MYSTERIOUS INCREASE IN ILLEGITIMATE BABIES EXPECTED 9 MONTHS FROM TONIGHT

BUSH ESTABLISHES COALITION TO MONITOR U.N. TSUNAMI AID DISTRIBUTION

LACK OF DEAD ANIMALS IN WAKE OF TSUNAMI GIVES WEIGHT TO THEORY THAT SOME POSSESS 'SPIDEY SENSE'

 

U.N. PLEDGES TO DIRECT 'MOST' OF TSUNAMI RELIEF AID TO VICTIMS

 

PEPSICO, INC. ATTEMPTS MARKET SHARE GRAB WITH RE-RELEASE OF 'NEW COKE'

O.J. CATCHES REAL KILLER WAVE IN MIAMI DURING FUN-IN-THE-SUN SURF SESSION

 

U.S. INDUSTRIAL IRRESPONSIBILITY BLAMED FOR ASIAN TSUNAMI DISASTER

STATE DEPT: U.N. IS BEING 'STINGY' WITH DISPLAYS OF LOGIC AND COMMON SENSE

DICK MORRIS DECLARES VICTORY IN UKRAINIAN ELECTION, HIRES FOOD TASTER

 

SAUDI ARABIA CELEBRATES 400TH YEAR IN THE DARK AGES

EXPERTS: 2005 HURRICANE SEASON WILL BE 'MUCH CALMER' WITH ONLY 130 NAMED STORMS

ANTI-KERRY WEBSITES SUFFERING FROM UNEXPLAINED SLOWDOWN IN TRAFFIC

ACLU: INTOLERANT BIGOTS TRYING TO INSERT JESUS INTO CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY

 

SEAN HANNITY RADIO SHOW TO PLAY 'BEST OF CLINTON IMPEACHMENT DAYS' THROUGH HOLIDAYS

 

MAN PLUMMETS TO HIS DEATH FROM TOP OF JOHN HANCOCK BUILDING'S FRONT STEPS

KERRY ORDERS STAFF TO CANCEL TIME MAG SUBSCRIPTIONS

 

CHANUKWANZAAMAS TREES TO REPLACE 'INTOLERANT' CHRISTMAS TREES ON FEDERAL PROPERTY

STATE OF EMERGENCY: FLORIDA SCHOOLS AND GOVERNMENT OFFICES CLOSED AS TEMPERATURES PLUMMET BELOW 60

SPAM EMAIL EXPOSES MAN TO SALACIOUSLY EXOTIC WORLD OF MORTGAGE REFINANCING

NEW CIALIS COMMERCIAL RECOMMENDS MEDICAL ASSISTANCE FOR ERECTIONS LASTING LONGER THAN 240 HOURS

 

MICHAEL JACKSON ROMANCES 200 KIDS AT NEVERLAND

 

PLASTIC SURGERY GIVES BEAUTY QUEEN 'HORRIFYING MONSTER-LIKE APPEARANCE WITH NO REFUND'

SAN QUENTIN DEATH ROW INMATES LINE UP TO BE MUCH-ADMIRED SCOTT PETERSON MURDERER

 

ACLU WARNS OF HOLIDAY SEASON DANGERS: CARJACKINGS, PICK-POCKETS, AND CHRISTMAS CAROLERS

 

REAL CANDLES USED BY MAN TO DECORATE CHRISTMAS TREE; FUNERAL TO BE HELD ON SATURDAY

 

KOFI ANNAN LEAVES CHARGES OF U.S. HUMAN-RIGHTS ATROCITIES OUT OF PATHETIC PLEA FOR HELP DURNG D.C. TRIP

 

CHEVY CHASE APOLOGIZES FOR BUSH COMMENTS, SAYS HE WAS 'JUST KIDDING ABOUT THAT MOTHER F---ER'

 

SWIFT BOAT VETERANS FOR TRUTH LAUNCH AD CRITICIZING BIN LADEN'S MILITARY RECORD

 

SAN QUENTIN DEATH ROW INMATE 'LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING SCOTT PETERSON'S BABY'

SENATE TO DEBATE CONTROVERSIAL 'CHILDREN IN COMBAT' ISSUE

SADDAM STILL HOBBLING AROUND IN CELL, PERFORMING DAILY DUTIES AS 'PRESIDENT OF IRAQ'

 

SUPERMARKET TABLOID STORY ABOUT TWO-FACED SENATOR TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE

 

U.N. SECRETARY GENERAL ANNAN UNDER FIRE FOR 'UPHOLDING THE VALUE SYSTEM THE U.N. HAS BECOME INFAMOUSLY KNOWN FOR'

MOVEON.ORG PLANTS QUESTION WITH REPORTER TO ASK DNC: 'YOU KNOW MOVEON OWNS YOU, DON'T YOU?'

 

RUMSFELD PLANTS QUESTION WITH SOLDIER TO ASK MEDIA: 'WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN HELL-BENT ON DESTROYING OUR EFFORTS IN IRAQ?'

 

RUMSFELD FIELDS TOUGH QUESTIONS FROM WIFE ABOUT 'LEAVING SOCKS ON THE FLOOR'

 

'HARSH' NEW LAW LIMITS XBOX PLAYTIME IN FEDERAL PRISONS' SOLITARY CONFINEMENT CELLS

 

SEN. BIDEN MULLS WHITE HOUSE BID IN '08; CAMPAIGN WILL FOCUS ON 'WINNING ISSUES LIKE FAMILY MORALS AND RELIGIOUS STUFF'

 

MARINE LOBS TOUGH QUESTION AT DEMOCRATS: 'WHY DO WE HAVE TO DIG THROUGH LANDFILLS FOR SCRAPS OF YOUR SUPPORT?'

 

POLICE WALKING BEAT IN LOS ANGELES COMPLAIN TO RUMSFELD THEY 'DON'T HAVE THE GUNS OUR TROOPS HAVE'

 

'NBA 2K6' XBOX GAME TO INCLUDE DRINK THROWING GUY

 

SEN. McCAIN THREATENS TO 'PERSONALLY TAKE THINGS UP WITH BARRY BONDS IN THE PARKING LOT'

 

GROUP BANS SNOWFLAKES FROM HOLIDAY DISPLAYS: THEIR COMPLEXITY MAKES THEORY OF EVOLUTION 'LOOK BAD'

 

BIDDING FRENZY ERUPTS ON eBAY FOR PLASTIC BAGGY FULL OF AIR

 

SUPERMODEL HEIDI KLUM RELEASES BOOK FOR MEN TO 'READ'

 

SWAB OF WHACKO JACKO'S MOUTH REVEALS BRAND OF LIPSTICK USED BY FORMER POP STAR

 

POLICE LAUNCH NEW SEARCH OF 'KIDS AND CAMERAS ONLY' WING OF JACKSON'S NEVERLAND RANCH

 

HURRICANE FORECASTERS PREDICT FEWER LOOTING OPPORTUNITIES FOR 2005 SEASON

 

QUAGMIRE UNFOLDING AT MICHAEL JACKSON'S NEVERLAND RANCH... DEVELOPING...

