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WHITE HOUSE URGES AMERICANS TO LIMIT TRAVEL TO BIDEN'S PUBLIC EVENTS

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LEAK: OBAMA ORIGINALLY PUSHED CHRYSLER TO PARTNER WITH SECTOR 9 SKATEBOARDS

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BANK LEAVES TARP MONEY AT GEITHNER FRONT DOOR, KNOCKS, RUNS AWAY

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CDC: NEW 109,000,001 'SUSPECTED SWINE FLU CASES' INCLUDE ENTIRE MEXICAN POPULATION, GUY FROM PHOENIX

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MASSACHUSETTS TO OFFER ADJUSTABLE RATE MONTH-TO-MONTH MARRIAGE CONTRACTS

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MEXICO CITY RESIDENT FLEES TO SAFER REFUGE IN THE GAZA STRIP

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SPECTER ADMITS PARTY SWITCH MOTIVATED BY DESIRE TO STAY EMPLOYED IN CRUMBLING ECONOMY

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OBAMA: 'THERE'S NO REASON TO PANIC YET OVER THIS SWINE FLU I INHERITED'

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DEMOCRATS ISSUE KNEE-JERK SWINE FLU BUSH BLAME

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DIAL LAUNCHES ANTIBACTERIAL IN NEW 55 GALLON DRUM SIZED CONTAINERS

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ARLEN SPECTER FINALLY OUTS SELF AS A DEMOCRAT, WILL REMAIN IN DEMOCRATIC PARTY

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OBAMA SCRAMBLES TO FIND INCOME TAX-PAYING HHS SECRETARY AS SWINE FLU SPREADS

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SUSPECTED SWINE FLU CASE TURNS OUT TO ONLY BE NEWLY-MUTATED AVIAN BIRD FLU

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SPRAWLING ADDITION TO OVAL OFFICE TO PROVIDE ROOM FOR NEW 'CRISIS INBOX'

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VEGETARIANS USE SWINE FLU PANDEMIC AS ANOTHER EXCUSE TO NOT EAT TASTY PIGS

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OBAMA PROPOSES IRONIC PORK-FILLED ANTI-SWINE FLU SPENDING BILL

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NY TIMES: TOP-SECRET ISRAELI STEALTH ATTACK ON IRAN PLANNED FOR JULY 14, 5:35 P.M. TEHRAN TIME

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SWINE FLU OUTBREAK PROMPTS OBAMA WHITE HOUSE TO REITERATE NEED FOR ADDITIONAL GUN CONTROL MEASURES

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SWINE FLU OUTBREAK HAMPERS PREVIOUSLY-THRIVING MEXICO CITY PIG STY TOURS

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FORD FINISHES BURNING THROUGH REST OF CASH, COLLAPSES ON CFO'S $24.36 LUNCH TAB

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MICHAEL MOORE INFLUENZA MUTATES INTO SWINE FLU, PROMPTS PANDEMIC FEARS

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McCAIN '08 CAMPAIGN FINALLY LAUNCHES FACEBOOK PRESENCE

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HILLARY CLINTON OVERHEARD ON D.C. PAYPHONE CONFERENCING WITH HER 2012 EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE

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CHRYSLER BOARD ACCEPTS BUYOUT OFFER FROM MIKE'S WINGS-N-THINGS

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HACKERS CRACK 'SECURE' OBAMA BLACKBERRY, FIND 'THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO FOR DUMMIES' eBOOK

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JUSTICE DEPT DENIES OBAMA REQUEST TO LABEL FOX NEWS CRITICISM AS 'TORTURE'

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OBAMA UP TO THREE PACKS A DAY

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NY TIMES' RENT CHECK BOUNCES, SISTER PAPER COVERS $32 OVERDRAFT FEE

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CRAIGSLIST MOVES TO PURGE SITE OF FRAUDULENT LISTINGS, SERIAL KILLERS

