her Foreign Language Arsenal

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Visuals of Kerry Lip-Locked With Dying Hampster Ruined Speech for Many

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Balloon Guy Asks Kerry to Open for Him Again at Next Gig

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Bush May Announce bin Laden Capture During Tonight's Speech About Kerry's Vietnam Service

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Confused Delegate Thinks Edwards Worked for a Millworker in Vietnam

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Kerry to Come Clean About Relationship With Edwards in Tonight's Speech

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Al Sharpton Tacks Farther to the Left With Speech to Solidify Whacko Vote for Kerry

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Barak Obama Tired of Right Wingers Referring to Him as 'Barak Osama', After Infamous Terrorist Osama bin al-Zawattaheiri

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Ron Reagan Jr. Delivers 'Non'-Political Speech Politicizing Stem Cell Funding and Begging for Kerry Votes

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'Unexpected' Cable Audio Outages Expected in Red States Tonight During Teresa Heinz Speech

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Ted Kennedy Adds to 'No Bush Bashing' Fatwa: Fat Sen. Calls For Conventiongoers to Tone Down 'Chappaquiddick Rhetoric' in Hallways

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Thousands of Military Police Armed With Teargas and Machine Guns Struggle to Keep 'Peace' Protesters at Bay

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Kerry Handlers Scrambled for Off Button as Teresa Heinz Wandered Dangerously Close to Microphone

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Clinton Decides to Allow Kerry to Speak at Convention

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America to Stop Inviting Terror Attacks by Ridding Itself of Wealth, Women

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9-11 Commission Recommends End to Future Terror Attacks

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Larry King is Still Alive

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9-11 Commission: Proof that 9-11 Could Have Been Prevented May be in Sandy Berger's Sock Drawer

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Timing of Media's Inaction Questioned in Berger Probe

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NY Times Stuffs Berger Doc Theft Coverage in its Pants 'Inadvertently' and 'Sloppily'

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Lance Armstrong Retakes Lead in Tour de France; Race Nearing Finish With Only 612 Days to go

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Court: Donations to NPR Qualify as Contributions to Kerry/Edwards Campaign

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Presidential 'Candidate' Dennis Kucinich Mistakes Cough From Back of Room for Applause

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Kerry Rejects Al Gore's Suggestion to Talk About Lock Boxes in Debates

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Woody Allen & Daughter Celebrate 12th Wedding Anniversary

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Kerry-Edwards Union Jeopardized by Talk of Ban on Gay Marriage

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Kucinich Camaign Event Attended by Tumbleweed, Silence

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Disenfranchised Democrats Claim DNC.org Website is 'Too Confusing', Should be Paper-Based

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Study: Only The Rich Can Afford Voting Lessons

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'60 Minutes' Plugs Kerry-Edwards Ticket During Investigative Report on 1 Hour Film Processing

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Kucinich Claims 'Bump' From Slowdown in Supporters Leaving Campaign

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Bush Declines Invite to Speak at 'French Coalition for a Bush-Free America' Event

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John Kerry Claims Service in Vietnam, Medals

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Poll Knocks Wind Out of GOP Sails: Most Democrats Lean Toward Kerry/Edwards Ticket

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Leak: Edwards Added to Kerry Ticket to Win South for Bush

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Senate Intelligence Committee Exonerates Bush, Says Prez Didn't 'Lie', but Clinton's CIA Did

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Americans Still Trying to Figure Out What Teresa Heinz Said the Other Day

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Edwards Changes Stump Speech to 'Three Americas' in Order to Include Size of Kerry Fortune

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Leak: Edwards First Choice for Democratic Presidential Nominee Was John McCain

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Pro-Choice Kerry Disagrees With Abortion Today

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Al Sharpton Re-Enters Presidential Race, Cites 'Lack of Color, Grownups' on Democratic Ticket

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Dick Gephardt Claims NY Post Headline Error is Legally Binding, Asks Edwards to 'Step Aside'

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No Longer Waiting by the Phone, Bob Graham Returns to Diary

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Bush Admin Mulls Plans to Install Pro-American Democracy in Hollywood

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Democrats Make Headway Against U.S. in War on Terror

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Racist Bill Cosby Dares to Warn Parents Against Letting Rap Music CDs Raise Their Children

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U.S. Calls on U.N. to Monitor U.N.

