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HELEN THOMAS: 'IF SADDAM HUSSEIN RUNS FOR PRESIDENT, I'LL
TREAT MYSELF TO A CAKE AND SOME SPA TIME'
NASA INSISTS THAT ADDING PARACHUTES TO ASTRONAUT DRESS CODE IS
'MERELY FOR FASHION'S SAKE'
AL GORE REMOVES ALL TRACES OF SELF FROM CURRENT TV, SAYS MOVE
WILL 'HELP RATINGS'
NASA: FEATHER ALSO FELL FROM EXTERNAL SHUTTLE TANK; 'HUGE
GASH' FOUND IN SHUTTLE'S TITANIUM SIDE
NEW YORK TIMES BREAKING: FIFTH ROBERTS' TYPO FOUND
NASA: SHUTTLE FALLING APART ON TAKEOFF 'PROBABLY WON'T BE A
PROBLEM WE HOPE'
GROUNDSWELL OF SUPPORT FOR CHENEY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDACY AFTER HELEN THOMAS SUICIDE THREAT
IRA ENDS ARMED CAMPAIGN, SAYS IT WILL BEGIN SPAM EMAILING
INSULATING FOAM FALLS FROM UNDERSIDE OF TED KENNEDY, SENATOR
GROUNDED 'INDEFINITELY'
ASTRONAUT COMES CLEAN: 'FALLING DEBRIS' WAS CIGARETTE BUTT THROWN FROM WINDOW OF SHUTTLE
CLINTONS ACCEPT SUITOR'S DOWRY OF 40 GOATS AND 20 COWS FOR
CHELSEA
4% OF NASA ANNUAL BUDGET DIVERTED TO DRAIN ATLANTIC IN ATTEMPT
TO FIND SHUTTLE DEBRIS
FEDERALIST SOCIETY'S 'OBSESSION WITH CONSTITUTIONAL VALUES'
DISQUALIFIES ROBERTS FOR SUPREME COURT
NEWLY MODERATE SEN. CLINTON ADVISES ENGLAND TO 'RETALIATE
NICELY'
LIBERALS: PROFILING 'ARAB MEN WHO HAVE ATTENDED TERRORIST
SCHOOL' IS DISCRIMINATORY, RACIST
AMERICA'S LANCE ARMSTRONG MAKING A FOOL OF FRANCE AGAIN
LONDONERS PROTECTED BY ARMED POLICE FOR A CHANGE
SUPREME COURT VACANCY UPDATE: DEMOCRATS CRITICIZE BUSH FOR NOT
PICKING LIBERAL NUT JOB
VALERIE PLAME MISSING; SEARCH OF MAGAZINE COVERS UNDER WAY
DEMS REACH CHINA WHILE 'DIGGING FOR DIRT' ON ROBERTS
BUSH NOMINATION OF WHITE MALE TO HIGH COURT ANGERS O.J.
SUPPORTERS
MONKEY-HUMAN HYBRIDS OFFER VOTER BASE EXPANSION POSSIBILITIES
FOR DEMOCRATIC PARTY
NEW YORK TIMES LEAKS SUPREME COURT CHOICES TO BUSH
BOOKSTORE LINES GROW FOR AUG 2006 RELEASE OF NEXT HARRY POTTER
BOOK
SEX-FEST 'WEDDING CRASHERS' STARRING SEN. JOHN McCAIN ROCKS
BOX OFFICE
TECH INDUSTRY SCRAMBLES TO FIX Y10K PROGRAMMING BUGS
KARL ROVE CALLS FOR BUSH RESIGNATION
REHNQUIST TO HOSPITAL STAFF: 'I SURE HOPE YOU ALL ARE
RESPECTERS OF THE CONSTITUTION'
SEN. CLINTON BRUSHES OFF RUMORS OF WORLD DOMINATION PLANS
PIECE OF CRAP WINS PRESTIGIOUS CONTEMPORARY ART AWARD
LONDON TERRORIST ATTACKS SUCK WIND OUT OF TOM CRUISE CRAZINESS
NEWS
REHNQUIST RESIGNATION DELAYED UNTIL CHIEF JUSTICE IS 100%
VESTED IN 401K
PARIS REJECTED FOR 2012 OLYMPICS DUE TO 'LARGE NUMBERS OF
FRENCH PEOPLE'
SHARK CAGES SELLING 'LIKE HOT CAKES' ALONG FLORIDA COAST
OUT-OF-TOUCH LIVE 8 PERFORMERS PROMISE TO DONATE $12,000 GIFT BASKETS TO 'KITCHEN HELP' AND 'OUR AFRICAN-COLORED UMBRELLA HOLDERS'
DEMOCRATS: WE'LL CONFIRM BUSH'S SUPREME COURT NOMINEE, AS LONG
AS THEY'RE A CRAZY LIBERAL NUT JOB
ECONOMY: STARBUCKS COFFEE BREAKS $80/GALLON BARRIER
FOX NEWS SENDING MORE TROOPS TO ARUBA, SAYS IT WILL 'STAY THE
COURSE'