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OBAMA ASKS CABINET TO HELP OFFSET $11 TRILLION DEFICIT BY USING 'ONE, OR LESS, SQUARE OF TOILET PAPER'

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BARNEY FRANK FLIES WEST TO ANSWER SCREECHING PEREZ HILTON MATING CALL

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MEGHAN McCAIN MISPRONOUNCES 'MEGHAN' DURING EXCORIATION OF GOP

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KEITH OLBERMANN CHALLENGES MSNBC IN RACE TO 100 FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER

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OBAMA DECLARES END TO WAR ON OVERSEAS MAN-MADE ACCIDENTAL CATASTROPHES

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OBAMA ON CHAVEZ-GIFTED ANTI-U.S. BOOK: 'I LAUGHED, I CRIED, IT WAS LIKE I WROTE IT MYSELF'

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WHITE HOUSE ASKS UNIVERSITY TO UNCOVER 'WE WORSHIP THIS MAN' ENGRAVING ON OBAMA LECTURN

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NAPOLITANO ISSUES NEW WARNING AGAINST 'RIGHT-WING PIRATES TRYING TO HIJACK THE PRESIDENT'S AGENDA'

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OBAMA BREAKS ANOTHER CAMPAIGN PROMISE, BE-FRIENDS HUGO CHAVEZ ON FACEBOOK

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HOMELAND SECURITY ON ALERT AS RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST TERROR CELLS MEET, PLOT IN CHURCHES ACROSS COUNTRY

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MADDEN: 'RETIREMENT IS ABOUT NOT WORKING ANYMORE, SO WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS NOT WORK'

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NAPOLITANO APOLOGIZES FOR 'INAPPROPRIATE AND OUT OF LINE' RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST REPORT, AGREES TO LEFT-JUSTIFY SECTION HEADERS, CHANGE FONT

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JENEANE GARAFOLO: RACIST 'HEROES' FANS HATE '24' FOR INCLUDING NON-VILLIAN BLACKS

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TERRORIST 'PSYCHOLOGICALLY BATTERED' AFTER BABY BUTTERLY TORTURE HORROR

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ANDERSON COOPER ON BEING BEAT IN RATINGS BY RACHEL MADDOW: 'I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M LOSING TO THIS GUY'

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RECESSION REACHES GOOGLE; TECH GIANT TO MOW EMPLOYEE PUTTING GREEN ONLY TWICE A DAY

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MATTEL SPOKESPERSON: TOYS ARE NOW 63% TOXIC CHEMICAL FREE

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EMBARASSED TREASURY DEPT. RECALLS TAX EVASION INVESTIGATORS FROM MICHAEL SCOTT PAPER CO.

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BARNEY FRANK CHASTISES MSNBC ANCHORS FOR 'TAKING TEABAGGING'S NAME IN VAIN'

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GM DECRIES CHRYSLER'S 'AT LEAST WE'RE NOT GM' AD CAMPAIGN

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OBAMA: 'I WAS HAPPY TO HEAR FROM MY HANDLERS THAT THERE'S BEEN TEA PARTY CELEBRATIONS ACROSS THE COUNTRY ON THIS GREAT DAY'

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HOMELAND SECURITY: EXTREMIST RIGHT WING TERRORISTS HOST TEA PARTIES TO PROTEST 'INVESTING IN AMERICA'

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KEITH OLBERMANN SAYS FIRST PRIVATE MEETING WITH OBAMA WAS 'INCREDIBLE'; WILL KEEP BABY

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CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS FOR OCTOMOM'S CROWD OF KIDS MAY BANKRUPT TAXPAYERS WITH ANY MONEY LEFT

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RIGHT WING EXTREMISTS STOCKING SHINGLE-ROOFED BUNKERS WITH BIBLES, AMERICAN FLAGS AND 'PALIN 2012' STICKERS

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GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY STUDENTS APPLAUD ERROR-FREE SPEECH READ BY OBAMA