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From Prison Cell, Iraqi Information Officer Insists 'Infidel Coalition Forces Have All Been Defeated'

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Documentary Box Office Record Previously Set By 'Fahrenheit 9-11' Broken By 'Scooby Doo III'

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Prison Guards Crack Up As Saddam Insists He's 'Still President of Iraq'

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Gore Offers 'Charisma Tips' To Kerry

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Cheney Hands Presidential Power Back to Bush Under Cover of Darkness

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Homeless Shelter Offers Inadequate Training Facilities For Mike Tyson's Upcoming Fight; Sparring With Fellow Bagpeople Becoming 'A Problem'

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Saudi Arabia Offers Amnesty to Hotel Towel Thieves: Punishment for Returning 'Borrowed' Towels by July 2 Will Be Simple Behanding, Not Beheading

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Coalition Officials Mock Excitedly Ignorant Saddam, Pretnd to Hand Sovereignty Back to Him

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New Film 'The Day After Fahrenheit 9-11' Depicts Michael Moore Burning To Death In Global Cooling Catastrophe

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Illegal Aliens Take Advantage of New Water Stations, ATMs During Border Crossings

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CNN Interviewer Rocks Michael Moore With Hardball Question: 'Why Do You Hide Your Cute Fat Face With That Sexy And Scraggly Beard?'

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Special Baby Einstein video produced for Remaining Kucinich Supporters; Baby Idiot to be Released in September

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BREAKING: WMD Find Found Buried Deep in Classifieds Section of New York Times

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Poll: Most Agree With Cheney's Petitioning of Sen. Leahy to "F-Off"

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Clinton Making Millions From Idiots Buying His Memoirs For Ceremonial Book Burnings

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Teresa Heinz's Likeability Ratings Rival Jimmy Carter Economic Figures

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Threat to Kidnap and Behead Michael Moore Greeted By Applause, Encouragement, and Financing Offers

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NASA Cuts Brake Lines on Newfangled Commercial Space Ship

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Independent Counsel to Investigate Clinton Book 'Because It Can'

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New York Times Book Reviewer Sleeping on Clinton's Couch

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Kucinich Takes Extended Lunch Break to Write His Memoirs

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Continually Absent From Leaderboard, Tiger Woods Pressed By Nike Execs to Try New Trainer, Nike-Brand Tees, Divorce

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Kerry Claims New Bush Ad 'Hurt His Feelings', Demands Fourth Purple Heart

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Leak: Saucy, Cheeky Teresa Heinz and Hot, Sexy Hillary Rodham to Shock Boston Convention With Madonna-Inspired Lip Lock

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'Sexy' and 'Saucy' Teresa Heinz Claims 'Cheeky' Reference Was to Husband's Botoxed Face

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Fist-Sized Fetal Formation Excercises Right to Choose, Opts Out of Abortion Death, Chooses Birth

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Kerry Battles Bill Clinton Portrait, Chelsea Clinton Makeover for Media Coverage

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Pentagon Argues Michael Moore - Al Queda Connection Reason Enough to Topple Fat Film Fabricator

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Bush Executive Order Makes Nov. 3, 2004 'National Day of Mourning" Should Kerry Win Election

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Media Poll: Conservatives Being Edged Out of Mainstream by More 'Common-Sensed' Left-Wingers

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Reagan Criticized for 'Attempting to Silence' Abu Graib Prison Scandal Coverage With Death

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Woman Worth Twice As Much As Teresa Heinz Catches John Kerry's Eye at Reagan Funeral