 

ISLAMIC SUICIDE BOMBER STRIKES MOSQUE 'IN THE NAME OF ISLAM'

 

EXTRATERRESTRIALS IRRITATED THEY HAVEN'T BEEN DISCOVERED YET

 

BOBBY BROWN CELEBRATES 1 MONTH OF ARREST-FREE DAYS

 

SCOTT PETERSON INVOLVED IN STEAMY 'ROMANCE-BY-MAIL' WITH DEATH ROW GROUPIE

 

DOCUMENTARY ABOUT STATIC CLING WINS CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

 

KWANZAA TREE DRAWS CROWDS TO ROCKEFELLER PLAZA

 

VERSION OF SCOTT PETERSON'S LIFE 'WORTH SPARING' UNVEILED IN SENTENCING PHASE

 

BUSH URGES CANADA TO RECALL PETER JENNINGS

BUSH NOMINATES KELLOG'S TONY THE TIGER FOR COMMERCE SECRETARY

 

MICHAEL MOORE GETS STAR ON HOLLYWOOD WALK OF SHAME

 

SMOKERS DYING OVER HIGH CIGARETTE PRICES

 

U.N. URGES UKRANIANS TO RESOLVE ELECTION DISPUTE BY 'SITTING AROUND AND HOPING'

JONES SODA INTRODUCES 'CASTOR OIL' AND 'DOG MESS' FLAVORS

WAL-MART RUNNING OUT OF MULLET COMBS AND THOSE CHEAP TVS THEY ALWAYS PUSH

NATION'S TARGETS DOWN TO 8 OPEN PARKING SPOTS

BARRED FROM THANKING 'GOD', PUBLIC SCHOOL KIDS OPT TO THANK LUNCH LADY AND CONDOM DISTRIBUTOR

 

SURVEY: MOST PEOPLE NOT IMPRESSED WITH 'GANGSTER CARS'

 

SCOTT PETERSON DYES HAIR BLONDE AGAIN IN ATTEMPT TO DUCK DEATH PENALTY

 

OJ SIMPSON CLAIMS PROGRESS IN PURSUING 'KILLER' ON MIAMI'S GOLF COURSES

 

HOLIDAY FESTIVITIES THREATEN TO INTERFERE WITH TRAVEL PLANS FOR SOME

 

MICHAEL MOORE DIAGNOSED WITH FAT COW DISEASE... DEVELOPING...

 

DNC PLANS FOR 'WINNING ELECTIONS IN THE FUTURE' BY MORE AGGRESSIVELY FINANCING OHIO RECOUNT

 

COURT ORDERS THAT 'SOME SUPERNATURAL, TOLERANT, AND POLITICALLY CORRECT BEING' BE THANKED, NOT GOD

 

OZZY OSBOURNE BITES HEAD OFF BURGLAR DURING BREAK-IN SCUFFLE

 

MINUTES WORTH OF BASKETBALL GAMEPLAY BREAKS OUT IN MIDDLE OF CHICAGO BULLS - PHOENIX SUNS FIGHT

 

NBA COMMISSIONER LEVIES STIFF PUNISHMENT ON SPECTATORS: BANS ASSAULT ON PLAYERS, MISSILE PROJECTING, HECKLING, CHEERING

 

KERRY BLAMES FOXNEWS FOR HIS FAILURE; SAYS NETWORK 'DISPLAYED MY FACE IN ATTEMPT TO TURN OFF VOTERS'

 

DETROIT PISTONS' FANS SUSPENDED FOR 10 GAMES...DEVELOPING...

 

NBA, NHL, BOXING TO MERGE DUE TO 'SIMILARITY OF PLAY'

 

ALEXANDER SCHOLZYNISTAN WADES INTO STANDS AT CHESS MATCH, BLOODIES CHESS HECKLER

 

NATION ON EDGE TODAY AS 'PROFESSIONAL' SPORTING EVENTS TAKE PLACE

 

PACERS' RON ARTEST: 'I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH TO NOT JUMP INTO THE STANDS AND BEAT UP FANS'

 

VISITORS TO RAINY CLINTON LIBRARY OPENING WARY ABOUT CATCHING COLD, VENEREAL DISEASES

 

ALL HECK BREAKS LOSE IN SO-CALLED 'PROFESSIONAL' SPORTS

 

CLINTON: 'THE LIBRARY REPRESENTS MY PURPOSE, MY VISION, MY LIBIDO'

 

CROWD OF ONLOOKERS DISAPPOINTED AS METEOR TURNS OUT ONLY TO BE ALIEN SPACECRAFT

 

BUSH CAUGHT IN VERBAL GAFFE, SAID CLINTON 'SERVED AMERICA'

 

CLINTON LIBRARY OPENING SHOWCASES END OF CHELSEA CLINTON'S 'AWKWARD STAGE'

 

GOTTI BRAT SCREAMS 'DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" WHILE GETTING BEAT TO A MUCH-DESERVED PULP

 

OUSTED SEN. DASCHLE FINDS WORK AS MALE PAGE FOR BARNEY FRANK'S CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE

 

CLINTON LIBRARY'S 'WOMEN OF ILL REPUTE' WING RUNS OUT OF SPACE, MOVED TO NEARBY WHAREHOUSES

 

MYSTERIOUS IMAGE OF VIRGIN MARY APPEARS IN CHURCH STAINED GLASS WINDOW DEPICTING CHRIST BIRTH

KERRY PREPS TO GIVE SPEECH SAYING BUSH 'BETRAYED OUR COUNTRY... HE PLAYED ON OUR FEARS!'