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OBAMA: IT MAKES SENSE TO LIFT CUBA RESTRICTIONS 'AS OUR TWO GOVERNMENTS ARE GROWING MORE SIMILAR EACH DAY'

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SHIP CAPTAIN FREE AFTER PIRATE HEADS INTERRUPT FLIGHT OF SNIPER BULLETS

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OBAMAS CUT DEAL WITH TMZ FOR FIRST PICS OF FIRST DOG

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BIDEN CLAIMS CLEARING MORE TEXAS BRUSH THAN BUSH; ROVE DENIES

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TWO BANKS, STD RESEARCH, AND OBAMA'S STIMULUS EFFORTS FAIL

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OBAMA STICKS TO 'LET'S WAIT AND DO NOTHING' RESPONSE TO PIRATE CRISIS

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MASSACHUSETTS THREATENS TO LAUNCH INTERSTATE BALLISTIC MISSLE THAT CAN REACH THE U.S.

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OBAMA URGES DEFENSE CUTS TO FUND MORE PIRATE RANSOMS

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KIM JONG IL CELEBRATES 120% OF VOTE IN PARLIAMENTARY ELECTION

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WHITE HOUSE: NO BOW TO SAUDI KING; OBAMA WAS READING FLOOR-MOUNTED TELEPROMPTER

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BENNY HINN ADJUSTS CASTRO DEATH PROPHECY, SAYS WILL BE 'SOMETIME IN THE NEXT FEW DECADES'

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WHITE HOUSE DENIES BOW TO SAUDI KING WAS RESULT OF OBAMA MISTAKING HIM FOR BIN LADEN

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OBAMA ACCEPTS FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST FROM AHMADINEJAD, IGNITES FIERY STATE DEPT STANDING OVATION

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U.N. ISSUES STERN CONDEMNATION OF ISRAEL IN WAKE OF NORTH KOREAN ROCKET LAUNCH

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STRUGGLING NY TIMES DOWN TO 'LAST DOZEN OR SO' READERS

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TREASURY SECRETARY GEITHNER SETS SIGHTS ON 'OVER-COMPENSATED' QUICKIE MART MANAGERS

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CZECH POLICE: 'FRENZIED CROWD OF FROTHING DEMONSTRATORS' TURNED OUT TO BE NBC JOURNALISTS WAITING TO GLIMPSE MICHELLE OBAMA

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WORLD BACK AT EASE AS LAUNCH OF NORTH KOREAN ROCKET DEVESTATES LAUNCH PLATFORM, NEARBY FIELD

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GUATEMALA PLANS MANNED SPACE TRAVEL BY 6016

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NBC REPORTER CLAIMS 'UNBIASED JOURNALISM' DESPITE OBAMA LOGO NECK TATTOO

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BRITISH PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN THROWS PANTIES ONTO STAGE DURING OBAMA SPEECH

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PROPOSED BEER TAX HAS NATION'S DRINKERS ORGANIZING PROTESTS, RETURNING TO COUCH, PONG, OR FAVORITE DRINKING CHAIR

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CHAOTIC LONDON STREETS BLOCKADED AS QUEEN ELIZABETH VISITS BEST BUY TO EXCHANGE IPOD FOR IPOD TOUCH

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AS G20 SPEECH NEARS, OBAMA ORDERS TELEPROMPTER CARRIER INTO ENGLISH CHANNEL 'JUST IN CASE'

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OBAMA AT G20 SUMMIT IN EUROPE, REFERS TO 'AMERICA'S ARROGANTLY PAVED STREETS'

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TELEPROMPTER OUTAGE THREATENS U.S. PRESIDENT'S CONTINUED PARTICIPATION IN G20 SUMMIT

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CONFLICKER APRIL FOOLS VIRUS DELETES ALL BUDGET FILES FROM WHITE HOUSE COMPUTERS, U.S. ECONOMY SAVED

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