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Ted Kennedy Over Morning Carb Limit; Obese Senator Ordered by Concerned Doctor to Settle for Bacon-Wrapped Steak for Lunch

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50 Year Harvard Study Reveals Shock: Men, Women Are Different

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Kucinich Suspends Campaigning to Get Oil Change

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U.S. Threatens to Outsource Massachussetts to India

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Move Afoot in Congress to Put Reagan on $10 Bill Challenged by Kerry Camp; Request Submitted to Put Kerry's Face on Vertically-Formatted $20

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France, Germany Snub G8 Summit, Will Form G2, Meet in Put Down the Street

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Study: Most 'Reagan Democrats' Are Now 'Limbaugh Republicans'

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Gerhard Schroeder Continues to Uncomfortably Celebrate Defeat of Germany at Another D-Day Ceremony

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Smarty Jones Says Expectations are "Unfair", Cites $10,000 Winning Bet Pays $7

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Reagan Health Failing; Democrats Claim GOP is Politically Timing a Debate on How Republicans Won the Cold War

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Bank Holding Fourth Mortgage on Kucinich Home Nixes Request by 'Candidate' to Pawn Property in Order to Raise Campaign Cash

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Bank Holding Fourth Mortgage on Kucinich Home Nixes Request by 'Candidate' to Pawn Property in Order to Raise Campaign Cash

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Al Gore Claims His Ubiquitous Sweat Stains are 'Hard Proof' of Global Warming

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Giant Publishers Clearing House Check Stuck in Bank Processing Machine

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Giant Publishers Clearing House Check Stuck in Bank Processing Machine

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FBI Calms Public: Says Terrorist Theft of Propane Tankers is 'Not Linked to Terrorism'

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Killer Whale Murders Peaceful Seal as Environmentalist Whackos Look on in Horror, Denial

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Bush Consults With Secret Group of Skull & Bones Neocon Foreign Policy-Influencing Oil Buddies Again

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Shares of Met Life in Toilet After Company Agrees to Insure New Iraqi President

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Shares of Met Life in Toilet After Company Agrees to Insure New Iraqi President

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'Snow Tomorrow' Weather Forecast in Alaska Freaks Out Enviromentalist Intellectuals

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'Snow Tomorrow' Weather Forecast in Alaska Freaks Out Enviromentalist Intellectuals

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Trailing in Polls, Kucinich Claims 'Secret Foreign Admirers Also'

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Butler for Sen. Kerry's Gulfstream V Jet Insists Candidate is 'Just Like Any Regular Guy'

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Kofi Annan Nixes John Kerry's Request to 'Skip Broccoli, Go Out and Play'

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Butler for Sen. Kerry's Gulfstream V Jet Insists Candidate is 'Just Like Any Regular Guy'

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Kofi Annan Nixes John Kerry's Request to 'Skip Broccoli, Go Out and Play'

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Terror Specifics Clarified by FBI: Terror Threat to America is Sen. Kerry

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Maximum Mullet Limit Reached at Local Wal-Mart

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Democrat John McCain Tapped By Hillary For Kerry's VP

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Occupation of America by WalMart Concerns Pentagon

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Hollywooders in France Hand Michael Moore's Anti-Bush Film 'Surprise' Award

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Madeline Albright's Life-Size American Bald Eagle Brooch Proves Her Patriotism

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Gas-Through-The-Mail Being Bid to $1.50/gallon in eBay Auctions

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France Still Lagging Third-World Countries in Indoor Plumbing

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Kweisi Mfume to Cosby: 'What'chu went and done said dat fer?'

