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REPORT: SEN. CLINTON WALKS FINE LINE BETWEEN OPPOSING AMERICA AND
WANTING TO BE ITS PRESIDENTRESS
NEW IPOD TO HOLD UP TO ONE TRILLION SONGS, DEPENDING ON FILE SIZE
BUSH: 'VICTORY WILL COME WHEN IRAQ IS NO LONGER A SAFE HAVEN FOR
IBERAL DEMOCRATS PLOTTING ATTACKS ON OUR NATION'
HOLIDAY RETAIL REPORT: POPULAR G.I. JOE DOLLS LOSING GROUND TO
XBOX'S SOFT PORN VIDEO 'GAME' TITLES
AL FRANKEN COMEDY GIG CANCELED DESPITE HILARIOUS 'BUSH THE BABY
LLER' BIT
SCIENTIST CONFIRMS: LARRY KING STILL ALIVE
LIBERALS ARMOR-UP FOR BATTLES OVER 'OFFENSIVE CHRISTMAS SLANT' ON HOLIDAY SEASON
FLAVOR FLAV FAN CLUB RETRACTS BANKRUPTCY APPLICATION IN WAKE OF W MILLER BEER COMMERCIAL GIG
REPORT: CHANUKWANZAMAS HOLIDAY SEASON NEARING 'OFFENSELESS POLITICAL PERFECTION'
TED TURNER: KIM JONG IL IS 'NO DIFFERENT THAN YOU, ME, OR DR. PHIL'
KERRY-EDWARDS BUMPER STICKERS REACH MONDALE-FERRARO STATUS
RAMSEY CLARK: I CHOSE TO DEFEND SADDAM BECAUSE I MISSED OUT ON DEFENDING O.J., BUNDY, AND DAHMER
NEW YORK TIMES: LITTLE-KNOWN BROADCASTER RUSH LIMBAUGH MAKING BIG WAVES
LAWYER IN SADDAM CASE DIES OF 'NATURAL GUN WOUNDS'
QUAGMIRES REPORTED AT 18 MALLS NATIONWIDE
REPORT: ALAN COLMES TO RENOUNCE LIBERALISM ON HIS DEATH BED
POLL: SHAPE OF CRANBERRY SAUCE STILL TRUMPS POLITICS AS PREFERRED THANKSGIVING DINNER DISCUSSION TOPIC
BUSH MAKES THANKSGIVING CALL TO CINDY SHEEHAN 'TO THANK HER FOR HER SERVICE'
HAPPY HOLIDAYS: WAL-MART ASSAULTS, LOOTING WIDESPREAD
EXPERT ON CHANCE OF BIRD FLU OCCURRING IN ANY OF 45 MILLION THANKSGIVING TURKEYS: 'WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE NOW, WON'T WE?'
DNC CHAIR DEAN: SEN. KERRY'S 'UNBELIEVABLE' PERFORMANCE AS JURY FOREMAN PROVES HE WAS FIT FOR DUTY
SYMPATHY VOTE CATAPULTS JOHN KERRY TO JURY FOREMAN SPOT
VEGETARIANS REJECT NEW TURKEY-BASED TOFU-FLAVORED TURKEY
SHERYL CROW WINS FOR 'BEST ANTI-BUSH DIATRIBE' AT AMERICAN MUSIC WARDS
'REAL LIFE CHER' MAKES CAMEO APPEARANCE IN NEW XBOX 360 GAME
U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL TO ADDRESS THREAT FROM INTERNET POP-UP ADS
CHRIS MATTHEWS: I'M NOT EVIL, YOU JUST HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
CHENEY CALLS FOR 'IMMEDIATE WITHDRAWAL' OF DEMOCRATS FROM U.S. CONGRESS
LARRY FLYNT TAPPED TO SPEARHEAD DEMOCRAT'S FAMILY VALUES INITIATIVE
IRAN REITERATES NUKES ARE FOR 'OIL ENERGY PURPOSES ONLY'
DEMOCRTATS DEMAND BUSH SET IRAQ SURRENDER DATE
FRENCH RUNNING OUT OF WHITE FLAGS
PUBLIC ED CZAR: FAILURE RATIOS WITHIN 'ACCEPTABLE LEVELS'
CHIRAC 'REACHES OUT' TO RIOTERS; OFFERS APOLOGIES, WEAPONS, LIGHTER FLUID IN EXCHANGE FOR PEACE
SEN. KENNEDY PRESSED FOR EXIT STRATEGY FROM PALM BEACH BAR SCENE
SUCCESSFUL CHEMO TREATMENT RIDS PHILADELPHIA EAGLES OF 'ALL TRACES OF T.O.'
BUSH IN CHINA, CRITICIZED FOR 'HIDING' DURING WESTERN HEMISPHERE'S NEWS CYCLES
JEW IN SAUDI ARABIA RIOTS, CITES 'INADEQUATE ASSIMILATION INTO HARDLINE ISLAMIC SOCIETY'
HUGO CHAVEZ ANNOUNCES BID FOR MASSACHUSETTS CONGRESSIONAL SEAT
CNN MULLS RELEASING U.S. VERSION OF ITS CABLE NETWORK
SEN. DURBIN DENIES RESPONSIBILITY FOR JORDAN HOTEL ATTACKS
G.O.P. MAY 'SIT OUT' '08 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION AFTER CRIPPLING LOSS OF TWO GOVERNORSHIPS
FOX NEWS' BREAKING NEWS JINGLE REACHES BILLBOARD TOP 10
HISTORY CHANNEL TO DOCUMENT LIVES OF PIRATES THAT ATTACKED
TWIN TOWERS ON 9-11
FRANCE FALLS TO RIOTERS; SEN. KERRY CALLS FOR 'PEACE IN OUR TIME'
PROFIT-MOTIVATED STORES ALREADY DISPLAYING CHRISTMAS '06
MERCHANDISE
EXPERT: REAL ESTATE BUBBLE MAY HAVE BURST, FREE HOUSES STAYING ON MARKET LONGER
SEGA'S 'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 2K6' FOR XBOX HITS SHELVES
ABERCROMBIE & FITCH CALLS FOR BOYCOTT OF 'MORAL PRUDES'
FRENCH POLICE CONTINUE TO FROWN AT MUSLIM-LOOKING RIOTERS
FRENCH POLICE CRITICIZED FOR PUNISHING RIOTERS WITH 'DIRTY LOOKS'
BUSH ON ARGENTINE SUMMIT: 'I'D RATHER BE HAVING LUNCH WITH THE CONGRESSIONAL BLACK CAUCUS'
FANS AT MTV AWARDS: 'MADONNA IS STILL A TWENTY-SOMETHING IN OUR EYES'
BUSH MAKES 542nd VISIT TO CRAWFORD RANCH SINCE BUYING PROPERTY
PBS DOCUMENTARY EXPLORES JUDGE ALITO'S 'SUNNY-SIDE UP' EGG PREFERENCE
JOHN KERRY URGES U.S. SURRENDER TO 'MUSLIM-LOOKING' FRENCH RIOTERS
REQUESTS TO 'SHOWER WITH SOAP' SEND PARISIANS INTO 8TH DAY OF RIOTING
STAMP PRICE INCREASE MAY CURB HOLIDAY SPENDING
SEN. KENNEDY: BUSH CONCOCTING ANOTHER HURRICANE TO DIVERT ATTENTION FROM ROVE TROUBLES
LIBERALS: ISLAMIC RADICALS UNDERREPRESENTED ON SUPREME COURT