 

SEN. SPECTER: 'I APOLOGIZE FOR MY CONTROVERSIAL STATEMENT THE OTHER DAY, WHICH I DID NOT SAY'

 

THE LEFT MOVES TOWARD SANITY, WILL CALM DOWN AND ONLY 'GO NUTS' FROM NOW ON

 

SWIFT BOAT VETS ENCOURAGE KERRY TO RUN AGAIN IN '08

 

MACHINE GUN NEST OPERATOR TOLD TO 'KEEP IT DOWN' DURING AFTERNOON PRAYERS AT MOSQUE

 

PROVING MEN'S DESIRE FOR NEW AND UNFAMILIAR WOMEN, BILL CLINTON EYES HILLARY AT LIBRARY OPENING

 

WAL-MART SECURITY COUNCIL FILES RESOLUTION TO BAR SEARS/K-MART MERGER

 

GRILLED CHEESE WITH VIRGIN MARY APPARITION AUCTION ON EBAY REACHES $3 IN BIDDING FRENZY

 

DEMOCRATS TO RE-TOOL PARTY, BEGIN TALKING ABOUT 'RELIGIOUS STUFF'

 

NEW REALITY HUNTING SHOW THREATENS TO SHOW FOOTAGE OF INNOCENT ANIMALS BEING 'HARMED'

 

THE LEFT COMES CLEAN ABOUT THEIR CRAZY IDEAS: 'SURPRISE, AMERICA, YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA'

 

OHIO DEMOCRAT IS ASKED TO BE LAST MAN TO DIE FOR KERRY'S CAMPAIGN

 

SHOCKING CLAY AIKEN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT HIS SEXUAL ORIENTATION TURNS OUT TO JUST BE ABOUT CHARITY GIG

 

GUNSHOTS AT VIBE MUSIC AWARDS WERE 'IN MOURNING OVER ARAFAT'S DEATH'

 

COLIN POWELL'S LIGHT SKIN TONE RENDERS CONDI FIRST 'REAL' BLACK SECRETARY OF STATE

 

NEW CLINTON LIBRARY CAN BE SMELLED FROM MILES AWAY

ARAFAT WONDERING WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IN HEAVEN

 

BUSH ADDS TOM DASCHLE TO LIST OF '75% OF TERRORIST LEADERS KILLED OR PUT OUT OF COMMISSION'

 

COLIN POWELL RESIGNS OVER LACK OF WHITE PEOPLE IN BUSH CABINET...DEVELOPING...

 

CIA: AL QUEDA PLANNED TO SNEAK NUKES INTO U.S. HIDDEN IN NUCLEAR SUITCASES

 

TONIGHT ON CNN: 'EVANGELICALS: WHO ARE THEY, AND WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?'

 

MAHMOUD ABBAS WELCOMED TO PALESTINIAN LEADERSHIP BY ATTEMPT ON HIS LIFE

 

BUSH COMMENT ON MICHAEL MOORE FAHRENHEIT SEQUEL: 'GOD REST HIS SOUL'

 

BUSH POPULAR VOTE MARGIN INCREASES; EDWARDS SAYS THERE'S 'NO NEED TO COUNT EVERY VOTE'

FALLUJAH 90% PAVED

 

KERRY: 'OUR DIVIDED COUNTRY MUST UNITE, AND FIGHT THE LIES OF THIS PRESIDENT, A TERRIBLE FAILURE, BY THE WAY'

 

MARINES FROM JERSEY CITY FEEL 'AT HOME' IN FALLUJAH

 

SCOTT PETERSON MAINTAINS POOL CHLORINE DYED HAIR BLONDE AND SPROUTED GOATEE ON FACE

 

PAYMENT OF HIGH-PROFILE LEGAL VICTORY NO LONGER POSSIBLE, GERAGOS SETTLES FOR $27 LEFT ON SCOTT PETERSON'S VISA CARD

 

SCOTT PETERSON FACES ADDITIONAL COUNT OF THIRD DEGREE MURDER IN DEATH OF MARK GERAGOS' CAREER

 

KERRY SET TO PEN MEMOIRS: 'I GUESS I WAS UNFIT FOR COMMAND'

 

JIMMY CARTER CONVINCES PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY TO LEAVE PLOT NEXT TO ARAFAT OPEN 'FOR WHEN I GO'

 

NEWS ORGS SCAMBLE TO WRITE OBITS AFTER UNEXPECTED ARAFAT DEATH

RUBBLE AND TRASH BEING BULLDOZED IN RAMALLAH TO PROVIDE ROOM FOR BURIAL OF ARAFAT CADAVER

O.J. PETERSON JURY MEMBER DISMISSED TO WRITE BOOK

 

RICH WHITE RACIST BUSH ADDS ANOTHER POOR MINORITY TO CABINET... DEVELOPING...

 

TOM DASCHLE PULLED FROM SPIDER HOLE IN FALLUJAH

 

BREAKING NEWS ALERT: ARAFAT NOT DEAD YET

 

CONDO SALES IN FALLUJAH SLOW TO CRAWL

 

FIDEL CASTRO TURNS DOWN DNC CHAIR OFFER; CALLS PARTY 'TOO RADICAL'

 

DNC ATTEMPTS TO MODERATE LEADERSHIP, CONSIDERS HOWARD DEAN FOR CHAIRMAN

 

FALLUJAH RESIDENTS MISS 'GOOD OLD DAYS, WHEN TERROR ALERT WAS JUST RED'

 

BUSH POST-ELECTION VICTORY SPEECH CONVINCED 73% OF STILL-UNDECIDEDS

 

MCGREEVEY FAREWELL ADDRESS HIGHLIGHTS LIST OF ACHIEVEMENT

 

KERRY OFFERED GORE TEACHING ASSISTANT POSITION

SECRET SERVICE PROTECTION GONE, KERRY MOBBED BY FANS WANTING TO RETURN AUTOGRAPHED STUFF

EDUCATORS: THEORY OF CREATION ONLY ACCEPTABLE IF 'CREATION OF SOMETHING FROM NOTHING' FACT INCLUDED

HOWARD DEAN LEADS IN PRIMARY RACE FOR NOMINATION OF CHESTER BEND, VERMONT WOMEN'S CIVIC CLUB ASSISTANT TREASURER

KERRY TAKES ONE LAST LOOK AT OHIO PRECINCT NUMBERS 'JUST IN CASE'

DEMOCRATS WONDERING: 'WHAT IN OUR BIZARRO WORLD WENT SO WRONG?'

WAL-MART EYES PROPERTY ADJACENT TO PLANNED FALLUJAH PARKING LOT

KERRY: 'MY CHANCES OF WINNING THAT ELECTION WERE DASHED WHEN I BECAME MY PARTY'S CANDIDATE'

 

ARAFAT WALKS AWAY FROM NEGOTIATIONS AFTER DOCTORS OFFERED 97% OF HEALTH, SANITY BACK

DAN RATHER, MICHAEL MOORE, AL FRANKEN, EMINEM, AND NAMBLA MEET AT MOVEON.ORG HQ TO FIGURE OUT 'WHY AMERICA DIDN'T LIKE KERRY'

ARAFAT DOCTORS EXIT-POLLED: 2 SAY 'ALIVE', 3 SAY 'DEAD'

LIFE INSURANCE COMPANIES CANCEL POLICIES FOR FALLUJAH-BASED TERRORISTS

STOCK IN SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE PLUMMETS ON TERESA HEINZ KERRY'S ELECTION LOSS

LOTS OF KERRY STUFF DUMPED INTO 90%-OFF BIN

KERRY TO TAKE UP MODEL AIRPLANES AGAIN

BUSH TO KERRY SUPPORTERS: 'I'D LIKE TO REACH OUT TO YOU... AND PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE'