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Madonna's 'I'm Still a Whore' Tour Begins With a Bang

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Unflattering New York Times' Book Review Hurting Bible Sales

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Hans Blix to Pose Nude for Underground Muqtada al-Sadr Insurgency Newsletter

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9-11 Commission Democrats Accuse Guliani of 'Ineptitude' on 9-11; Gov. Kean Denies Hearing was Dry-Run of SNL Skit

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Jane Fonda Complains "Hanoi John" References to Kerry are Tarnishing Her Image

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Peter Jennings: Nuclear Explosion in Falujah Today was 'Pretty Small' and was Leftover From 'Old Regime'; Search Still on for WMD 'Smoking Gun'

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New Chrome Spinning Rims Make Owner of $700 Car Look Like a High - Rolling Celebrity

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Leak: Kerry Speechwriter Scrubs 'Mark of the Beast ID System Proposal' From Campaign Speech

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Hillary Clinton Busy Penning Sequel to Dick Morris Best Seller 'Rewriting History'

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Explosion of Jobs Stifling Jobless Economic Recovery

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Dennis Kucinich Awarded Honorary 'Survivor' Win by CBS

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Rumsfeld on Charges That He Approved Interrogation Methods: 'I Only Acted on Directives From My Neocon Puppet Masters'

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Afghanistan Prisoner Abuse Allegations Provide Networks With Windfall for Sweeps Week

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Photo of Cigar - Smoking Clinton Axed For X-Prez Book Cover

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Now That They're Popular, Bono Stops Wearing Ugly Sunglasses

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Now That They're Popular, Bono Stops Wearing Ugly Sunglasses

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More Space Found on Home Shopping Network for Additional Coverage of Iraqi Prisoner Scandal

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Poll: Milwaukee Residents Drinking at Bars Less, Move to Pubs

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Defense Secretary Rumsfeld Petitions Drunkard Ted Kennedy to Step Down Over Chappaquidick Mess

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Islamic Clerics Argue Mosque Voucher Program Will Offer Freedom of Choice, Better Educated Suicide Bombers

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Kerry Considering Gen. Wesley Clark For VP to Fill Absence of "War Hero" on Ticket

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Fork Introduced to China

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New Torture Photos Show Democrats Forced to Watch Kerry Win Their Party's Nomination

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'Friends' Finale to be Preempted by More Iraqi Prisoner Abuse Coverage

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Blockbuster Revelation in New Kerry Ad: Senator Has Apparently Served in Vietnam

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New Torture Tapes of Saddam Forced to Listen to Rush Limbaugh, Bush Speeches Infuriates Dems

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Sen. Kerry Holds Commanding Lead as Presumptive Loser of 2004 Presidential Election

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French Defense Cuts Leave 'Troops' With Off-White Flags, Non-Aloed Kleenex, Generic Lipstick, and Paper Mache 'Guns'

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Sen. Kerry Proposes 'Investment' in Higher Taxes

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Couple Taken by Nigerian Email Money Scam: Only Received $24 Million of Promised $35 Million

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Kerry Flip-Flops Again on Medals: "I Didn't Throw My Medals Away, I Threw My Credibility Away"

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New Gillette Mach 4 Plus HyperTurbo SuperSonic Dynamo Razor Has 8 Blades, is Only $48 for 4

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U.S. Military on Alert After Massachusetts Flexes Muscle With Underground Nuke Test

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U.S. Military on Alert After Massachusetts Flexes Muscle With Underground Nuke Test

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North Korea Nominated to Chair United Nation's Council on Democracy

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Yankees Lose to Bronx YWCA Team; Derek Jeter on Fire With 1-for-33 Hitting Streak

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64 Anti-Coalition Insurgents in Falujah Suffer From Mysterious Injestion of Ammunition

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Flip-Flopping Kerry Flip Flops Again on Vietnam Medal Flip Flop Flop

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Kerry: Meaning of 'Medals', 'Ribbons', and Verb 'Is' Are All Interchangeable

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Kerry Apologizes for Pricey Bouffant Trim; Will Now Transport Hairdresser in Toyota Prius, Not $35 Million Jet

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Kerry's New Foreign Policy Targets Foreign Countries Such as France, Russia, America

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Neoliberals in Texas Concocting War Against American Values