BUSH URGED TO 'UNITE NATION' BY IMPLEMENTING RADICAL LEFT-WING AGENDA

SOROS DISASTER: LIBERAL INVESTOR LOST RECEIPT TO $10 MILLION SPENT ON KERRY CANDIDACY

SEN. DASCHLE PULLED FROM SPIDER HOLE, COAXED BY POLICE INTO STRAIGHT JACKET

REDSKINS APOLOGIZE FOR MISLEADING PRE-ELECTION GAME LOSS

HILLARY CALLS KERRY TO CONCEDE THE FACT THAT SHE HASN'T REALLY BEEN PULLING FOR HIM

FLORIDA PROBLEMS: EXIT POLLS POINT TO BUSH/EDWARDS LEAD

 

KERRY CONCEDES TO BUSH, BLAMES LOSS ON 'THE DEMOCRATS' CHOICE OF CANDIDATE'

MICHAEL MOORE, FRAUD, RUSHES TO OHIO TO FILM PROVISIONAL BALLOT FRAUD

EXIT POLL GUY NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT PERFORMANCE REVIEW

PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT KERRY WAS ANTI-CHRIST COMING TO POWER WRONG AGAIN

11PM ELECTION SURPRISE: LARRY KING STILL PRETTY MUCH AWAKE

NADER GETS ANOTHER VOTE

FIRST LAWSUIT CALLED FOR KERRY, 11% OF LAWYERS COUNTED

UNITED NATIONS CALLS AMERICAN ELECTION FOR KERRY

PTD CALLS MASSACHUSETTS FOR KERRY; 0% OF PRECINCTS COUNTED

"YES" LEADING "NO" BY 4 POINTS IN EXIT POLL ON GRANITEVILLE, IOWA AMENDMENT INITIATIVE

NY TIMES ELECTION MORN FRONT PAGE TO FEATURE KERRY WITH SHOTGUN, SNOWBOARD, & AMERICAN FLAG BROOCH

 

KERRY TAKES FIRST WAVE OF EXIT POLLS AS MANDATE, ASKS BUSH TO CONCEDE

MICHAEL MOORE IN FLORIDA PROTECTING SANCTITY OF ELECTION

 

COURT: HAVING TO PRODUCE IDENTIFICATION DOES NOT CONSTITUTE 'VOTE SUPPRESSION'

'VOTER INTIMIDATION' CHARGED AT TX PRECINCT: PRESENCE OF BUSH LEAD KERRY VOTERS TO SECOND GUESS THROWING AWAY THEIR VOTE

KERRY CAMP BLAMES BUSH FOR PLANTING KERRY VOTES IN PHILLY MACHINES

NON-PARTISAN WEEKLY ENDORSES 'VICTOR OF TODAY'S ELECTION' FOR PRESIDENT OF THE U.S.

FLORIDA PROBLEMS: EXIT POLLS POINT TO BUSH/EDWARDS LEAD

NY TIMES ELECTION MORN FRONT PAGE FEATURES KERRY WITH SHOTGUN, SNOWBOARD, & AMERICAN FLAG BROOCH

BREAKING: AL JAZEERA REPORTEDLY IN POSSESSION OF NEW KERRY TAPE

KERRY BEATS REDSKINS 28-14, BUSH WILL CONTEST GAME RESULT FOR A MONTH OR SO

 

TRICK-OR-TREATERS TO KERRY MANSION IN SWING STATE RECEIVING BALLOTS, FAKE IDS

CIA: NEW KERRY TAPE IS 'AUTHENTIC'

KERRY: 'LET'S ALL MOVE PAST THIS DIVISIVE ELECTION AND MOVE ON TO THE HATE-FILLED LEGAL PROCESS'

KERRY BEATS REDSKINS 28-14, BUSH WILL CONTEST GAME RESULT FOR A MONTH OR SO

VOTER FRAUD ALLEGED IN ELECTIONS 2004, 2008

 

DEMOCRATS CONCERNED ABOUT 'POLL WORKERS MILLING AROUND', CLAIM 'INTIMIDATION'

EXCITEMENT AS NADER JUMPS TO "-1%"

'LACK OF SHOWERS WITH SOAP' BLAMED FOR ARAFAT 'ILLNESS'

BIN LADEN SENT TO HAWAII FOR LAST MINUTE SCARE-OUT-THE-VOTE EFFORT

JOHN MCENROE STILL ON CNBC FOR SOME REASON

 

EMINEM CLAIMS HARASSMENT AT EARLY-VOTE POLL 'BECAUSE I'M BLACK'

NY TIMES BREAKING: BUSH HAD DUI IN 1976

NY TIMES: 'TONS OF CREDIBILITY VANISHED FROM OUR PAPER'

 

JIMMY CARTER IN CRITICAL CONDITION OVER CONCERN ABOUT ARAFAT'S HEALTH

 

OUNCES OF VIETNAM-ERA INJURY REPORTS 'VANISH' FROM KERRY CAMPAIGN BUNKER

MICHAEL MOORE: ABC TERROR WARNING VIDEO PROVES THERE IS NO TERROR THREAT

WAL-MART ADMITTED TO U.N., MAY PETITION FOR SEAT ON SECURITY COUNCIL

 

BREAKING FROM NY TIMES: LIST OF FAILURES IN FIRST 100 DAYS OF 2ND BUSH TERM

 

'OCTOBER SURPRISE': SEN. JOHN KERRY MAY POSSIBLY BE ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

 

KERRY SHOWCASES FAITH, SLEIGHT-OF-HAND ILLUSIONS IN SOUTH FLORIDA

 

CROWD OF SPECTATOR APPLAUDS TESTOSTERONEY CHER/ROSIE SHOW

 

KERRY LANDS COMMANDING STRAW POLL VICTORY IN DARK UNDERBELLY OF NEW YORK'S SEEDY NIGHT SCENE

 

'REALLY TAN' WHITE GUY ACCIDENTALLY DENIED RIGHT TO VOTE IN FLORIDA

 

KERRY IN BLACK CHURCH: DECRIES GOP 'POLL BOUNCERS' AND 'WHITE PEOPLE MUSIC'

TED KENNEDY OFFER TO DONATE LIVER REJECTED BY LIVER DONATION ORG

 

ENTREPENEUR MARY-KATE OLSEN RUMORED RELAPSE SHAKES WORLD FINANCIAL MARKETS

 

10.22.04 :: KERRY/EDWARDS TRANSITION TEAM TO ANNOUNCE CABINET... DETAILS TO COME...

 

THIRD TRIMESTER PREGNANT CHAD PROMPTS CONCERN IN FLORIDA EARLY VOTE

 

BLACK PERSON ALLOWED TO VOTE IN REPUBLICAN STRONGHOLD OF ELMHURST

 

KERRY DENIES BARE-HANDED BOAR HUNT TODAY IS ATTEMPT TO PROVE 'MANLINESS'

CHARGE: JIMMY CARTER ATTEMPTING TO STIFLE WHITE VOTE

 

WHITE HOUSE SERVANT STAFF ENDORSES BUSH - DEVELOPING...

 

$1000 FINE FOR DANNY RAMIREZ DIME BAG DEAL IN DUGOUT

TERESA HEINZ: 'IF MY YEARS EMPLOYED AS AN HEIRESS HAS TAUGHT ME ANYTHING, IT'S THAT BEING A TEACHER OR A LIBRARIAN IS NOT A REAL JOB'

HIGH TIMES MAG PROMOTES 'SPAM-FOR-DATES' STRATEGY FOR EMAIL-ENABLED LOSERS

 

KERRY: 'NUKE NUISANCE' DOES EXIST

 

Putin, a Big Important World Leader, Endorses Bush

Red Sox Fans Still Laughing About Kerry Pitch

Man of Faith' Kerry Showcases 'Religious' Side by Appearing in 'Church' With 'Reverend' Jackson

American League Playoffs: Hideki Matsui Leads Boston Red Sox 3-0

Kerry: "I Never Said Bush 'Lied', Just That He Has Mislead Us, Not Told the Truth, and Lied to Us"

Procrastinating Undecideds Nervous About Forthcoming Global Test

Kerry/O'Reilly Debate Plans Stymied by O'Reilly Phone Sex Habit

Recovering Bill Clinton Reportedly 'Not Happy' With All Male Nurse Staff

Presidential Debate Pre-empted for Yankee Coverage

Bill O'Reilly is a Crazy Sex Fiend: Charge

Some Rock & Roll Guy to Deliver Major Foreign Policy Speech from Stage Tonight

Kerry: 'I'm Fascinated by Gansta Rap'

Kerry Suggests 'Sin Tax' for Terrorism, Like Gambling and Prostitution

Bush Opposition to Federal Funding for Stem Cell Research Blamed of Course

People Mag Wins Debate With Entertainment Weekly Over Britney Spears Wedding Legitimacy

Kerry Plans to Release New Plan

Kerry Has Plans

Bush/Laura Leading Kerry/Teresa in Polls by Wide Margin

Peaceful Protesters Ransack GOP Headquarters in Orlando

Kerry and Edwards Leave Many Republicans Missing 'More Tolerable' Democrats, Like Clinton and Gore

Edwards' Debate Slip: Former Ambulance-Chaser Addresses Moderator as 'Your Honor'

Bill O'Reilly Steps Out of 'No Spin Zone' Into BS Hallway, Says He Is Undecided Between Bush, Kerry

Edwards Brushing Up on Haliburton Stuff for Debate With Cheney

Kerry Calls Sean Hannity Radio Program, Says 'Nuh Uh'

Debate Aftermath: Bush 'Looked Tired' After 12 Hours of Consoling Hurricane Victims; Kerry Surprisingly Refreshed, Energetic After Nap, Manicure

Kerry Erupts as Mt. Saint Helens Blows Him Off Front Page of Newspapers

Tan Technicians Reportedly Asked Kerry to 'Not Disrobe' at Orange Spray Painting Session

Bush Complains About Orange Glow From Senator Kerry's Lectern Area

Kerry 'In Seclusion' Prepping for Debate Makeup

Kerry Ducks Gore Endorsement Offer by Letting Answering Machine Pick Up

Too Close For Comfort: Asteroid to 'Brush Past' Earth With Only 50 Million Mile Buffer

REPORT: ELECTION MAY HINGE ON SWING CANDIDATE KERRY

 

KERRY SLIPS WITH CABINET PREVIEW: 'IT'S A BUNCH OF PEOPLE YOU'LL HATE'

 

Bush: Kennedy Leaves Americans More Vulnerable to Obesity

Bush: Kennedy Leaves Americans More Vulnerable to Obesity

Leak: Hugo Chavez Thank You Basket to Jimmy Carter Included Fruit, Potpourri, Friendship Locket

Bush Criticized for Anticipated Damage From Approaching Hurricane

7-11 Clerk's Write-In Candidacy Gaining Ground on Kerry

Poll: Women Concerned About Safety Lean Toward Bush, Away From Ugly Kerry

John Kerry Stands by His Iraq Stances

Cat Stevens Travels Back to His Lair

Spybot and Adaware Run Successfully on IRS Computers; Defragmenting to Begin Tomorrow

Teresa Heinz Says Her Husband is a 'Scumbag and a Loose Cannon'

John Edwards Found Alive

Heinz Endowment Hires Well-Endowed Heinz Spokeswoman

Change Retrieved From Seat Cushions at Emmys to be Used to Pay Down National Debt

CBS Loses Favored 'Single Digit Channel' Status, Moved to Channel 14

Teachers' Lounge Used to Teach Children About Clouds

FoxNews Memo Detailing CBS Bias Being Examined by Experts for Authenticity, Fairness

Bobby Brown Not Arrested Today

Democrats Answer Kerry Likeabillity Poll Numbers: 'We Do Love John Kerry For His Ability to Attack Bush'

Democrats Answer Kerry Likeabillity Poll Numbers: 'We Do Love John Kerry For His Ability to Attack Bush'

Kerry Invites Press Along for Solo Climb to Top of Some Mountain

Kerry Says 'No' to Dukakis Offer of Joint Photo Op in Tank

Mystery Bidder 'THEINZK' Continues to Win Pricey eBay Auctions for Kerry's 'The New Soldier'

Kucinich Supporters for Kerry Call for Peaceful End to Campaign In-fighting

Conservative Republican Senator Zell Miller (D-GA) Gets It

State Dept: Mushroom Cloud of Hot Air in North Korea May Be Result of Jimmy Carter Presence

Palm Beach Democrats Wondering Why Some Floridians Are Installing 'Window Glass Made Out of Plywood'

Kerry Delivers Major Policy Speech to Policy Speechmaking Majors

New Energy Drink Reportedly Turns Consumers Into Their Choice of Pro Athlete or Rap Star

After Hurricane Frances, Floridians Eager to Get Power Back For TV News About Hurricane Ivan, Next Swift Boat Ad

Confusing Slowdown in Florida Mobile Homes Perplexes Palm Beach County Democrats

Clintons Offer Gang of Their Henchmen to 'Help' Kerry Campaign

Leak: Planned October Surprise May Include Nude Spread of Teresa Kerry-Heinz in National Publication

Bush Combats Kerry's 'W Stands for Wrong' Line, Says 'JFK Stands for Just Friggin' Krazy'