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Michael Jackson to 'Normalize' Image for Trial: Will Wear Old Nose, Shed Military Outfits

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Synchronized Flip-Flopping to Make Olympic Debut

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Bush's 'Air Dirtification Initiative' Greeted With Skepticism, Coughs

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Dean Attacked, Mauled By Herd of Persistant Dean Supporters

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Bob Woodward's Campaign Against Bush HQ Bugged

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Iranian Actress Recognized for Valiant Efforts to Increase Land Mine Usage

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Kerry Waffles on Religion: Is Now Southern Baptist With Rebel Flag on His Limo

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Omarosa Fired From Omarosa.com For Instigating Racial Tensions, Cat Fights

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Democrats 'Unite' to Hold Noses and Vote for Kerry

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Kevorkian Fights Ban on Partial Death Euthanasia

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Time Share Sales in Sunni Triangle Still Slow

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Haliburton Olive Branch Offer to Host '08 DNC Convention Rejected

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New Misery Index Ties Dan Rather's Smiles Per Hour Inversely to Progress in Iraq

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Man With vI@gRa69@aol.com Email Address Not Hearing Back From Friends

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Mills Lane to Referee Presidential Debates; Kerry Complains 7-Second Delay Will 'Stifle My F--ing Message'

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Herb Ritts Coffee Table Nudes of Madeline Albright Greeted by Lackluster Sales, Nausea

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Kerry Clears Air Again: "F** that... I didn't mean what I meant to say."

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Bush Blames Howard Stern for Falujah Quagmire, Deficit, Gas Prices

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Dick (Clark) to National Security Advisor Rice: "Nugh Uh."

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Benedict Arnold Charity Sending Donations Overseas to India

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Global Economies Shaken After Temporary eBay Outage

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Senator Kerry Put on Ridilin for Flip-Flop Problem

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ASHCROFT GREETS AFRICAN AMERICAN VOTERS AT POLL WITH FIRE HOSE
 
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'THE PASSION' TOO VIOLENT FOR HOLLYWOOD; 'FAHRENHEIT 9-11' MAY REAP OSCAR WINDFALL
 
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Police on Alert As Anti-Semitic Promise Keepers Riot in Stadiums, Arenas Across Country

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Marines Invite Sen. Kerry to Falujah to "Watch" Extermination of Anti-American Radicals

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Condi Rice Testimony Anticipation: Dems Request 7 Second Delay

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Falujah Residents Not Excited to be Chosen For New Round of Hydrogen Bomb Testing

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Leak: Trump Fires Carolyn in Apprentice Finale

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Dennis Kucinich Tired of People Laughing at Him

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Job Growth Roars Back Into Democrat's Real-Life Nightmare

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Dan Rather Criticizes 'Bush-Loving Right-Wing Crazies' for Calling Him 'Biased'

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Ted Kennedy Roaming Halls of Congress, Seeking Whom He May Devour

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President Mulls Deploying Marine Band to Colonize France
 
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Gore Gets Voice Back After Last Week's "Speech"

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FEC APPROVES RUSH LIMBAUGH TO DEBATE KERRY IN BUSH'S STEAD

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FEC APPROVES RUSH LIMBAUGH TO DEBATE KERRY IN BUSH'S STEAD

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AP ERRONEOUSLY REPORTS BARNEY FRANK PREGNANCY

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DEAN STUFF MOVES FROM 50% OFF TO 90% OFF BIN

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KUCINICH CAMPAIGNING FOR JANITORIAL POSITION IN KERRY ADMIN

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'COWBOY' BUSH CRITICIZED FOR NOT BEING COWBOYISH ENOUGH

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BUSH TO OUTSOURCE KERRY'S JOB TO SOME FOREIGN COUNTRY

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BIN LADEN CAVE RUNNING OUT OF CANNED FOOD, TOILET PAPER

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TEST HEADLINE - PAGE 2

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