CNNGALLUP Poll: Bush Ticket Leads Liberal Media Attack Machine by 11 Points

Sen. Edwards Mulling Run for Presidency in '04

FL Weathermen Hope to Dissuade Destructive Path of Ivan, Declare Early End to Hurricane Season

Panel: Bush Mislead Country When He Called Sen. Kennedy 'A Good Man'

Delta Pilot Breaches Security: Reaches Cockpit With Nail Clippers in Pocket

Florida GOP Fears Loss of FoxNews Cable Broadcasts in Wake of Hurricane Frances

David Copperfield Saws Assistant in Half; Funeral to be Held Tuesday

Bush Praises 'Honorable Service' of Swift Boat Veterans' Ad Company

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Not Dead Yet

Kerry Asks GOP to Remove Ads That Attack Moveon.org Attack Ads

Barney Frank Finds Knight in Shining Leisure Suit

Shrill Early Warning Signal Screech Beats Al Franken's Air America Show in Ratings

Bob Graham to Publish Encyclopedia Britannica - Sized 'Diary Memoirs'

Shocker: Swift Boat Veterans for Truth Not Financed By Pro-Kerry Sources!

Swift Boat Veterans for Nader Tied to Bush Through Anti-Kerry Group Financed by Org Opposing George Soros

Republicans Asked Not to Gloat as American Economy Improving Again

Voting Assistance to be Provided for Handicapped, Vision-Impaired, and Democrats

Iraqi Prime Minister Still Alive

CNN Claims 'Unfair & Unbalanced' Charge is 'Only Half Right'

Kerry Denounces 'Right-Wing Attack Machine' for Calling Him 'a Democrat'

Kerry Denounces 'Right-Wing Attack Machine' for Calling Him 'a Democrat'

Florida Officials: Approaching Hurricanes May Overshadow Voting Problems

Kerry Flip-Flops on Skull & Bones Pledge: Criticizes Fellow Bonesman Porter Goss for Stuff

Donald Trump Files Chapter 11, Will Temporarily Move Into Mike Tyson's YMCA Locker to Save Money

Kerry to Introduce Another Version of Self in Major Policy Speech Friday

1968 Buick Electra Introduced to Cuba

Kerry & Edwards on Waiting List for Newfangled Hybrid Electric-Powered Mansions

Unsatisfied With Bounce From Kerry's Convention, Bush Issues New Terror Warning

Unsatisfied With Bounce From Kerry's Convention, Bush Issues New Terror Warning

Left-Wing Opinion Personality Bill O'Reilly to Release Memoirs About Right-Wing Past

Howard Dean Questions 'Timing' of Bush Morning Workout

Kerry's Butler in Hot Water for PB&J Mishap

Teresa Heinz Tells Wealthy Heiress Near Husband to 'Shove It'

Irresponsible Python Owner Found in Python

Leak: Kerry's 'Top Secret Iraq Plan' Includes Carteresque Return to Normalcy

Some Democrat Convention Delegates Caim 'Dis-enfranchisement' by Presence of American Flags

Threat Level Raised at Taco Bell HQ on Elm St.

Threat Level Raised at Taco Bell HQ on Elm St.

Teresa Heinz Busy Working on Addition of English to Her Foreign Language Arsenal

Visuals of Kerry Lip-Locked With Dying Hampster Ruined Speech for Many

Balloon Guy Asks Kerry to Open for Him Again at Next Gig

Bush May Announce bin Laden Capture During Tonight's Speech About Kerry's Vietnam Service

Confused Delegate Thinks Edwards Worked for a Millworker in Vietnam

Kerry to Come Clean About Relationship With Edwards in Tonight's Speech

Al Sharpton Tacks Farther to the Left With Speech to Solidify Whacko Vote for Kerry

Barak Obama Tired of Right Wingers Referring to Him as 'Barak Osama', After Infamous Terrorist Osama bin al-Zawattaheiri

Ron Reagan Jr. Delivers 'Non'-Political Speech Politicizing Stem Cell Funding and Begging for Kerry Votes

'Unexpected' Cable Audio Outages Expected in Red States Tonight During Teresa Heinz Speech

Ted Kennedy Adds to 'No Bush Bashing' Fatwa: Fat Sen. Calls For Conventiongoers to Tone Down 'Chappaquiddick Rhetoric' in Hallways

Thousands of Military Police Armed With Teargas and Machine Guns Struggle to Keep 'Peace' Protesters at Bay

Kerry Handlers Scrambled for Off Button as Teresa Heinz Wandered Dangerously Close to Microphone

Clinton Decides to Allow Kerry to Speak at Convention

America to Stop Inviting Terror Attacks by Ridding Itself of Wealth, Women

9-11 Commission Recommends End to Future Terror Attacks

Larry King is Still Alive

9-11 Commission: Proof that 9-11 Could Have Been Prevented May be in Sandy Berger's Sock Drawer

Timing of Media's Inaction Questioned in Berger Probe

NY Times Stuffs Berger Doc Theft Coverage in its Pants 'Inadvertently' and 'Sloppily'

Lance Armstrong Retakes Lead in Tour de France; Race Nearing Finish With Only 612 Days to go

Court: Donations to NPR Qualify as Contributions to Kerry/Edwards Campaign

Presidential 'Candidate' Dennis Kucinich Mistakes Cough From Back of Room for Applause

Kerry Rejects Al Gore's Suggestion to Talk About Lock Boxes in Debates

Woody Allen & Daughter Celebrate 12th Wedding Anniversary

Kerry-Edwards Union Jeopardized by Talk of Ban on Gay Marriage

Kucinich Camaign Event Attended by Tumbleweed, Silence

Disenfranchised Democrats Claim DNC.org Website is 'Too Confusing', Should be Paper-Based

Study: Only The Rich Can Afford Voting Lessons

'60 Minutes' Plugs Kerry-Edwards Ticket During Investigative Report on 1 Hour Film Processing

Kucinich Claims 'Bump' From Slowdown in Supporters Leaving Campaign

Bush Declines Invite to Speak at 'French Coalition for a Bush-Free America' Event

John Kerry Claims Service in Vietnam, Medals

Poll Knocks Wind Out of GOP Sails: Most Democrats Lean Toward Kerry/Edwards Ticket

Leak: Edwards Added to Kerry Ticket to Win South for Bush

Senate Intelligence Committee Exonerates Bush, Says Prez Didn't 'Lie', but Clinton's CIA Did

Americans Still Trying to Figure Out What Teresa Heinz Said the Other Day

Edwards Changes Stump Speech to 'Three Americas' in Order to Include Size of Kerry Fortune

Leak: Edwards First Choice for Democratic Presidential Nominee Was John McCain

Pro-Choice Kerry Disagrees With Abortion Today

Al Sharpton Re-Enters Presidential Race, Cites 'Lack of Color, Grownups' on Democratic Ticket

Dick Gephardt Claims NY Post Headline Error is Legally Binding, Asks Edwards to 'Step Aside'

No Longer Waiting by the Phone, Bob Graham Returns to Diary

Bush Admin Mulls Plans to Install Pro-American Democracy in Hollywood

Democrats Make Headway Against U.S. in War on Terror

Racist Bill Cosby Dares to Warn Parents Against Letting Rap Music CDs Raise Their Children

U.S. Calls on U.N. to Monitor U.N.

From Prison Cell, Iraqi Information Officer Insists 'Infidel Coalition Forces Have All Been Defeated'

Documentary Box Office Record Previously Set By 'Fahrenheit 9-11' Broken By 'Scooby Doo III'

Prison Guards Crack Up As Saddam Insists He's 'Still President of Iraq'

Gore Offers 'Charisma Tips' To Kerry

Cheney Hands Presidential Power Back to Bush Under Cover of Darkness

Homeless Shelter Offers Inadequate Training Facilities For Mike Tyson's Upcoming Fight; Sparring With Fellow Bagpeople Becoming 'A Problem'

Saudi Arabia Offers Amnesty to Hotel Towel Thieves: Punishment for Returning 'Borrowed' Towels by July 2 Will Be Simple Behanding, Not Beheading

Coalition Officials Mock Excitedly Ignorant Saddam, Pretnd to Hand Sovereignty Back to Him

New Film 'The Day After Fahrenheit 9-11' Depicts Michael Moore Burning To Death In Global Cooling Catastrophe

Illegal Aliens Take Advantage of New Water Stations, ATMs During Border Crossings

CNN Interviewer Rocks Michael Moore With Hardball Question: 'Why Do You Hide Your Cute Fat Face With That Sexy And Scraggly Beard?'

Special Baby Einstein video produced for Remaining Kucinich Supporters; Baby Idiot to be Released in September

BREAKING: WMD Find Found Buried Deep in Classifieds Section of New York Times

Poll: Most Agree With Cheney's Petitioning of Sen. Leahy to "F-Off"

Clinton Making Millions From Idiots Buying His Memoirs For Ceremonial Book Burnings

Teresa Heinz's Likeability Ratings Rival Jimmy Carter Economic Figures

Threat to Kidnap and Behead Michael Moore Greeted By Applause, Encouragement, and Financing Offers

NASA Cuts Brake Lines on Newfangled Commercial Space Ship

Independent Counsel to Investigate Clinton Book 'Because It Can'

New York Times Book Reviewer Sleeping on Clinton's Couch

Kucinich Takes Extended Lunch Break to Write His Memoirs

Continually Absent From Leaderboard, Tiger Woods Pressed By Nike Execs to Try New Trainer, Nike-Brand Tees, Divorce

Kerry Claims New Bush Ad 'Hurt His Feelings', Demands Fourth Purple Heart

Leak: Saucy, Cheeky Teresa Heinz and Hot, Sexy Hillary Rodham to Shock Boston Convention With Madonna-Inspired Lip Lock

'Sexy' and 'Saucy' Teresa Heinz Claims 'Cheeky' Reference Was to Husband's Botoxed Face

Fist-Sized Fetal Formation Excercises Right to Choose, Opts Out of Abortion Death, Chooses Birth

Kerry Battles Bill Clinton Portrait, Chelsea Clinton Makeover for Media Coverage

Pentagon Argues Michael Moore - Al Queda Connection Reason Enough to Topple Fat Film Fabricator

Bush Executive Order Makes Nov. 3, 2004 'National Day of Mourning" Should Kerry Win Election

Media Poll: Conservatives Being Edged Out of Mainstream by More 'Common-Sensed' Left-Wingers

Reagan Criticized for 'Attempting to Silence' Abu Graib Prison Scandal Coverage With Death

Woman Worth Twice As Much As Teresa Heinz Catches John Kerry's Eye at Reagan Funeral

Ted Kennedy Over Morning Carb Limit; Obese Senator Ordered by Concerned Doctor to Settle for Bacon-Wrapped Steak for Lunch

50 Year Harvard Study Reveals Shock: Men, Women Are Different

Kucinich Suspends Campaigning to Get Oil Change

U.S. Threatens to Outsource Massachussetts to India

Move Afoot in Congress to Put Reagan on $10 Bill Challenged by Kerry Camp; Request Submitted to Put Kerry's Face on Vertically-Formatted $20

France, Germany Snub G8 Summit, Will Form G2, Meet in Put Down the Street

Study: Most 'Reagan Democrats' Are Now 'Limbaugh Republicans'

Gerhard Schroeder Continues to Uncomfortably Celebrate Defeat of Germany at Another D-Day Ceremony

Smarty Jones Says Expectations are "Unfair", Cites $10,000 Winning Bet Pays $7

Reagan Health Failing; Democrats Claim GOP is Politically Timing a Debate on How Republicans Won the Cold War

Bank Holding Fourth Mortgage on Kucinich Home Nixes Request by 'Candidate' to Pawn Property in Order to Raise Campaign Cash

Bank Holding Fourth Mortgage on Kucinich Home Nixes Request by 'Candidate' to Pawn Property in Order to Raise Campaign Cash

Al Gore Claims His Ubiquitous Sweat Stains are 'Hard Proof' of Global Warming

Giant Publishers Clearing House Check Stuck in Bank Processing Machine

Giant Publishers Clearing House Check Stuck in Bank Processing Machine

FBI Calms Public: Says Terrorist Theft of Propane Tankers is 'Not Linked to Terrorism'

Killer Whale Murders Peaceful Seal as Environmentalist Whackos Look on in Horror, Denial

Bush Consults With Secret Group of Skull & Bones Neocon Foreign Policy-Influencing Oil Buddies Again

Shares of Met Life in Toilet After Company Agrees to Insure New Iraqi President

Shares of Met Life in Toilet After Company Agrees to Insure New Iraqi President

'Snow Tomorrow' Weather Forecast in Alaska Freaks Out Enviromentalist Intellectuals

'Snow Tomorrow' Weather Forecast in Alaska Freaks Out Enviromentalist Intellectuals

Trailing in Polls, Kucinich Claims 'Secret Foreign Admirers Also'

Butler for Sen. Kerry's Gulfstream V Jet Insists Candidate is 'Just Like Any Regular Guy'

Kofi Annan Nixes John Kerry's Request to 'Skip Broccoli, Go Out and Play'

Butler for Sen. Kerry's Gulfstream V Jet Insists Candidate is 'Just Like Any Regular Guy'

Kofi Annan Nixes John Kerry's Request to 'Skip Broccoli, Go Out and Play'

Terror Specifics Clarified by FBI: Terror Threat to America is Sen. Kerry

Maximum Mullet Limit Reached at Local Wal-Mart

Democrat John McCain Tapped By Hillary For Kerry's VP

Occupation of America by WalMart Concerns Pentagon

Hollywooders in France Hand Michael Moore's Anti-Bush Film 'Surprise' Award

Madeline Albright's Life-Size American Bald Eagle Brooch Proves Her Patriotism

Gas-Through-The-Mail Being Bid to $1.50/gallon in eBay Auctions

France Still Lagging Third-World Countries in Indoor Plumbing

Kweisi Mfume to Cosby: 'What'chu went and done said dat fer?'

Madonna's 'I'm Still a Whore' Tour Begins With a Bang

Unflattering New York Times' Book Review Hurting Bible Sales

Hans Blix to Pose Nude for Underground Muqtada al-Sadr Insurgency Newsletter

9-11 Commission Democrats Accuse Guliani of 'Ineptitude' on 9-11; Gov. Kean Denies Hearing was Dry-Run of SNL Skit

Jane Fonda Complains "Hanoi John" References to Kerry are Tarnishing Her Image

Peter Jennings: Nuclear Explosion in Falujah Today was 'Pretty Small' and was Leftover From 'Old Regime'; Search Still on for WMD 'Smoking Gun'

New Chrome Spinning Rims Make Owner of $700 Car Look Like a High - Rolling Celebrity

Leak: Kerry Speechwriter Scrubs 'Mark of the Beast ID System Proposal' From Campaign Speech

Hillary Clinton Busy Penning Sequel to Dick Morris Best Seller 'Rewriting History'

Explosion of Jobs Stifling Jobless Economic Recovery

Dennis Kucinich Awarded Honorary 'Survivor' Win by CBS

Rumsfeld on Charges That He Approved Interrogation Methods: 'I Only Acted on Directives From My Neocon Puppet Masters'

Afghanistan Prisoner Abuse Allegations Provide Networks With Windfall for Sweeps Week

Photo of Cigar - Smoking Clinton Axed For X-Prez Book Cover

Now That They're Popular, Bono Stops Wearing Ugly Sunglasses

Now That They're Popular, Bono Stops Wearing Ugly Sunglasses

More Space Found on Home Shopping Network for Additional Coverage of Iraqi Prisoner Scandal

Poll: Milwaukee Residents Drinking at Bars Less, Move to Pubs

Defense Secretary Rumsfeld Petitions Drunkard Ted Kennedy to Step Down Over Chappaquidick Mess

Islamic Clerics Argue Mosque Voucher Program Will Offer Freedom of Choice, Better Educated Suicide Bombers

Kerry Considering Gen. Wesley Clark For VP to Fill Absence of "War Hero" on Ticket

Fork Introduced to China

New Torture Photos Show Democrats Forced to Watch Kerry Win Their Party's Nomination

'Friends' Finale to be Preempted by More Iraqi Prisoner Abuse Coverage

Blockbuster Revelation in New Kerry Ad: Senator Has Apparently Served in Vietnam

New Torture Tapes of Saddam Forced to Listen to Rush Limbaugh, Bush Speeches Infuriates Dems

Sen. Kerry Holds Commanding Lead as Presumptive Loser of 2004 Presidential Election

French Defense Cuts Leave 'Troops' With Off-White Flags, Non-Aloed Kleenex, Generic Lipstick, and Paper Mache 'Guns'

Sen. Kerry Proposes 'Investment' in Higher Taxes

Couple Taken by Nigerian Email Money Scam: Only Received $24 Million of Promised $35 Million

Kerry Flip-Flops Again on Medals: "I Didn't Throw My Medals Away, I Threw My Credibility Away"

New Gillette Mach 4 Plus HyperTurbo SuperSonic Dynamo Razor Has 8 Blades, is Only $48 for 4

U.S. Military on Alert After Massachusetts Flexes Muscle With Underground Nuke Test

U.S. Military on Alert After Massachusetts Flexes Muscle With Underground Nuke Test

North Korea Nominated to Chair United Nation's Council on Democracy

Yankees Lose to Bronx YWCA Team; Derek Jeter on Fire With 1-for-33 Hitting Streak

64 Anti-Coalition Insurgents in Falujah Suffer From Mysterious Injestion of Ammunition

Flip-Flopping Kerry Flip Flops Again on Vietnam Medal Flip Flop Flop

Kerry: Meaning of 'Medals', 'Ribbons', and Verb 'Is' Are All Interchangeable

Kerry Apologizes for Pricey Bouffant Trim; Will Now Transport Hairdresser in Toyota Prius, Not $35 Million Jet

Kerry's New Foreign Policy Targets Foreign Countries Such as France, Russia, America

Neoliberals in Texas Concocting War Against American Values

Michael Jackson to 'Normalize' Image for Trial: Will Wear Old Nose, Shed Military Outfits

Synchronized Flip-Flopping to Make Olympic Debut

Bush's 'Air Dirtification Initiative' Greeted With Skepticism, Coughs

Dean Attacked, Mauled By Herd of Persistant Dean Supporters

Bob Woodward's Campaign Against Bush HQ Bugged

Iranian Actress Recognized for Valiant Efforts to Increase Land Mine Usage

Kerry Waffles on Religion: Is Now Southern Baptist With Rebel Flag on His Limo

Omarosa Fired From Omarosa.com For Instigating Racial Tensions, Cat Fights

Democrats 'Unite' to Hold Noses and Vote for Kerry

Kevorkian Fights Ban on Partial Death Euthanasia

Time Share Sales in Sunni Triangle Still Slow

Haliburton Olive Branch Offer to Host '08 DNC Convention Rejected

New Misery Index Ties Dan Rather's Smiles Per Hour Inversely to Progress in Iraq

Man With vI@gRa69@aol.com Email Address Not Hearing Back From Friends

Mills Lane to Referee Presidential Debates; Kerry Complains 7-Second Delay Will 'Stifle My F--ing Message'

Herb Ritts Coffee Table Nudes of Madeline Albright Greeted by Lackluster Sales, Nausea

Kerry Clears Air Again: "F** that... I didn't mean what I meant to say."

Bush Blames Howard Stern for Falujah Quagmire, Deficit, Gas Prices

Dick (Clark) to National Security Advisor Rice: "Nugh Uh."

Benedict Arnold Charity Sending Donations Overseas to India

Global Economies Shaken After Temporary eBay Outage

Senator Kerry Put on Ridilin for Flip-Flop Problem

ASHCROFT GREETS AFRICAN AMERICAN VOTERS AT POLL WITH FIRE HOSE

 

'THE PASSION' TOO VIOLENT FOR HOLLYWOOD; 'FAHRENHEIT 9-11' MAY REAP OSCAR WINDFALL

 

Police on Alert As Anti-Semitic Promise Keepers Riot in Stadiums, Arenas Across Country